Adulting: Holding on to Your POP

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?

For me, it is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?

No way.

Here comes that shit again.

Amigos,

Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!

And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.

The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.

It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.

Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.

Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.

You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.

So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

Well,

IT TAKES WORK.

You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!

Here are a few ways to get started:worth

1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.

No matter where you are.

Maggie xo

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Anything, But

I mostly feed my soul with this blog, but for today, this post is not for me.

This is for the friend. The friend who wrote me that she is hurting because she feels like she does not know who she is anymore. She says the world took that away from her. She does not like herself when she looks in the mirror. She does not love herself.

“What do you think Maggie?” she asked me.

“What do you say about yourself?”

About myself?

Instantaneously I am compelled to answer that

I am grateful.

Bottom line.

Then I add….

I really like myself. Actually, I love myself. I am keenly aware of the things that make up who I am that I would not change, because then I would be changing the make up of who I am.

Sometimes though…this can be rather annoying…and I think it becomes this way when you REALLY start to like yourself. Love yourself. When you don’t really like or love you-these things can simply hurt. Sometimes…

It seems the world wants you to be anything but the realrawfreewildnonconforming Iamsohappyinmyownpersonalitybubblepleasedonotfreakinpopit-YOU.

So I try to be anything but.

What people that do not have their own best interests at heart, expect me to be.

tried
Maggie xo

Who do I Love More?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? Maybe you’ve had to make a decision that would be great for you but might upset or shift a situation that you are either way too comfortable with, or someone else is?

I used to do this too much. It was like I was always second priority when it came to making choices. Even when the only person that would be affected was me-yes, I would put my “eh” self before my best one. And we know what this generally ties into right?

Our self-worth.

So, I try to ask myself these days:

“Who do I love more?”

Then I compare. For example, something I check in with frequently is the people I choose to keep close and support in my life. Boundaries can be a frequent issue for the givers. So, if I am “helping” someone by constantly giving them advice an ear and my time…but it is sucking up my mental energy, I would (and have) asked: “Who do love I more-that person, and their perhaps unrealized need to feed off my energy or me, and my need to preserve it?”

Does that make sense? Think about how effective this question can be if we really sit with it. It can even be for little things. Like, “Who do I love more-Jack and the Box jalapeño poppers or my body which has to deal with uncomfortably digesting it?”

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Why is that question so hard

So next time you are faced with a decision that you KNOW in your gut could have an excellent healthy solid answer if it not for some external factor or possible outcome that is maybe not so hot, again including your own not so hot feelings to stay comfortable or agreeable…ask yourself this question.

Who do I love more?

Because even when we have the best intentions and considerations for the things outside ourselves, that answer should pretty much always somehow,

Be You.

Maggie xo

Sunday

2nd_pose1Yoga. Not the studio going lululemon-wearing perfect breathing with pretzel poses yoga…It was messy, I cried, and cursed at Yoga with Adriene.

But I felt so good afterward.

Sweaty Gratitude.

Backyard time. Sun. Cards. Wind. Heat. Something majorly poking my butt when I shifted my sitting position to meditate. Hair in my face and bugs.

Fulfilled.

Dinner with a friend. Bloody mary. Heavy food. Chats of romance and making friends. Beautiful baby painting with ranch dressing on the table. Disappearing waiter. We say thank you at the same time.

Heartfelt Fun.

Bookstore. Intriguing card deck discovered. Dusty smells. Long sunset drive home.

Love.

Home.

Night. Bed. The L Word binge. Comfort. Lots of texts.

This One,

“You don’t know how important you are to me.”

Grateful.

Maggie xo

Of Course I like you. You’re an Asshole

I pulled up the text messages with clearly mundane, disinterested replies. I gave a huge throaty sigh, And as if a mother or great friend were scolding I heard myself say:

“Maggie of course you like him, he’s an asshole.”

~

So I am doing the Internet/Smartphone uhh…”dating” thing. 

Actually don’t really like it, and don’t believe I’m going to meet “the one” this way, but figure I could use the practice, and some of the experiences I’ve had have been these wonderfully weird stories to share. Which IS one of the fun things about dating in my 30s compared to my 20s.

 In a good way, I care less.

20s: Does HE like ME?

30s: Do I like HIM?

