Las Lineas

Man…Women rock.

We love hard, we feel bravely, and are so good at creating structure out of chaos.

I was very much reminded of all of this today.

We are beautiful.

I would like to share a piece I wrote recently published by Kim Baker Gomez.

A beautiful friend with a beautiful heart.

I hope that it reminds you, that you are beautiful too.

Las Lineas-the Lines

They tell you I have laughed more often than the average person.

They show you I have cried perhaps just the same.

They reveal the lineage of my brown skin and the resulting adaptability that lineage provides; keeping me looking younger than I actually am.

They do not fully reveal all those unwashed nights on the pillow, the lack of water, and sometimes excessive partying.

With that said, they fully reveal grace.

Las lineas. The lines. They speak for me in ways I can no longer recall for myself.

How can something so special, and unique to each of us, not be embraced?

But I have never viewed them as my enemy, and just as the lines on the palms of my hands have a path to reveal and a story to tell, they do too.

In my mind when I look in the mirror I see las lineas as love specific to the way I express it. Openly, clumsily at times, but never afraid to get up from the fall.

I simply do not see them as outward connectors to the negatives we are bombarded with about aging. I view them as positively beautiful connectors into the windows of my soul.

I look in the mirror and see the lines reaching into the corner of my eyes….so thin, and not quite noticeable at first glance of my face. Yet at the same time, my lines are so very much earned, and so very much filled with the strength of my experiences over the 37 years I have been on this planet.

NMM

 Maggie xo

 

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The Zoo

I was almost done writing a different blog post for tonight.

I was almost done.

Let me tell you, it’s powerful. It touches on women’s issues. It was written from my heart.

But the couple at the table in front of me started arguing.

I have been single for a while now and forgot the part of being with someone you love like crazy who can also drive you like, crazy. I am also generally not an argumentative person, particularly in public, so this kind of suckered me in.

Slightly raised voices, leaning in to get the point through gritted teeth, and side glances at me as I was in closest proximity to them.

I was very much seated in an audience position.

Don’t judge me. I still kept trying to finish my post. Tried to get into the feeling I had only a few moments before she raised her voice, and he raised up his hands in response….

But I couldn’t.

I felt like I was a peering cautiously into an exhibit at the relationship zoo.

More raised voices, her running off to the bathroom, and more side glances. She comes back in tears, and proceeds to ignore him as they look at their menus. Attempt to deflate the tension in the air with a softer, lower tone. Hair flips then silence.

Maybe I can stop chatting online and get back to this heartfelt meaningful pos-

Uh oh. Suddenly with clearly frustrated body language he leaned across the table and did the thing.

And I knew exactly what he was going to tell her, more or less.

Calm Down.

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Insert every person’s face when you tell them to calm down.

 

It did not end well.

Ah. To be in love. And part of its zoo.

Maggie xo

 

 

 

Anything, But

I mostly feed my soul with this blog, but for today, this post is not for me.

This is for the friend. The friend who wrote me that she is hurting because she feels like she does not know who she is anymore. She says the world took that away from her. She does not like herself when she looks in the mirror. She does not love herself.

“What do you think Maggie?” she asked me.

“What do you say about yourself?”

About myself?

Instantaneously I am compelled to answer that

I am grateful.

Bottom line.

Then I add….

I really like myself. Actually, I love myself. I am keenly aware of the things that make up who I am that I would not change, because then I would be changing the make up of who I am.

Sometimes though…this can be rather annoying…and I think it becomes this way when you REALLY start to like yourself. Love yourself. When you don’t really like or love you-these things can simply hurt. Sometimes…

It seems the world wants you to be anything but the realrawfreewildnonconforming Iamsohappyinmyownpersonalitybubblepleasedonotfreakinpopit-YOU.

So I try to be anything but.

What people that do not have their own best interests at heart, expect me to be.

tried
Maggie xo

Sunday

2nd_pose1Yoga. Not the studio going lululemon-wearing perfect breathing with pretzel poses yoga…It was messy, I cried, and cursed at Yoga with Adriene.

But I felt so good afterward.

Sweaty Gratitude.

Backyard time. Sun. Cards. Wind. Heat. Something majorly poking my butt when I shifted my sitting position to meditate. Hair in my face and bugs.

Fulfilled.

Dinner with a friend. Bloody mary. Heavy food. Chats of romance and making friends. Beautiful baby painting with ranch dressing on the table. Disappearing waiter. We say thank you at the same time.

Heartfelt Fun.

Bookstore. Intriguing card deck discovered. Dusty smells. Long sunset drive home.

Love.

Home.

Night. Bed. The L Word binge. Comfort. Lots of texts.

This One,

“You don’t know how important you are to me.”

Grateful.

