If you have not read my piece “Consider the Source” please stop here and take a quick peek at this past piece: http://callavida.org/2013/12/21/consider-the-source/
Even when we consider the source there are situations when someone hurts us in such a way that it might be time to move forward by significantly changing the dynamic of the relationship, or letting it go entirely.
Either way-YOU will need to confront letting go of the hurt with forgiveness.
However, this can be tricky sometimes…because often when we choose to hash it out or let people go without confrontation we consider that a form of forgiveness as we make ourselves feel better by protecting our emotions…but it’s not.
When people deeply hurt me I tend to do one of the two…cut them out, or ram directly into them to “fix” things. If I am able to cut someone out of my life in entirety I usually do it because I’ve been on the edge of my seat anyway, and am certain I will handle the closure all on my own. I work on emotionally announcing I forgive them, until I actually believe it, and put it in the past.
The latter method…not so much. I recall times in my life when I would do the typical Taurus bull-headed ramming; so desperate to repair the damage done because my logic was we could then erase the past. I was not working on forgiving because I wanted to jump over that part into healing. The more I pushed the farther back they went, and it would not bring us closer to heal. It brought us farther apart.
I have also had people do this to me-the ramming. Normally what happens is I stay in place taking the pushes hoping the person will get that energy out, but if they don’t…eventually I end up pushing them back hard enough to go far away…
In both unhealthy situations ties are eventually severed, and in that time before saying goodbye I always remember something. I can not hand over my damaged emotions to the person who caused them, nor can a person I hurt expect to heal on my apology alone.
The work starts and finishes with me.
Callavida on Forgiveness…
When you hurt someone give them space.
When you need space from someone ask for it.
When you hurt someone forgive yourself.
When you forgive someone do it for yourself.
When you choose to forgive be done with it. Even if they do not say sorry or you are unable to repair things to as they were be done with that pain. Do not allow others to cloud your head with the choices that you make as people will always have opinions; mostly out of concern for your emotional health. Forgiveness is for me, and forgiveness sets me free.