The Water Relationship

I am writing this on a whim…my Black Fridays entail steering clear of any place that advertises this happening.

I just came across a YouTube video from a man named Ralph Smart. He was quite entertaining to watch, and dives pretty deep while keeping the spirit lifted.

It’s a pleasant combination.

 As a single person I found this empowering, and also thought, what a great check-in for those in relationships, who like myself, are always trying to dig just a little bit deeper…

Stay Single

Stay Single until You find Someone:

  • You love to eat with-I have never really think about this, but food, meals, the way I cook and explore…it would be only fitting to be with someone who carries at least some of my interests in this area!
  • Who helps you evolve, and wants you to.
  • Who loves your heart as much as your backside-looks change, we are more than our beautiful bodies, and you want to be with someone who is just as attracted, if not more, to your heart.
  • That enjoys your silence as much as your words….no awkwardness in the quiet. I was actually thinking I would like to be with someone who also appreciates it.
  • That motivates you just by thinking about them.
  • Who is ready to be vulnerable with you! For those of us who date men-listen up. A sensitive man who shows you his heart on all sides is showing you he trusts you. Appreciate that. In the world we live in right now.

We need these men to more boldly step forward.

I don’t spend much time looking around for advice about being single because it all tends to be the same, and in my 30s it’s unfortunate that for the most part, advice is based off of trying to help me reach some end point of ultimate happiness. I very much appreciated this video, and just had to share.

To the ones who are happily single-you can continue to be truly happy and still desire to connect with someone! And, to the ones who are not-from personal experience, you won’t be able to genuinely connect with someone, until you can truly be happy.

love

Maggie xo

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Adulting: Holding on to Your POP

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?

For me, it is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?

No way.

Here comes that shit again.

Amigos,

Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!

And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.

The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.

It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.

Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.

Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.

You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.

So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

Well,

IT TAKES WORK.

You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!

Here are a few ways to get started:worth

1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.

No matter where you are.

Maggie xo

The Some of Everything

Hey Humans,

Most of the time I don’t know what the hell I am doing.  I plan on certain things happening-eating, sleeping(at some point), work, and bills. Most everything else, I navigate day to day, gut feeling by gut feeling.

I kinda just do as I go, and go as I do.

I love it.

I love it because I used to plan a lot in the past.

I had a plan for every possible negative outcome that could happen when it came to my health, relationships, and any natural talents I possessed.

You see, all the planning I was doing essentially stemmed from fear. Sketched out by my insecurities, outlined by my worries, and essayed by my anxiety.

I didn’t realize how much this way of thinking contributed to my habit of self-sabotage until I saw a therapist.

Which is a whole different blog post I might get to in the future.

Back to the planning thing. Planning is not all negative. Planning can be really great, and imperative for certain situations. The planning I was consistently doing was not healthy. Over the years I learned, and am learning, what kind of planner I am, what kind of planner I want to be, and what kind of planner I don’t want to be.

These are three things I believe we should not hold off on for the perfect plan.

The weather, people, and creative ideas.

Waiting for the perfect sunshine weather to take a walk along that beach you love? First of all, be grateful you live close enough to a beach to do that because I am very jealous right now, and second, put on a hoodie…go for that walk. Waiting for the perfect person to sweep you off your feet? Sweep yourself off your feet, and your vision of this desired person will become less narrow, thus opening your eyes to greater possibilities.

Have an idea that charges up your creative mojo, lights up your mind, and ignites your soul? Don’t wait to talk to someone you think has it all together to help you perfectly lay things out. Don’t wait until you’ve sorted through all your notes, sketches, or recordings. Pluck one thing from the beautiful mess of a potentially amazing idea, and do something with it.

Because if you wait until some perfect sign, person, or plan comes around you are not really doing much more than waiting, are you not?

You gotta do at least one thing with your something in order to figure out if this something, is even…something!

And who knows? This one thing from this something could be the key to discovering if it is even anything.

It could be something.

It could be nothing.

It could be everything.

calla

Maggie xo

 

Anything, But

I mostly feed my soul with this blog, but for today, this post is not for me.

This is for the friend. The friend who wrote me that she is hurting because she feels like she does not know who she is anymore. She says the world took that away from her. She does not like herself when she looks in the mirror. She does not love herself.

“What do you think Maggie?” she asked me.

“What do you say about yourself?”

About myself?

Instantaneously I am compelled to answer that

I am grateful.

Bottom line.

Then I add….

I really like myself. Actually, I love myself. I am keenly aware of the things that make up who I am that I would not change, because then I would be changing the make up of who I am.