Maggie xo

When plans Change, so should You

Hi! I am delighted to share this impromptu video I made tonight after both an amazing workout, and overall, AMAZING Monday!

Lucky me, huh?

 “Sometimes it ends up different, and it is better that way.”

Maggie xo

My Butterfly Effect

Synchronicity hit me this weekend in a few ways, through one insightful angel card reading, and one insightful friend.

“It’s okay Maggie, to fall apart. You don’t have to act put together all the time.”

Wise words from her last night, as she watched me sob over a very young friend I lost a few years ago. When you lose someone, at least in my experience, it does not hurt any less when you remember. Over time for me though, that point of pain would not so readily surface. When I reconnected with it last night it was like an emotional damn had been opened. I have not cried like that in front of someone in a long time. Since my move to another state I have felt at times that twinge of loneliness when you are adjusting to living away from cherished friends, and trying to make new ones. It felt good to be in the company of a person who could really see who I am, and understand the subtle conflict that was going on during a moment of complete vulnerability.

This morning after conducting an interview in a small stuffy office, I decided to take a little walk and get some pictures of this pretty residential community. Still a little hazy from the night before, and sad, it felt nice to be out getting some fresh air. As I walked around, a little friend in the form of a butterfly flew by and alongside me for a few moments.

Then it landed here:

butterfly

I watched him for what felt like forever, people passing me by, looking at me quietly staring, taking waaaay too many pics, but I didn’t care how nuts I appeared. I let myself get lost in the moment, and its beauty. I felt comforted.

Back to that synchronicity thing.

I then recalled a woman I met who was able to communicate with my friend who passed telling me that any time I saw a butterfly, it was his way of saying hello. Then, I remembered my dear friend who gave me the angel card reading sharing my connection to butterfly energy. She had urged me to pay attention to it. Ahhh. Okay. Message received.

And I smiled.

Maggie xo

Heated Kisses and Jalapeños

Holy Shit it’s been a Long Time.

My apologies.

I wanted to share a dream I had.

About this guy

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Just give ya a sec to soak it in

Yes friends, I had a dream relationship with Khal Drogo. He bought me a sweet red leather jacket, and ice cream. He picked me up from my dorm every day to see how I was doing.  At night we would sit barefoot on the grass under the stars, and talk for “hours.” He adored me. I woke up pretty amused! And of course, kind of bummed, but grateful for our day in the sun. Or should I say moon.

Another feeling I experienced when I woke up though, was a twinge of discomfort. I had forgotten what it felt like to hold someone’s affection this way, and to have someone be completely enamored with me. I can only describe it as discomfort because it has been quite a few years in my reality that I have experienced this type of attention from someone. It felt nice in the dream, albeit it only that. You all know how real they can feel.

It is in my nature to be affectionate, loving, and expressive to those who already do, or begin to take up space in my heart. I am aware this is not common of most to outwardly express it with such ease, even if they feel it. Rather than search for reciprocity I consider it my gift, and part of the way I help light up this crazy world. I am guessing the discomfort stemmed from the loss of recognizing how good it fucking feels to be shown love in this way. Excuse the french, but come on…doesn’t it feel fucking fantastic??

Anyway, I shared this dream on Facebook with some of my friends, and as usual, I have my one greatest cheerleader, who is always there to remind me, that I deserve what I dream. Another slight moment of familiar discomfort returns with her comment, but then I override it with what my true nature knows. YES. You are right my friend. You are right.

Although I might have to tweek the dream a tad, seeing that I am not in college anymore, and Jason Momoa might not have the time to see me every day. What with his travels and all…

~

The truth of the matter Is

I am not longing for a relationship. I am hungry for a connection. I am not waiting for “Mr. Right.” I am continuously working on myself to always feel right. But not for anyone else. Just me. I figure, if I am going to treat someone awesome, I need to feel awesome.

And as I’ve shifted my perceptions on what singleness means to me, I experience a different opportunity. Because I do not have the day to day romantic connection with anyone at this time, I open myself to what it feels like to heartily fall in love in other ways. When I first moved to Texas I met a girl in a meetup group who I instantly connected with. I 20160131_152928fell in love with her spirit and beauty within weeks of getting to know her! She lights up my life. I am in love with the first savory bite of a really spicy jalapeño popper. I am in love with my California friends more than ever because I am often reminded they are irreplaceable. I am in love with my bedroom window, and the way the sun hits it later in the afternoon.

I fall completely in love with my Nephew and Niece every single time they call me “Curly Titi.”

Would it be nice to meet a cute guy who could talk books and pull me in for heated kisses while we’re taking a walk? Hell to the Yes. I rest in the knowing this is my future somewhere. So there is no need to wait for something that has already arrived. It’s just not my time, or I guess, it’s just not ours.

