Sometimes, the best part of diving into something is the mess you make while it works itself out…
Bear with me on this post…I am feeling a bit salty as I start this.
Thursday marked the closing of a thread of toxic relationships in my life.
At first I was upset-this last friend was someone I had known for a long time, and I expected more from her because of that. I expected to be treated with the consideration that for the first time in our friendship I spoke up for myself. I was kind yet honest, and I was…you know…considerate. But no. Apparently I struck a major cord by communicating that I needed some space so she decided to put permanent space between us.
When I realized this was the manner of which I was getting the boot I had to chuckle. I guess in this sense, my expectations were met.
But as many of us learn the hard way…it is in general, really not healthy to hold expectations with others. Especially the ones you have seen repeat the same negative patterns in other relationships.
Why would I be any different?
And that is totally okay.
I don’t believe every single thing happens for a reason, but I do believe that the last few people who have exited my life in ways that do not honor all the years we’ve shared with each other is a sign I am experiencing the clearing of emotional clutter. Because clearing means creating space for greater things to come.
I would like to thank these last few people who I have parted ways with.
For your time in the past, however we left things it healthily clears my present, but I do honestly wish you well with your future, and release you with love.
I am going to keep it moving looking forward, and up.
I have been working on this particular blog post for about 3 weeks, and I move in 3 days. I have never relocated this far from my friends and family. I have never relocated indefinitely, and I have never relocated not know what would be in store for me with many *adultish* aspects of my life.
No job, no car, and no home of my own.
I guess that’s what makes this incredibly exciting, and scary at the same time…
3o Somethings of Saying Goodbye
1. You have mini “what if” panic attacks.
2. Time flies.
3. You start to think about the loved ones you are leaving behind, and how they can’t be replaced.
4. So you must share with your loved ones how you feel.
5. As it gets closer, each day leading up to your goodbye seems to matter just a little bit more.
6. There are some fantasies going on as the possibilities start to come up with the “hello” part after your goodbye…
7. You experience sporadic overloads of emotion.
8. You think about old friends that you have not talked to in a while,
9. and recall either why you haven’t, or look back fondly.
10. Time flies.
11. Everyone gives their opinion about the changes you are making.
12. You start to tune out opinions about the changes you are making.
13. Packing is very organized in your mind,
14. but executed in a very unorganized fashion.
15. Time. Flies…
16. To experience doubt-it’s normal for our brains to question things that take us outside our comfort zone.
17. To go through weird emotions. Just roll with them-they’ll pass if you let them through.
18. If you throw some things away that make you cringe because they have sentimental value. The sentiment will stay even if the material item does not.
19. To freak out a little.
20. If the next chapter of your life is not fully planned out.
21. That you don’t take much with you.
22. To close the door on relationships you’ve kept simply for keeping’s sake. This is your time to clear any emotional clutter as well.
23. If you need some space to adjust. Grounding yourself into a new environment is your job anyway.
24. To dream bigger than you ever have. Starting a new chapter brings the opportunity to check in with your goals.
From followers via Facebook
(Ladies you might just be my regulars on 30 Somethings!)
25. “How family & friends react.” ~Coy
26. “It’s the uncertainty of one’s decision. Did we make the right choice?“~Jodie
27. “I love the excitement of change…being pushed out of my comfort zone gives me a nervous excitement. I love new challenges and making new friends when I move to a new place! I hope to do it again soon!” ~Brigette
28. “The hardest part for me is finding “my people…”My favorite checker at the grocery store or the quirky lady that helps me at CVS, the guy at the bakery that knows my order when I walk int he door. Those are the ones I won’t keep in touch with through Facebook. They are who I truly miss…” ~Marni
29. “Bring the gifts they gave you [friends]…to share with those you meet ahead….there is so much wealth..we are giving to pass on, and so many people crave it…” ~Jayne
30. “In all those years here, you have meet so many people, some that had greatly enriched your life, while others just came and went. For those people who enriched your life, tell them how, what they taught you, maybe like laughing at yourself, or reaching farther than you wanted, what did they teach you, that you will bring to your new home and the people you met?
What was their gift, they passed on to you…..“
I’d like to dedicate this blog post to my very special friend Christina.
Christina is the type of friend that had I not known her I am one hundred percent certain I would not be the person I am today.
How many of us are so lucky?
Christina is marrying the one. I am thrilled for them both as these days it is not as common to witness a couple getting married for simply the following reason:
So with this awesomeness are some wishes that have been sitting with me,
that I would like to share with you.
I wish you both the kind of marriage that continues to refresh itself as you continue to work on it.
I hope that when you feel like “I love you” you always say it.
When you feel like “I need you” you always ask.
And when you feel like “I appreciate you” you show it.
I hope that you both continue to have separate Facebook accounts and never mesh one together. Please don’t be about that life.
I wish for you to have fat healthy babies. Or baby. Your choice!
I hope you don’t start always referring to each other as “my husband” and “my wife.” We know who you are and will still manage to remember you’re married even if you refer to each other with your birth-given names.
I sincerely wish for you to become that super old couple everyone admires and younger people ask “How do you sustain a happy healthy marriage?”
As I think about all the things I want to wish for your union it dawns on me.
The same wishes I have for you, I have for me. Even the silly ones.
And as I send much love with all these wishes to you I know in my heart if I stay true to my own self as you both have,
the day will come you will be wishing me the same.
I’m dead serious about the Facebook one. Please. I beg of you.
“I saw your eyes
And you touched my mind
Though it took a while
I was falling in love…“
How do you it?
