Who you are and where you are are two different things.
What I believe about myself, and the core of who I am does not change just because my surroundings and my life do. How comforting is that? It is very comforting.
The times I choose to remember that.
You see, it’s really easy to equate ourselves to where we are. If we have a job we don’t love or don’t make much money from it is easy to think we might not be worth much as well. If we aren’t married by a certain age and people start giving you that confused “but you are so pretty and funny what is wrong?” look it is easy think-
“Yea, what IS wrong with me?”
There’s nothing wrong with you.
As you are-you just are, and you are just fine.
There is a part of you-your heart, your love and your natural gifts that cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation that matches what you feel you bring to the table, or finding that person that makes you feel love butterflies will not change that.
It adds to who you are, but it does not change it.
It personally sucks my energy when women don’t realize this because I can always witness them in the midst of two moods:
In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.
There IS something wrong with that.
That is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances and allow it to be shaped. We give it to others and allow them to shape it as well. So it makes sense when you hear someone say “So and so made me feel _____.”
Of course they did. Because they were allowed to.
With all this said how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?
My #1 thought for this coming from experience is:
IT TAKES WORK.
You have to WORK on yourself to KEEP yourself!
Here are 3 quick tips for starting AND keeping the work up:
1) “Know Thyself“-if you know your strengths and weaknesses you will not be surprised when there are successes AND struggles. Share your strengths with others, and work on your weaknesses.
2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic so why not be your own best cheerleader too?
3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what you do on top of that? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them! Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” When you feel happy be happy, but don’t crash when later on you find yourself in that place that can often feel so unsettling…neutral. Just because you are not happy OR sad does not mean you have to pick a team.
If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, foundational, and true. It will keep you sane, calm, and generally positive.
No matter where you are.