Sometimes though…this can be rather annoying…and I think it becomes this way when you REALLY start to like yourself. Love yourself. When you don’t really like or love you-these things can simply hurt. Sometimes…

It seems the world wants you to be anything but the realrawfreewildnonconforming Iamsohappyinmyownpersonalitybubblepleasedonotfreakinpopit-YOU.

So I try to be anything but.

What people that do not have their own best interests at heart, expect me to be.

tried
Maggie xo

Who do I Love More?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? Maybe you’ve had to make a decision that would be great for you but might upset or shift a situation that you are either way too comfortable with, or someone else is?

I used to do this too much. It was like I was always second priority when it came to making choices. Even when the only person that would be affected was me-yes, I would put my “eh” self before my best one. And we know what this generally ties into right?

Our self-worth.

So, I try to ask myself these days:

“Who do I love more?”

Then I compare. For example, something I check in with frequently is the people I choose to keep close and support in my life. Boundaries can be a frequent issue for the givers. So, if I am “helping” someone by constantly giving them advice an ear and my time…but it is sucking up my mental energy, I would (and have) asked: “Who do love I more-that person, and their perhaps unrealized need to feed off my energy or me, and my need to preserve it?”

Does that make sense? Think about how effective this question can be if we really sit with it. It can even be for little things. Like, “Who do I love more-Jack and the Box jalapeño poppers or my body which has to deal with uncomfortably digesting it?”

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Why is that question so hard

So next time you are faced with a decision that you KNOW in your gut could have an excellent healthy solid answer if it not for some external factor or possible outcome that is maybe not so hot, again including your own not so hot feelings to stay comfortable or agreeable…ask yourself this question.

Who do I love more?

Because even when we have the best intentions and considerations for the things outside ourselves, that answer should pretty much always somehow,

Be You.

Maggie xo

30 Somethings: Saying Goodbye

I have been working on this particular blog post for about 3 weeks, and I move in 3 days. I have never relocated this far from my friends and family. I have never relocated indefinitely, and I have never relocated not know what would be in store for me with many *adultish* aspects of my life.

No job, no car, and no home of my own.

Yet.

I guess that’s what makes this incredibly exciting, and scary at the same time…

3o Somethings of Saying Goodbye

1. You have mini “what if” panic attacks.

2. Time flies.

3. You start to think about the loved ones you are leaving behind, and how they can’t be replaced.

4. So you must share with your loved ones how you feel.

5. As it gets closer, each day leading up to your goodbye seems to matter just a little bit more.

6. There are some fantasies going on as the possibilities start to come up with the “hello” part after your goodbye…

7. You experience sporadic overloads of emotion.

8. You think about old friends that you have not talked to in a while,

9. and recall either why you haven’t, or look back fondly.

10. Time flies.

11. Everyone gives their opinion about the changes you are making.

12. You start to tune out opinions about the changes you are making.

13. Packing is very organized in your mind,

14. but executed in a very unorganized fashion.

15. Time. Flies…

It’s okay…608-03471325

16. To experience doubt-it’s normal for our brains to question things that take us outside our comfort zone.

17. To go through weird emotions. Just roll with them-they’ll pass if you let them through.

18. If you throw some things away that make you cringe because they have sentimental value. The sentiment will stay even if the material item does not.

19. To freak out a little.

20. If the next chapter of your life is not fully planned out.

21. That you don’t take much with you.

22. To close the door on relationships you’ve kept simply for keeping’s sake. This is your time to clear any emotional clutter as well.

23. If you need some space to adjust. Grounding yourself into a new environment is your job anyway.

24. To dream bigger than you ever have. Starting a new chapter brings the opportunity to check in with your goals.

From followers via Facebook 

(Ladies you might just be my regulars on 30 Somethings!) 

25. “How family & friends react.” ~Coy

26. “It’s the uncertainty of one’s decision. Did we make the right choice?“~Jodie

27. “I love the excitement of change…being pushed out of my comfort zone gives me a nervous excitement. I love new challenges and making new friends when I move to a new place! I hope to do it again soon!” ~Brigette

28. “The hardest part for me is finding “my people…”My favorite checker at the grocery store or the quirky lady that helps me at CVS, the guy at the bakery that knows my order when I walk int he door. Those are the ones I won’t keep in touch with through Facebook. They are who I truly miss…” ~Marni

29. “Bring the gifts they gave you [friends]…to share with those you meet ahead….there is so much wealth..we are giving to pass on, and so many people crave it…” ~Jayne

Lastly,

30. “In all those years here, you have meet so many people, some that had greatly enriched your life, while others just came and went. For those people who enriched your life, tell them how, what they taught you, maybe like laughing at yourself, or reaching farther than you wanted, what did they teach you, that you will bring to your new home and the people you met?

