The Zoo

I was almost done writing a different blog post for tonight.

I was almost done.

Let me tell you, it’s powerful. It touches on women’s issues. It was written from my heart.

But the couple at the table in front of me started arguing.

I have been single for a while now and forgot the part of being with someone you love like crazy who can also drive you like, crazy. I am also generally not an argumentative person, particularly in public, so this kind of suckered me in.

Slightly raised voices, leaning in to get the point through gritted teeth, and side glances at me as I was in closest proximity to them.

I was very much seated in an audience position.

Don’t judge me. I still kept trying to finish my post. Tried to get into the feeling I had only a few moments before she raised her voice, and he raised up his hands in response….

But I couldn’t.

I felt like I was a peering cautiously into an exhibit at the relationship zoo.

More raised voices, her running off to the bathroom, and more side glances. She comes back in tears, and proceeds to ignore him as they look at their menus. Attempt to deflate the tension in the air with a softer, lower tone. Hair flips then silence.

Maybe I can stop chatting online and get back to this heartfelt meaningful pos-

Uh oh. Suddenly with clearly frustrated body language he leaned across the table and did the thing.

And I knew exactly what he was going to tell her, more or less.

Calm Down.

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Insert every person’s face when you tell them to calm down.

 

It did not end well.

Ah. To be in love. And part of its zoo.

Maggie xo

 

 

 

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Thank You for Your Goodbye

Bear with me on this post…I am feeling a bit salty as I start this.

Thursday marked the closing of a thread of toxic relationships in my life.

At first I was upset-this last friend was someone I had known for a long time, and I expected more from her because of that. I expected to be treated with the consideration that for the first time in our friendship I spoke up for myself. I was kind yet honest, and I was…you know…considerate. But no. Apparently I struck a major cord by communicating that I needed some space so she decided to put permanent space between us.

The Facebook unfriending! When-someone-unfriends-me

When I realized this was the manner of which I was getting the boot I had to chuckle. I guess in this sense, my expectations were met.

But as many of us learn the hard way…it is in general, really not healthy to hold expectations with others. Especially the ones you have seen repeat the same negative patterns in other relationships.

Why would I be any different?

I’m not.

And that is totally okay.

I don’t believe every single thing happens for a reason, but I do believe that the last few people who have exited my life in ways that do not honor all the years we’ve shared with each other is a sign I am experiencing the clearing of emotional clutter. Because clearing means creating space for greater things to come.

I would like to thank these last few people who I have parted ways with.

For your time in the past, however we left things it healthily clears my present, but I do honestly wish you well with your future, and release you with love.

I am going to keep it moving looking forward, and up.

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Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Butterflies

I heart Love.

My ability to simply sit with the feeling without having any particular person or situation in mind is something I’ve only recently really sank into.

Yet I still love that teenage heart leap when someone you find extra interesting catches your attention. I wouldn’t really call  myself a hopeless romantic… but rather a hopeful sapiosexual.

Meaty conversation, certainty in the uncertain, and a genuine interest in the world around us is what gets my heart pumping.

However, now I mean this with any type of relationship.

Romance, friendships, and work life…whomever, and wherever.

What it really ended up coming down to is the understanding that my energy in this life is precious. I don’t write this with any sense of exclusivity, but more so with a deeper sense of how this operates in my daily life. We experience the mundane and “normal” enough in our day to day. I understand every moment of my existence will not be filled with the type of love-feeling I am describing here,

But…

I also understand that between the larger solid rocks, in that metaphorical jar of what goes in on my life, and with who…the tiny grains of sand fillers are what make it exactly that…fulfilling. So as I move forward making adjustments to my own energy, that includes adjusting interactions that align more with who I am.

(Refer back to the sapiosexual comment)

Because I heart to love,

I will never settle for less than the heart swells and butterflies.

and darling,

Neither should you.

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Maggie xo

Heart Path

I knew 2015 would change my life.

I knew it would because I decided that this year would be my year of clarity and change. When you set an intention out to the world, and decide I will rather than “I’ll try,” you set things in motion.

“I’ll try” is done from a seated position, whereas “I will” is the getting up.

This is one major aspect that not everyone really thinks about. We plan, we research, we change our minds, we wait for the “right time,” and we end up doing all of that from the seated position when what we really need to do is get up. Start following whatever is in front of us on our right path. Make decisionsblog along the way. Follow the bread crumb trail and make the pit stops when you hit those important landmarks.

Sometimes the path can mean veering from the one you’ve been on for a while, and taking a risk because your gut tells you 1) The path you’re on is leading nowhere, 2) The uncertain path WILL lead you to better things, or 3) Both…

It’s usually the last one.

Now I believe in simply moving forward in any capacity. Take one small trip to a new event. Have a medium-sized conversation with someone you normally don’t engage with on Facebook. Skip the chocolate tonight. Take the stairs. Apply for some dream jobs whilst working at your current one.

Do a small “let’s just check and see what the rent costs are” in the area you’ve thought about moving to…

Or a huge one-way ticket to a new home.

I’m just following the bread crumb trail because I know in the end no matter where I end up I will stay consistently satiated.

