Keeping it Real

I got notification a few days ago from WordPress that it has been one year since I started this blog. Congrats! Dang-it’s been one year? It seems so long ago, and yet the notice arrived in my inbox quicker than I had anticipated.

When you have an anniversary, milestone, birthday…any date that rings change, you get to reflecting if even for a moment, on the year passed.

I remember when I wrote my first post. Where I was, and how I was feeling. At a Starbucks, and I could really feel that it was just me, with me. I observed myself for a bit…if that makes sense. I was a little lost, but open. Sad, but relieved. Grieving unexpected change, but really hopeful. I knew I had the opportunity to dig deeper into the real me, and bring her back to kicking ass again.

So after one year here is what I know about the real me…

The real me is not negative, but can feed off of negativity. It truly wants to be happy, and struggles to bring it back to self so that the happiness can stand still, on its own. It has fought tooth n nail over this past year to get over banking its self-worth with others. I know I have way too much potential to keep investing in doubtful thinking. The real me pauses too much when it doubts, and the real me fights growth, but at the same time loves coming out on the other side. The real me LOVES growing pains. It shines. It is fearless in heart when it moves forward with heart.

The real me is freaking weird. This has been confirmed by the loves who know the real me. I own it; it keeps me raw. The real me prefers to be alone a lot, needs to be, but is also very social. Doesn’t really like babies but truly looks forward to experiencing the gift of pregnancy someday. Hates salsa but chows down on pico de gallo. Has to draw boxes next to the list of things to do because of the feedback desired by literally writing “√” in the box upon completion. The real me likes to impress kids more than adults. Sleeps with a heater and fan in the room; on at the same time.

The real me feels too much. Highly sensitive. An empath. Eats her feelings and works out her motivations. Doesn’t like that she can feel what others feel and sometimes gets too great a sense of what others are thinking, but chooses to keep quiet about it most of the time. Loyal, and respectful. People tend to fully reveal what they feel, or think, anyway.

The real me is a little uncomfortable sharing all this over a public blog…but the real me is also aware that in sharing there is helping.

So that is why I’m sharing.

 mandyMaggie xo

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