Hey there. Guess what? People are going to hurt you. Great way to start this post right? Bear with me and read on…
It is inevitable that throughout our lives we will feel hurt by someone else’s actions, or lack of. Even the toughest of us and the most centered person will experience hurt in the form of disappointment, anger, or betrayal of trust. I include anger because I believe anger stems from hurt. You might not agree, but the next time you are angry look underneath it, and my guess is you will uncover a soft spot where the hurt lies.
I would like to address what we think about when we experience hurt, and how we can take charge of what follows. After all, it is a tad silly to expect the person who did the breaking to totally fix it. That work starts with you.
First thought we normally have when we feel hurt:
“How could they do this to me?” How could they? They could because they were not thinking about you when they acted in a way that ended up hurting you. Who were they thinking about? THEMSELF.
P.s. I just spent the last few minutes confirming that themself IS an actual word. It is.
To turn this painful thought around try to shift your victim-minded perception and consider the source. Is this person a great friend of yours? If they are then something must be going on in their life to have them act carelessly towards you. This can be worked out in a mature loving conversation. Go in with a loving, open mind.
It does not make you weak to stay open and loving. It makes you strong because that takes a lot more work.
Is this person someone new in your life or someone who has a pattern of hurting you/others? It’s time for YOU to change things since it is apparent this is probably just who this person is. You can naturally set boundaries by occupying your time with other people or activities that bring joy into your life.
It is OKAY to set boundaries with people, or to say good-bye if they no longer bring the same love and attention to the table you have been showing up with.
Lastly, here’s another thought we often let cloud our mind, and it is a yucky one, but one I think women especially tend to turn over, and over, and over…
Ladies-we have GOT to stop asking ourselves this question!
Okay sometimes we have done something to create a negative vibe between ourselves and the source of our pain, but that situation should turn into a fairly brief scanning we can take ownership of.
However, all those other times we ask ourselves this question we have not done a darn thing!
Recite this mantra until you actually start to believe it: “It is not me, it is s/he.” This is not a blame-placing exercise but rather considering the source. YOU are the source when you ask this question, and if you have continuously come from a place of love then you have no reason to give this question the old obsessive mental whirl.
To conclude I leave you with this: When you consider the source of your hurt and take some time to look at it from a loving perspective for both that person, and yourself the outcome will be much more positive than you could imagine.