20s: He hasn’t called even though I texted him hello, what did I do? Maybe I should text one more time. I’ll add a cute unnaturally-posed selfie so he’ll be reminded of how pretty I am.

30s: Wait, that guy I saw last week hasn’t called. Oh well.

Where’s the beer I ordered?20140908_205413
Ya’ll wanna go home soon
I can’t wait to take off my bra.

BUT

(There’s always a but)…

I have noticed one habit I still haven’t completely shaken off that really needs to get squashed once and for all. And I am glad this has come to my attention NOW…while I…practice…”dating”…

I still go for assholes.

Oh yea, I used to date assholes. Chase assholes. Fall in love with them.

Spent the last year or so addressing this pattern, but hadn’t really dated to put into practice what I’d learned. Then recently I started to notice who I was paying more attention to.

The guys that didn’t have any descriptions on their profiles. The guys that looked like my asshole exes. The guys that didn’t want to actually meet me they just wanted to text a lot. Red flags. Everywhere.

And then I thought about the few exes I couldn’t say were jerks. I met them through friends. They were weird like me. They were dorky in some way like me. They were kind.

Touche my friend.

Touche.

Time to completely swipe left.

Maggie xo

Guilty Gems

“You were not born to be like someone else. You were born to be like you.” ~Rebecca Campbell

So, I’m not really sure where I will go with this post. You might find yourself relating, amused, or some great surprise feeling you didn’t even expect to have from reading this. I don’t know, and with that I thank you for bearing with me!

single
       Soooo…??

A mom that I work for has a TON of trashy magazines in her house. It is a special treat for me when I go over there because I never buy them, but boy do I find them entertaining if they’re lying around.

If you are judging me for this guilty pleasure feel free to stay seated waaaay up there while you read.

We all have our hidden gems though, right?

Anyway, I turn the TV on, make a neat stack of the magazines in my lap, four at a time, and then put them in chronological order. Because I am not afraid to admit the little ceremonial oddities that comfort my wonderfully weird mind.

I fly through the articles that look boring or with the pictures of fashionable items I can neither afford or pull off. I also tend to pause mid-mag and think…

Who am I to judge who wore it best? If they like it does it matter? Who cares? Why am I reading this crap? :Sigh: but I’m kinda really enjoying this.       This is not the time to go deep Maggie. It’s just not. Every moment of my life does not need to be analyzed in this way. I shake my head, keep reading, muttering to myself about who I decided wore it best and how cool it is that Selena Gomez wears jeans just like me.20151003_005032

I think it’s totally okay to indulge in this manner. Just do it. Keep the sessions short and sweet. Savor the mindless activities that relieve you of any pressure to do or be anything than just there.

And don’t compare yourself to famous people. Or anyone for that matter. If you wonder why-go back to the beginning.

Maggie xo

The Green will Make you Grow

callablog

Ahhh good old-fashioned, passive-aggressive acting, in your face confronting, insecurity creating, paranoid thought manifesting, Debbie downing speaking

Jealousy.

Jealousy is pretty taboo among women because we are really not interested in sharing a side of ourselves that exposes such a personal vulnerability. And it is my honest genuine opinion that this is exactly what jealousy equals=vulnerable.

So I brought it up to a group of over 100 women from all walks of life,

 and asked this question…

Ladies, when you feel that twinge of jealousy with other women how do you react to it? What thoughts crossed your mind? 

Leonardo da vinci

I really don’t know. I have recently become the one to be looked at that way. (Just being honest, not vain or rude) I had people tell me they are and its not in a mean way, At least I don’t think it is lol, but its nice to just say it and then let it go. ~Charlene

~

Durga PujaIN TO THE

As much as jealousy can sometimes come out in ways we feel kind of “icky” about, it can teach us something if we dig past that first layer of heat. It’s totally okay to shrug it off if we understand our general triggers, but if it becomes something reoccurring, or that really puts a fire under our tush then it IS important to uncover the “WHY.”