I am not a mother, and after my earlier/mid 30s when my biological clock lost its tick (which excuuse me feels more like a BANGING) I now rest easy knowing it may or may not happen.
Because being a mom is tough, and I know that even at 35 years old I personally am not ready to take on all that entails.
So again I ask…
How the hell do you do it?
You know the top answer I receive when I ask this question?
“I don’t know…I just do.”
This is where the awesomeness comes in.
You might not recognize it all the time Mamas, but still you know you do it all,
and that’s exactly how you do it.
You are resourceful.
THE leader in many cases.
and boo-boo healer
protector, and a source of
You are loving,
What gives you strength?
My answers would be my faith in God, my family, and food.
This was made especially clear to me about five years ago when
I was diagnosed with cancer.
It was a frightening time,
but it was also encouraging.
It sucked being really sick but I knew there were people I could turn to. People who encouraged me, who listened to my complaining, and cheered me on to keep fighting.
Why would I be grateful for going through cancer? For one, I know God saw fit to grow me and sometimes, He uses difficult situations to help me become a better person.
Cancer in and of itself is no fun. However, what I learned along the way was invaluable. I learned that it’s okay to cry, to ask for help, and that everything was really going to be just fine. I struggled with my faith a lot during this time but in the end, it only grew stronger.
How does one grow strong without enduring through some of the most difficult trials of life?
Plus, I am grateful to be able to eat without experiencing severe abdominal pain. Can you imagine not being able to eat your favorite meal?
(I have made up for more than enough since then 😉 )
Here’s an idea: Invite people who give you strength to share a meal with you.
Encouragement goes both ways, right?
I don’t feel 35.
And I certainly don’t LOOK 35…
But here I am. Turning 35.
There have been moments I have been really down on myself-because most 35 year-old women have the following: their own place (or a roomie), an established career, a significant other, and if not with, in the works of babies.
Babies are freaking everywhere when you hit your mid-30s.
Overall I am pretty happy though. Because at this time last year I was a few things I am no longer: financially unstable, working at a place I was burnt out from, and generally kinda confused about everything in my life. In some important areas.
So when New Years hit this time around, I decided since I was already mostly there I would continue to make CLARITY my 2015 “theme.” Clear on all areas of my life.
and I’ve learned that with Clarity still comes some confusion!
But it’s more what I like to label as “forward confusion.”
For example, I attended a meetup I was uncertain about directly supporting my path, but since it was CLEAR in my gut that it would be good for me, I went. The clarity came after when a woman I met from the group gave me an unexpected reading so powerful it still sits with me right now, encourages me, and has further connected me with plans for my future.
So it’s all good.
At 35, in 2015 I am going to keep it moving in forward confusion.
Because so far on the other side-there has always been Clarity.
I am going to keep this short, because I have stuff to do today. I am not giving myself the normal 2-4 hour block of time to go between writing, changing my Spotify playlist, checking Facebook, checking emails, and my phone (which aside from Instagram has the EXACT SAME CONTENT).
I am going to write a book.
Not later, not next spring, and not down the line when I feel I have an “aha” moment on what to write about. This is seriously on my bucket list.
So I’m doing it. Now.
Think I’m bluffing? Well here’s the thing. I had this thought about a week ago.
I am really tired of waiting.
I am tired of waiting for a lot of good shit to happen to me…
So *I*-am going to start to happen to a lot of good shit.
I am going to place myself in good things.
Like the new job I landed. Just pitched myself to do some marketing for the executive director. Guess what? She’s stoked! Or the many yoga studios in my area. I got a Groupon and decided why not studio hop myself into a great one I can commit to? Or the beautiful (it will NOT be used as kindling after the wedding) bridesmaid dress I ordered one size smaller than I am now because guess what? That’s a GOOD size for me to happen into.
You feel me on this waiting thing?
Back to the book. It WILL be published by June, and it WILL be in the living rooms or bathrooms of 100 people in my local area. Apparently if my book makes it to the bathroom it is a true success; according to my publisher.
I’m gonna go now.
Have some good shit I am happening to today.
Maggie (and Venus) xo
I like Taylor Swift. She makes me happy and also sits with me on some sadness I have experienced in past relationships. She reminds of my niece and I have fun singing to her in the car. Okay I love her.
I like the movie Enchanted. The song at the end that Carrie Underwood sings about “ever ever afterrrr?” Love. Yea I love this movie.
I sometimes YouTube Jim and Pam’s wedding just for a smile.
I check in with an ex a few times a year just to remind myself that some connections can still warm my heart-even if it didn’t work out.
I get pedicures with another who is now a great friend and still makes me laugh harder than most people I know. (Yup, pedis)
I let go.
Looking forward, and
That as much as life has given me reasons to tuck it away (because let’s face it sometimes love just SUCKS right?) my heart will always remain on my sleeve, and that in keeping it there, it is a courageous way of loving myself, too.
Who you are matters.
What you do matters.
How you treat yourself matters.
How you treat others matters.
The decisions you make matter.
Like it or not, many of the decisions you make matter to others as well.
The choices you make are connected to something outside yourself. Even if it’s as small as grabbing a pair of socks at Target, taking a five-minute break at work, or sending your friend a quick text to confirm plans.
If you ever think what you do and how you treat yourself does not really matter, or
Makes a difference…
It can not only make you apathetic, it can make you
“I’m just one person. I don’t make a difference…”
That’s not your sigh…it’s mine.
Lack of trying or caring
Can, and will…still
Matter, and make a difference.
To someone, or something.