Butterfly Feels

I was recently chosen to do a video shoot for Callavida. How fortunate am I? How lucky. I was excited!

I was also super nervous-even though  I can do videos on the fly for my Instagram account this was different. I get so much anxiety around planned attention on me. This is my introverted side.

The time came to meet at a beautiful botanical garden, as I had asked to shoot everything outdoors. We met at 7:30 am, and by 11:00-ish a few things started to happen…

I became so freaking hot.

From that I became so freaking sweaty my face started to develop a “sunkicked” glow.

I realized having breakfast would have been a good idea.

Any opportunity a bug had to bite me, it would. Nothing I could do in a knee length dress.

Overall, I was feeling the exhaustion of the work we put in, as he warned me I would.

But shortly after all of this hit we arrived at an area of the garden that had patches of plants specifically grown to attract one of my most cherished creatures on this planet.
Butterflies.

There were mostly monarchs, and a few adorably petite, lightly colored ones. I stood there completely enchanted.

And here is the part where I connected with my POP…my point of peace.

Remember how I felt? Toasty, itchy, shiny in a bad way, and slightly lightheaded from having not eaten. All those feelings were at the forefront of my mind, and my skin. But when I stood there in front of these freaking awesome symbols of growth I suddenly became very present. It felt like when I was kid and would lie on my stomach with a book. There was this touch of magic.

For the next 15 minutes or so, as my friend took video of them I slowly made my way around. I giggled at the ones that flew so suddenly close and away, as if gently jolted by my being an obstacle of flight. I stared as closely as I could with every fiber of my attention at the ones landing on the dusty yellow parts that continuously provided them a sweet feeding. This fed me too.

I talked to them, mostly in my crazy cat lady voice but hey, I think they got it. Even if they didn’t I imagined they did, and that in itself calmed me down.

This was my POP

~

Your point of peace does not have to be anything grand. It can be the weightlessness of floating in the tub for a few moments. The mindlessness of reading that celebrity magazine you splurged on after a stressful day, or diving into to the depths of a good book, if even for a few pages. It can be ice cream satisfaction feels or the “ahhh” sigh with that first sip of coffee.

Or, it can be butterfly feels.

Maggie xo  

 

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The Some of Everything

Hey Humans,

Most of the time I don’t know what the hell I am doing.  I plan on certain things happening-eating, sleeping(at some point), work, and bills. Most everything else, I navigate day to day, gut feeling by gut feeling.

I kinda just do as I go, and go as I do.

I love it.

I love it because I used to plan a lot in the past.

I had a plan for every possible negative outcome that could happen when it came to my health, relationships, and any natural talents I possessed.

You see, all the planning I was doing essentially stemmed from fear. Sketched out by my insecurities, outlined by my worries, and essayed by my anxiety.

I didn’t realize how much this way of thinking contributed to my habit of self-sabotage until I saw a therapist.

Which is a whole different blog post I might get to in the future.

Back to the planning thing. Planning is not all negative. Planning can be really great, and imperative for certain situations. The planning I was consistently doing was not healthy. Over the years I learned, and am learning, what kind of planner I am, what kind of planner I want to be, and what kind of planner I don’t want to be.

These are three things I believe we should not hold off on for the perfect plan.

The weather, people, and creative ideas.

Waiting for the perfect sunshine weather to take a walk along that beach you love? First of all, be grateful you live close enough to a beach to do that because I am very jealous right now, and second, put on a hoodie…go for that walk. Waiting for the perfect person to sweep you off your feet? Sweep yourself off your feet, and your vision of this desired person will become less narrow, thus opening your eyes to greater possibilities.

Have an idea that charges up your creative mojo, lights up your mind, and ignites your soul? Don’t wait to talk to someone you think has it all together to help you perfectly lay things out. Don’t wait until you’ve sorted through all your notes, sketches, or recordings. Pluck one thing from the beautiful mess of a potentially amazing idea, and do something with it.

Because if you wait until some perfect sign, person, or plan comes around you are not really doing much more than waiting, are you not?

You gotta do at least one thing with your something in order to figure out if this something, is even…something!

And who knows? This one thing from this something could be the key to discovering if it is even anything.

It could be something.

It could be nothing.

It could be everything.

calla

Maggie xo

 

Unclearly 36

They say there is always some truth behind “just kidding,”emotion behind “I don’t care,” and knowledge behind “I don’t know.”

 I made two huge decisions. I  made them based on how I was being treated in both my own home and at a new job. Simply put, I was being treated unfairly. It has taken me a long time to really, like, REALLY stand up for myself. I do it now in a way that when any fear or self-doubt comes to the surface it immediately becomes transmuted, because I have done the inner work to let that shit easily go.

What’s not easy at times however, is what happens after I stand up for myself…

Roommate trying to get me to pay a large bill I had nothing to do with? Never cleaning up the kitchen and always late on rent? Now the utilities are turned off?! I can’t live here, it is not healthy for me. Time to move out, even if I don’t have another home of my own to immediately move into.

New job starts off with the agreement of typical full-time hours, and time to ease into things as it will end up being a demanding position that pulls me in various directions throughout the day….I worked almost 40 hours in 4 days, now you are calling my personal cell all weekend, on my days off, when you just gave me a work phone? I’m exhausted. My chest hurts. I can’t work like this, it is not healthy for me. So let me share with you how I feel. I am overwhelmed. This is too much and I work hard. You don’t care? Go find another job? Deuces.