~

It’s lessened over time since becoming involved with metaphysics and self awareness practice…when it snuck up on me the other day and I caught it, my thought was “she might not even like that feature of hers, in fact it may be smoke and mirrors, IN FACT she may want what I or someone else has instead of what she does!!” And then it went away and she was an equal again.” ~Ali

Felicia

Although it can be uncomfortable revealing my “WHY” there is some relief in it. After
figuring out why (or simply acknowledging why) I am clinging on to a jealous feeling, or moment there follows growth. Because I
have just tapped into something I can work with. Something more logical, and less reactive. In this way actually, now that I think about it…you can do this with any negative emotions really.

It’s okay to experience jealous feelings. It’s okay to look at the girl with the seemingly perfect body or perfect partner or the perfect career and feel a little green. We ALL have those moments. What is NOT okay is acting upon them, using them as an excuse to put ourselves down, or not dealing with the WHY when it is more intense.

Face your shit ladies, or let it go.

The green will make you grow.

Maggie xo

Thank You for Your Goodbye

Bear with me on this post…I am feeling a bit salty as I start this.

Thursday marked the closing of a thread of toxic relationships in my life.

At first I was upset-this last friend was someone I had known for a long time, and I expected more from her because of that. I expected to be treated with the consideration that for the first time in our friendship I spoke up for myself. I was kind yet honest, and I was…you know…considerate. But no. Apparently I struck a major cord by communicating that I needed some space so she decided to put permanent space between us.

The Facebook unfriending! When-someone-unfriends-me

When I realized this was the manner of which I was getting the boot I had to chuckle. I guess in this sense, my expectations were met.

But as many of us learn the hard way…it is in general, really not healthy to hold expectations with others. Especially the ones you have seen repeat the same negative patterns in other relationships.

Why would I be any different?

I’m not.

And that is totally okay.

I don’t believe every single thing happens for a reason, but I do believe that the last few people who have exited my life in ways that do not honor all the years we’ve shared with each other is a sign I am experiencing the clearing of emotional clutter. Because clearing means creating space for greater things to come.

I would like to thank these last few people who I have parted ways with.

For your time in the past, however we left things it healthily clears my present, but I do honestly wish you well with your future, and release you with love.

I am going to keep it moving looking forward, and up.

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Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Butterflies

I heart Love.

My ability to simply sit with the feeling without having any particular person or situation in mind is something I’ve only recently really sank into.

Yet I still love that teenage heart leap when someone you find extra interesting catches your attention. I wouldn’t really call  myself a hopeless romantic… but rather a hopeful sapiosexual.

Meaty conversation, certainty in the uncertain, and a genuine interest in the world around us is what gets my heart pumping.

However, now I mean this with any type of relationship.

Romance, friendships, and work life…whomever, and wherever.

What it really ended up coming down to is the understanding that my energy in this life is precious. I don’t write this with any sense of exclusivity, but more so with a deeper sense of how this operates in my daily life. We experience the mundane and “normal” enough in our day to day. I understand every moment of my existence will not be filled with the type of love-feeling I am describing here,

But…

I also understand that between the larger solid rocks, in that metaphorical jar of what goes in on my life, and with who…the tiny grains of sand fillers are what make it exactly that…fulfilling. So as I move forward making adjustments to my own energy, that includes adjusting interactions that align more with who I am.

(Refer back to the sapiosexual comment)

Because I heart to love,

I will never settle for less than the heart swells and butterflies.

and darling,

Neither should you.

my_tears_turn_into_butterflies_by_love_undefined-d4fkfcp

Maggie xo

Heart Swells and Nausea

Last night my friends threw me a going away party.

It is one of two before I move to Texas,

and as bummed as I am to leave some really amazing people I am also
experiencing a heart swell so big it almost hurts, and makes me want to cryvalentine_face_1

or throw up…

Kind of like being in love?

I am so grateful.

Moving is the trigger for this feeling because it is causing me to reflect on my relationships, and what I would hope for with creating new ones.

You see…

Most of us are lucky to find a handful of people in our lives that we really connect with. We are especially lucky  to find friendships that remain solid over many years.

Most of us are lucky if we end a romantic relationship amicably and find gratitude in the experience. We are especially lucky to keep the friendship solid after that same ending.

So most of us are, and feel lucky if we can have some forms of this remain a constant throughout our lives.

As for me,

I have it all-with more than a handful of people.

And for that,

I am incredibly grateful.

pooh

Heart is swelling again

Maggie xo