So to my 30+ single friends…You’ve asked, and I am answering…

Don’t Wait. Just Be.

Maggie xo

P.s. Disclaimer…I do believe those in romantic partnerships still fall in love in other ways, but my perspective can only represent my current situation =)

Happy Every Holiday that is Important to YOU

Love.

Laughter.

Warm hugs,

warm Nights

and blankets.

The noise of Loved Ones,

the Quiet of a rainy day.

Time.

Reflection.

Forward Thinking.

Clarity.

Focus.

Compassion.

2016.

meme
Thank YOU for following!

 Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Butterflies

I heart Love.

My ability to simply sit with the feeling without having any particular person or situation in mind is something I’ve only recently really sank into.

Yet I still love that teenage heart leap when someone you find extra interesting catches your attention. I wouldn’t really call  myself a hopeless romantic… but rather a hopeful sapiosexual.

Meaty conversation, certainty in the uncertain, and a genuine interest in the world around us is what gets my heart pumping.

However, now I mean this with any type of relationship.

Romance, friendships, and work life…whomever, and wherever.

What it really ended up coming down to is the understanding that my energy in this life is precious. I don’t write this with any sense of exclusivity, but more so with a deeper sense of how this operates in my daily life. We experience the mundane and “normal” enough in our day to day. I understand every moment of my existence will not be filled with the type of love-feeling I am describing here,

But…

I also understand that between the larger solid rocks, in that metaphorical jar of what goes in on my life, and with who…the tiny grains of sand fillers are what make it exactly that…fulfilling. So as I move forward making adjustments to my own energy, that includes adjusting interactions that align more with who I am.

(Refer back to the sapiosexual comment)

Because I heart to love,

I will never settle for less than the heart swells and butterflies.

and darling,

Neither should you.

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Maggie xo

30 Somethings: Saying Goodbye

I have been working on this particular blog post for about 3 weeks, and I move in 3 days. I have never relocated this far from my friends and family. I have never relocated indefinitely, and I have never relocated not know what would be in store for me with many *adultish* aspects of my life.

No job, no car, and no home of my own.

Yet.

I guess that’s what makes this incredibly exciting, and scary at the same time…

3o Somethings of Saying Goodbye

1. You have mini “what if” panic attacks.

2. Time flies.

3. You start to think about the loved ones you are leaving behind, and how they can’t be replaced.

4. So you must share with your loved ones how you feel.

5. As it gets closer, each day leading up to your goodbye seems to matter just a little bit more.

6. There are some fantasies going on as the possibilities start to come up with the “hello” part after your goodbye…

7. You experience sporadic overloads of emotion.

8. You think about old friends that you have not talked to in a while,

9. and recall either why you haven’t, or look back fondly.

10. Time flies.

11. Everyone gives their opinion about the changes you are making.

12. You start to tune out opinions about the changes you are making.

13. Packing is very organized in your mind,

14. but executed in a very unorganized fashion.

15. Time. Flies…

It’s okay…608-03471325

16. To experience doubt-it’s normal for our brains to question things that take us outside our comfort zone.

17. To go through weird emotions. Just roll with them-they’ll pass if you let them through.

18. If you throw some things away that make you cringe because they have sentimental value. The sentiment will stay even if the material item does not.

19. To freak out a little.

20. If the next chapter of your life is not fully planned out.

21. That you don’t take much with you.

22. To close the door on relationships you’ve kept simply for keeping’s sake. This is your time to clear any emotional clutter as well.

23. If you need some space to adjust. Grounding yourself into a new environment is your job anyway.

24. To dream bigger than you ever have. Starting a new chapter brings the opportunity to check in with your goals.

From followers via Facebook 

(Ladies you might just be my regulars on 30 Somethings!) 

25. “How family & friends react.” ~Coy

26. “It’s the uncertainty of one’s decision. Did we make the right choice?“~Jodie

27. “I love the excitement of change…being pushed out of my comfort zone gives me a nervous excitement. I love new challenges and making new friends when I move to a new place! I hope to do it again soon!” ~Brigette

28. “The hardest part for me is finding “my people…”My favorite checker at the grocery store or the quirky lady that helps me at CVS, the guy at the bakery that knows my order when I walk int he door. Those are the ones I won’t keep in touch with through Facebook. They are who I truly miss…” ~Marni

29. “Bring the gifts they gave you [friends]…to share with those you meet ahead….there is so much wealth..we are giving to pass on, and so many people crave it…” ~Jayne

Lastly,

30. “In all those years here, you have meet so many people, some that had greatly enriched your life, while others just came and went. For those people who enriched your life, tell them how, what they taught you, maybe like laughing at yourself, or reaching farther than you wanted, what did they teach you, that you will bring to your new home and the people you met?

What was their gift, they passed on to you…..

pooh

Maggie xo