M.A.S.H.

I have a student at my work who is a little negative Nancy. She never seems entirely happy from moment to moment, nor easily satisfied. For example, one day we were coloring during free time, and she mentioned wanting to have her old teacher back. I asked what did she like about her that made her want be back in her class? She replied “Well she let me draw and color during free time.”

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Gotcha…

A few days ago it ended up being just us two girls and a handful of boys in program. For first period they all wanted to play basketball. Normally I play with them (grandma shots and all), but of course, my negative Nancy was unhappy that we all wanted to do something physically active…during physical activity time. She slumped onto a bench nearby and crossed her arms. I decided to see if I could help shift her mood.

“Have you ever played M.A.S.H.?”

I took out some paper from my work binder and gave her first turn. She chose potential jobs, number of children, pets, and “types” of future husbands. When it was time to count off she declared that picking a type of husband was the hardest part.

I might have to agree with her on that one.

When we finished the first round she was appalled at the job she landed. “Whyyyy did I get THAT job?!” Imitating her signature whiny tone I answered.

“Becaaaause, you CHOSE that job!”

Then, it was my turn.

Now this is where it got kind of cool. My girl initially picked some pretty mediocre shit. She had never played the game, and was understandably unfamiliar with how to fully engage it. So as my turns went on, and I had named a horse as one of my pets, “a wild warrior” as a potential husband, and one of my jobs getting paid to travel it started to sink in for her.
There were no limits.

What were her dreams like at this age?

Amazing!

We played back and forth for the entire period. By the time we got to her last turn she was clapping in delight, as she landed an “artistic guy,” a pet dragon, zero kids, and a job as an artist. When I asked if she thought these things could come true she shrugged, but then mentioned with a slight smile, “But it’s what I WANT.”

 Later that night I thought about our time together and how my turns went. The initial ones were more in the area of magical outcomes, more silly to reflect the lightness of the game to my Nancy, but also with a hint of truth to which I would not share with even the closest of friends. Sometimes children keep the best secrets. One turn midway I realized was what I thought I wanted, and the very last turn ended up being most of things I currently, really wanted.

Well, maybe I can’t have a pet wolf.

But perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to pet one.

Maggie xo

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I find peace in the wind and a smile in the sun. I make conversation with the trees and giggle with the animals. A day of fulfillment does not begin with how the world greets me, but how I greet it. It becomes beautifully mutual that way.

The richest moments in my daily life might entail feeling the light from a chat with a cashier, or a brief moment when I sense my presence on this planet fully understood from someone I admire. They often understand it, more than I do right now.

For it is in the little things that create the knowing there is something out there, bigger than myself.

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And that’s what makes me happy.

Maggie xo

Beauty and the Bleh

Getting out of bed at 1pm. Netflix marathons on the couch at my sister’s, ignored texts, and empty smiles. Late night potato chips and early morning roll overs thinking:

Bleh.

How am feeling like this when truly my life isn’t so bad? Or I guess I should say how am I NOT feeling much at all? New job. Bleh. New people in my life and places to explore. Bleh. A generous friend provides a space for me to live until I figure out my next move. Bleh. Thank you friend, but also, Bleh.

After about a month of the Bleh on my shoulders, and in my mind, I took a job dog sitting. This giant mastiff was unaware of his size and from the way he “talked” to me I’m not sure he even realized he was a dog. I would take him outside and watch him roam around the lush green property. The early morning check-in granted me the chance to see the sun come up. I felt a twinge of something familiar in my gut.

The feeling of content, and of being safe.

Then I started to feel excited about coming to this spot every day for the next week and convening with nature. The excitement turned into hope, and that hope turned into a smile. The Bleh was still there, but I could feel it struggling to stay on my shoulders with every effort I made to really sink into small but meaningful actions of self-care. Over the course of a few weeks the Bleh, still trying to cling but no longer able to hold on as tightly, started to slowly slide off of me, and float away.

I was able to connect with the beauty in my world again. Beauty in the new opportunities that had come up due to the lost ones, and beauty in the relationships that carried me through the Bleh. But also, the beauty of rolling out of bed, down the stairs, into my car, and on to simply being out. Thank god for the sunrise, sunsets, and giant dogs.

Maggie xo

when She is Big

I would like to share something written by a woman I admire, and have had the pleasure to work with over the last few months.

She is Big because she is not afraid to dig deep, and uses what she finds to positively move forward! I am proud of this Calla gal.

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When I am Big
I am a mindful, centered, positive creator.
I am helpful and giving to others in a way that doesn’t drain me or steal my energy.
I am dynamic and energetic with a thirst for life and change.
I am kind and compassionate from a place of love and not fear or anger.
I am strong and truthful and authentic and able to express my position with words of wisdom.
I am free from the shackles of societal and familial pressures and forge my own path based on the whispers of my Heart.
I am slow moving through each present moment with a quiet mind and an open heart.
I am uplifted because the universe has my back and I put my wholehearted trust in that Divine Power.
That is who I am when I am Big.

Vanessa, a Callavida Gal

Squirrel

Here’s to my people who enjoy doing nothing when you’re supposed to be doing something, or in this instance, end up doing some things that detour you from the everything else you were supposed to do…

I made plans to write my blog post this afternoon. The morning was super productive, sweet sleep in, awesome meditation session, and start of laundry. Before I started to write I decided to watch one quick show while I had some lunch. I sit on my bed, put my food aside and start the show search. This was one of those times where my food and TV time simply had to be paired. You know when your plate is ready, but you wait until that first intro note from a show to start eating…do you know? Is it just me?

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It can’t be just Me

I don’t have cable so it’s all about streaming.The show would not load from one site. The same show did not have any link sources on the next one. So I tried another, and another. And, another. There were other options, but that Taurus stubborn part of me decided THIS was the show that had to be watched with my lunch. I finally gave up and decided to watch Netflix. After all, I’d already wasted a few minutes and needed to get cracking on this blog post.

Then I looked at the clock.

I had spent almost 10 minutes looking at different stream sources, and waiting for them to load. I was so eerily focused I didn’t even realize how much time had passed.

Can you guess how much attention my writing received after that show? Maybe 10 minutes. Maybe. I had suddenly decided there were all these other things I needed to do before I went into writing mode. I changed the cover photo for my birthday brunch, watched a documentary, plucked my eyebrows…you know, all the important stuff.

Now here I am…almost 10 hours later writing about this to you. So yes, it IS getting done. Writing on my blog is honestly not the most important thing in the world to me, but it is important to me.

I find it funny, and interesting how often we invest in focusing on the doing these little unimportant things when we are in the midst of wanting to do what’s important. How often we direct our energy in thought and action on things that really don’t take us to the next level, or move us forward. They just sort of keep us occupied until we’re ready to do what matters.

And yet, all those little things we do to avoid what is needed to be done can be so fun right? I loved the documentary. It was fun to lay in bed creating a cool chicken and waffles-themed cover photo for the party. My eyebrows desperately needed some TLC and I saved a little money. If I hadn’t gone squirrel on myself today I would not have written such a truly inspired post…right?

Right…

Maggie xo