Because I keep picking things up along the way that feed me, and letting go of the things that do not.

Maggie xo

that Thing

calla

I have what I call a “Sex and the City” fantasy where I live in a super swanky apartment in New York with a gray great dane and disposable income whilst not working full-time.
Fantasy indeed.

It’s tweaked now, took it down a notch as I am more of a beach gal and not ready for the responsibility of a such a wonderful (and needy) mammal.
But the great thing is however I tweak it-it’s going to happen.

Because I am just crazy enough to know that whatever things make me feel excited, elated, happy, fulfilled and REAL are always possible to get into my tiny-handed grasp.
Do I have to work for and at it? Yes. Fall sometimes? Yes. Fail sometimes? Yes.
Keep it moving.
My new rule is if it scares me, but I get excited thinking about the other side of that fear…then I do it.
Because most of us who follow what we are really meant for in life, what we not only secretly want to do, but feel almost a sense of duty to do will run into fear.
Passion will always beat the distraction of fear-if you keep it at the forefront of your mind, and use it to jump over all those mental obstacles meant to keep you replaying, and reliving your bullshit. And mine.

Look, it doesn’t even have to be scary, or a game changer for anyone but you! You love knitting and want to show off your stuff? Start an Instagram where you debut all your latest projects. Love to sing but not interested in auditioning for American Idol? Buy a karaoke system and master Bohemian Rhapsody for your own personal satisfaction!

So follow that “thing” that makes you feel crazy passionate…and even a bit vulnerable.
For me it’s jalapeno poppers,
and women fully connecting with their worth,
Cuz it took me too damn long to fully connect with Mine.

Maggie xo

Clearly 35


I turn 35 in one week.

I don’t feel 35.

And I certainly don’t LOOK 35…

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But here I am. Turning 35.

There have been moments I have been really down on myself-because most 35 year-old women have the following: their own place (or a roomie), an established career, a significant other, and if not with, in the works of babies.

Babies are freaking everywhere when you hit your mid-30s.

Everywhere.

baby

Overall I am pretty happy though. Because at this time last year I was a few things I am no longer: financially unstable, working at a place I was burnt out from,  and generally kinda confused about everything in my life. In some important areas.

So when New Years hit this time around, I decided since I was already mostly there I would continue to make CLARITY my 2015 “theme.” Clear on all areas of my life.

and I’ve learned that with Clarity still comes some confusion!

But it’s more what I like to label as “forward confusion.”

For example, I attended a meetup I was uncertain about directly supporting my path, but since it was CLEAR in my gut that it would be good for me, I went. The clarity came after when a woman I met from the group gave me an unexpected reading so powerful it still sits with me right now, encourages me, and has further connected me with plans for my future.

So it’s all good.

At 35, in 2015 I am going to keep it moving in forward confusion.

Because so far on the other side-there has always been Clarity.

Maggie xo

Heart on My Sleeve…where it will Stay

I like Taylor Swift. She makes me happy and also sits with me on some sadness I have experienced in past relationships. She reminds of my niece and I have fun singing to her in the car. Okay I love her.

I like the movie Enchanted. The song at the end that Carrie Underwood sings about “ever ever afterrrr?” Love. Yea I love this movie.

I sometimes YouTube Jim and Pam’s wedding just for a smile.

I check in with an ex a few times a year just to remind myself that some connections can still warm my heart-even if it didn’t work out.

I get pedicures with another who is now a great friend and still makes me laugh harder than most people I know. (Yup, pedis)

I forgive.

I let go.

Keep smiling.

Hoping;

Believing.

Looking forward, and

Loving.

Knowing

That as much as life has given me reasons to tuck it away (because let’s face it sometimes love just SUCKS right?) my heart will always remain on my sleeve, and that in keeping it there, it is a courageous way of loving myself, too.

Maggie xo

What’s Love Got to do With It

“If he really loved me he would have stayed.”

“If she really loved me she would change.”broken-heart

“He said he loved me why did he hurt me?”

“She said she would always have my back why did she end up stabbing it?”

Ever asked yourself any of these questions? Some of them? All of them? I think at some point we all have been in a place of confusion and/or hurt due to this thing called love.

With certain people in our lives the love comes with expectations, and guarantees. Isn’t it funny how we tend to cut our friends and family a little more slack with the expectations and guarantees?

The guarantee they will never leave. The guarantee they will never truly hurt our feelings. The expectation they will always remain faithful. The guarantee that no matter what they will stick around to work things out. The expectation that they will never tragically let us down.

Most of the time, love has nothing to do with these unfortunate experiences.

It really can not be, about you.

The thing is,

It is not usually the love that betrays you-it is the person or belief in a guarantee made by them, or one you made up in your mind.

The only thing that love guarantees is…an experience.

With that said my point is, love. Always love. Live love, be love, and be brave in love. Because those times you feel like love let you down are the very times I write of. Remember, it is not usually the love that lets you down, and you miss out on so much when you hold on to things that have nothing to do with the purest form of the way you love others.

So what’s love got to do with it?

Sometimes everything, and other times…nothing at all.

Maggie xo