“She turned her can’ts into cans and dreams into plans…”
It can feel pretty lonely at times going for a dream. Even if you’ve always had a pretty awesome support system, you’ll find as you keep moving forward positively, and begin practicing more focused habits to reach your goals a few things happen with the various people surrounding your life:
1) They ignore what you’re doing. They don’t ask you about it, they hurry the conversation if you bring it up, and if there are easy opportunities to support reaching your goals they ignore that too. If you ever make a big stride they might hop on the bandwagon to send you a congrats, but only because they’d look like a total asshole if they didn’t.
2) There are ones who seem to support you, but behind your back and in their mind really don’t believe you’ll make it.. And you know it. So they talk about that with other people when you’re not around, but smile at you when you share what part of the dream you are working on at the present time.
3) The ones that straight up tell you you are wasting your time, and you’re not going to make your dream come true. I kinda feel sorry for these people because it is all too clear they are projecting their fear of failure, or unwillingness to put in the work to make their own dreams come true. Stay far far away from people like this. You don’t need em.
Let’s pick it up now…
4) Then you have the randoms. I love the randoms. The random people who you might keep in touch with lightly-maybe via Facebook , or maybe they are a friend of a friend you run into once in a while. However you know them they suddenly become interested in your dream because they have an area of expertise or extra support they can provide to you. Out of sheer kindness and willingness to help, they reach out to you. Count your blessings with these people-they were specifically placed in your life to make a unique difference in it.
5) Real talk people are so fun. I am talking about real talk people who really want
to help you. If you are highly sensitive like me you have to work to not take things personally with real talk people because they really do have honest intentions to support you, and they provide little nuggets of wisdom you might have not thought about. They also might pin point something that can help you save time and energy. Real talk people cut to the chase and ask great questions.
6) Last one-the loved ones. The ones that cheer you on, believe in you, and when you go through a rut or start to doubt yourself they have a way of bringing you back to positive. Loved ones are your backbone in most cases because they often naturally bring up your gifts or motivations in such a factual way you can’t help but keep going. For yourself, and also because you know you got people out there who already believe you shine, but are waiting for you to shine brighter. They know your potential and are really rooting for your success. If you’re lucky-even one #6 brings value to your work, and to your life.
So my point in all of this is, make sure that anytime you start working towards a new goal, dream, or hey, even if you just want to work on an overall more positive attitude, check in with your circle. I know I have had to and continue to do that. I in no way am suggesting to sit down and judge all your relationships from a pedestal. Simply reflect on what happens with them when you make changes. It does not mean you have to cut off your #1s or #2s, or put down a #3 should they do that to you; you can just do little reorganizing with the dynamics.
You want to KNOW the 4, 5, and 6 people. You want to go to them for both encouragement, and advice. Even if they don’t have experience with what you are working on an outside perspective from the ones who truly have your back will bring value to what you’re trying to achieve.
Then, you want to SHOW the 1-3s….don’t invest your thought energy with them. Leave them to witness your success.
Lastly, check in with yourself when you work towards goals and dreams!
I realized I was taking certain relationships for granted, with some of my biggest cheerleaders actually, and overly focused on the ones that left me feeling unmotivated or disappointed. I recognize there is the part of me that gets all too comfy staying stagnant-so I find safety with those who stay stagnant as well. The disappointment came from my hunger for growth not being satiated.
Now, when I am a tad uncomfortable, or nervous to see someone who will ask me about what I am working on I see it as a wonderful thing. I look forward to it, because I know it means growth.
Growth is the name of the game, and you can only win if you play with people who want to win too.