What was their gift, they passed on to you…..

pooh

Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Nausea

Last night my friends threw me a going away party.

It is one of two before I move to Texas,

and as bummed as I am to leave some really amazing people I am also
experiencing a heart swell so big it almost hurts, and makes me want to cryvalentine_face_1

or throw up…

Kind of like being in love?

I am so grateful.

Moving is the trigger for this feeling because it is causing me to reflect on my relationships, and what I would hope for with creating new ones.

You see…

Most of us are lucky to find a handful of people in our lives that we really connect with. We are especially lucky  to find friendships that remain solid over many years.

Most of us are lucky if we end a romantic relationship amicably and find gratitude in the experience. We are especially lucky to keep the friendship solid after that same ending.

So most of us are, and feel lucky if we can have some forms of this remain a constant throughout our lives.

As for me,

I have it all-with more than a handful of people.

And for that,

I am incredibly grateful.

pooh

Heart is swelling again

Maggie xo

that Thing

calla

I have what I call a “Sex and the City” fantasy where I live in a super swanky apartment in New York with a gray great dane and disposable income whilst not working full-time.
Fantasy indeed.

It’s tweaked now, took it down a notch as I am more of a beach gal and not ready for the responsibility of a such a wonderful (and needy) mammal.
But the great thing is however I tweak it-it’s going to happen.

Because I am just crazy enough to know that whatever things make me feel excited, elated, happy, fulfilled and REAL are always possible to get into my tiny-handed grasp.
Do I have to work for and at it? Yes. Fall sometimes? Yes. Fail sometimes? Yes.
Keep it moving.
My new rule is if it scares me, but I get excited thinking about the other side of that fear…then I do it.
Because most of us who follow what we are really meant for in life, what we not only secretly want to do, but feel almost a sense of duty to do will run into fear.
Passion will always beat the distraction of fear-if you keep it at the forefront of your mind, and use it to jump over all those mental obstacles meant to keep you replaying, and reliving your bullshit. And mine.

Look, it doesn’t even have to be scary, or a game changer for anyone but you! You love knitting and want to show off your stuff? Start an Instagram where you debut all your latest projects. Love to sing but not interested in auditioning for American Idol? Buy a karaoke system and master Bohemian Rhapsody for your own personal satisfaction!

So follow that “thing” that makes you feel crazy passionate…and even a bit vulnerable.
For me it’s jalapeno poppers,
and women fully connecting with their worth,
Cuz it took me too damn long to fully connect with Mine.

Maggie xo

Clearly 35


I turn 35 in one week.

I don’t feel 35.

And I certainly don’t LOOK 35…

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But here I am. Turning 35.

There have been moments I have been really down on myself-because most 35 year-old women have the following: their own place (or a roomie), an established career, a significant other, and if not with, in the works of babies.

Babies are freaking everywhere when you hit your mid-30s.

Everywhere.

baby

Overall I am pretty happy though. Because at this time last year I was a few things I am no longer: financially unstable, working at a place I was burnt out from,  and generally kinda confused about everything in my life. In some important areas.

So when New Years hit this time around, I decided since I was already mostly there I would continue to make CLARITY my 2015 “theme.” Clear on all areas of my life.

and I’ve learned that with Clarity still comes some confusion!

But it’s more what I like to label as “forward confusion.”

For example, I attended a meetup I was uncertain about directly supporting my path, but since it was CLEAR in my gut that it would be good for me, I went. The clarity came after when a woman I met from the group gave me an unexpected reading so powerful it still sits with me right now, encourages me, and has further connected me with plans for my future.

So it’s all good.

At 35, in 2015 I am going to keep it moving in forward confusion.

Because so far on the other side-there has always been Clarity.

Maggie xo

BeYouty

.What makes you beautiful?

The BE YOU part!

So be you!

The real you.

The you that is still. The you that does not feel forced, doubtful, or anxious.

The BE-YOU-tiful part of you is easy, light, certain, and free.

Some parts of you you want to work on?

Go ahead.

Because part of being YOU should be growing YOU.

The older I get the more I settle into myself, and put in the effort to develop the me I want to be. The me I know will connect with the world in a more honest way if I connect with myself in a healthier way.

It also takes much less effort to be yourself in the long run. Now when people ask me how I am I tell them. I used to cringe inside while saying “fi-yeene” in a high-pitched voice, and sometimes I still do, but mostly, if you ask how I am…you’ll get that earful the real me wants to share with you.

So go ahead and be you.

Because this is where the true Be-You-ty lies!

i-am-fabulous-funny-quotes

 http://www.callavida.org/

Maggie xo