Remaining in both those situations with no hope for change did not align with the person I represent myself to be and I for damn sure was not “Mastering Self-Care” during this time. As my mom told me, I needed to drink from the same cup I pour out of for my coaching clients. For the women who might not have all the answers but can feel it when things are not right. Who don’t play it safe and stand up for themselves. For herself. For She. For we. Even if the risk might be high, she knows the greater risk of not creating healthy changes for herself will end up costing her more. So I left the two things that  essentially define us as we get older, and am left with just myself.

Eh, not too shabby; I kind of like myself…

I will share though, that right now I am feeling a bit lost. What do I do beyond the basic mundane of finding work and a roof? I am unclear as to what exactly “settling down” looks like for me. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

Just as I did when I was 35 I will keep it moving in forward confusion.

Because the last time I did this-the most amazing things happened, and not only did I create positive change in my own life, it ended up trickling into the lives of others.

Being unclear might be the best thing that is happening to me right now. I just need to keep trying. I am definitely a butterfly mind, and I know what comes next.

Something amazing.  Something better.

Maggie xo

When plans Change, so should You

Hi! I am delighted to share this impromptu video I made tonight after both an amazing workout, and overall, AMAZING Monday!

Lucky me, huh?

 “Sometimes it ends up different, and it is better that way.”

Maggie xo

Happy Every Holiday that is Important to YOU

Love.

Laughter.

Warm hugs,

warm Nights

and blankets.

The noise of Loved Ones,

the Quiet of a rainy day.

Time.

Reflection.

Forward Thinking.

Clarity.

Focus.

Compassion.

2016.

meme
Thank YOU for following!

 Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Butterflies

I heart Love.

My ability to simply sit with the feeling without having any particular person or situation in mind is something I’ve only recently really sank into.

Yet I still love that teenage heart leap when someone you find extra interesting catches your attention. I wouldn’t really call  myself a hopeless romantic… but rather a hopeful sapiosexual.

Meaty conversation, certainty in the uncertain, and a genuine interest in the world around us is what gets my heart pumping.

However, now I mean this with any type of relationship.

Romance, friendships, and work life…whomever, and wherever.

What it really ended up coming down to is the understanding that my energy in this life is precious. I don’t write this with any sense of exclusivity, but more so with a deeper sense of how this operates in my daily life. We experience the mundane and “normal” enough in our day to day. I understand every moment of my existence will not be filled with the type of love-feeling I am describing here,

But…

I also understand that between the larger solid rocks, in that metaphorical jar of what goes in on my life, and with who…the tiny grains of sand fillers are what make it exactly that…fulfilling. So as I move forward making adjustments to my own energy, that includes adjusting interactions that align more with who I am.

(Refer back to the sapiosexual comment)

Because I heart to love,

I will never settle for less than the heart swells and butterflies.

and darling,

Neither should you.

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Maggie xo

30 Somethings: Saying Goodbye

I have been working on this particular blog post for about 3 weeks, and I move in 3 days. I have never relocated this far from my friends and family. I have never relocated indefinitely, and I have never relocated not know what would be in store for me with many *adultish* aspects of my life.

No job, no car, and no home of my own.

Yet.

I guess that’s what makes this incredibly exciting, and scary at the same time…

3o Somethings of Saying Goodbye

1. You have mini “what if” panic attacks.

2. Time flies.

3. You start to think about the loved ones you are leaving behind, and how they can’t be replaced.

4. So you must share with your loved ones how you feel.

5. As it gets closer, each day leading up to your goodbye seems to matter just a little bit more.

6. There are some fantasies going on as the possibilities start to come up with the “hello” part after your goodbye…

7. You experience sporadic overloads of emotion.

8. You think about old friends that you have not talked to in a while,

9. and recall either why you haven’t, or look back fondly.

10. Time flies.

11. Everyone gives their opinion about the changes you are making.

12. You start to tune out opinions about the changes you are making.

13. Packing is very organized in your mind,

14. but executed in a very unorganized fashion.

15. Time. Flies…

It’s okay…608-03471325

16. To experience doubt-it’s normal for our brains to question things that take us outside our comfort zone.

17. To go through weird emotions. Just roll with them-they’ll pass if you let them through.

18. If you throw some things away that make you cringe because they have sentimental value. The sentiment will stay even if the material item does not.

19. To freak out a little.

20. If the next chapter of your life is not fully planned out.

21. That you don’t take much with you.

22. To close the door on relationships you’ve kept simply for keeping’s sake. This is your time to clear any emotional clutter as well.

23. If you need some space to adjust. Grounding yourself into a new environment is your job anyway.

24. To dream bigger than you ever have. Starting a new chapter brings the opportunity to check in with your goals.

From followers via Facebook 

(Ladies you might just be my regulars on 30 Somethings!) 

25. “How family & friends react.” ~Coy

26. “It’s the uncertainty of one’s decision. Did we make the right choice?“~Jodie

27. “I love the excitement of change…being pushed out of my comfort zone gives me a nervous excitement. I love new challenges and making new friends when I move to a new place! I hope to do it again soon!” ~Brigette

28. “The hardest part for me is finding “my people…”My favorite checker at the grocery store or the quirky lady that helps me at CVS, the guy at the bakery that knows my order when I walk int he door. Those are the ones I won’t keep in touch with through Facebook. They are who I truly miss…” ~Marni

29. “Bring the gifts they gave you [friends]…to share with those you meet ahead….there is so much wealth..we are giving to pass on, and so many people crave it…” ~Jayne

Lastly,

30. “In all those years here, you have meet so many people, some that had greatly enriched your life, while others just came and went. For those people who enriched your life, tell them how, what they taught you, maybe like laughing at yourself, or reaching farther than you wanted, what did they teach you, that you will bring to your new home and the people you met?

What was their gift, they passed on to you…..

pooh

Maggie xo