Adulting: Holding on to Your POP

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?

For me, it is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?

No way.

Here comes that shit again.

Amigos,

Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!

And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.

The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.

It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.

Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.

Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.

You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.

So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

Well,

IT TAKES WORK.

You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!

Here are a few ways to get started:worth

1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.

No matter where you are.

Maggie xo

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The Some of Everything

Hey Humans,

Most of the time I don’t know what the hell I am doing.  I plan on certain things happening-eating, sleeping(at some point), work, and bills. Most everything else, I navigate day to day, gut feeling by gut feeling.

I kinda just do as I go, and go as I do.

I love it.

I love it because I used to plan a lot in the past.

I had a plan for every possible negative outcome that could happen when it came to my health, relationships, and any natural talents I possessed.

You see, all the planning I was doing essentially stemmed from fear. Sketched out by my insecurities, outlined by my worries, and essayed by my anxiety.

I didn’t realize how much this way of thinking contributed to my habit of self-sabotage until I saw a therapist.

Which is a whole different blog post I might get to in the future.

Back to the planning thing. Planning is not all negative. Planning can be really great, and imperative for certain situations. The planning I was consistently doing was not healthy. Over the years I learned, and am learning, what kind of planner I am, what kind of planner I want to be, and what kind of planner I don’t want to be.

These are three things I believe we should not hold off on for the perfect plan.

The weather, people, and creative ideas.

Waiting for the perfect sunshine weather to take a walk along that beach you love? First of all, be grateful you live close enough to a beach to do that because I am very jealous right now, and second, put on a hoodie…go for that walk. Waiting for the perfect person to sweep you off your feet? Sweep yourself off your feet, and your vision of this desired person will become less narrow, thus opening your eyes to greater possibilities.

Have an idea that charges up your creative mojo, lights up your mind, and ignites your soul? Don’t wait to talk to someone you think has it all together to help you perfectly lay things out. Don’t wait until you’ve sorted through all your notes, sketches, or recordings. Pluck one thing from the beautiful mess of a potentially amazing idea, and do something with it.

Because if you wait until some perfect sign, person, or plan comes around you are not really doing much more than waiting, are you not?

You gotta do at least one thing with your something in order to figure out if this something, is even…something!

And who knows? This one thing from this something could be the key to discovering if it is even anything.

It could be something.

It could be nothing.

It could be everything.

calla

Maggie xo

 

Beauty and the Bleh

Getting out of bed at 1pm. Netflix marathons on the couch at my sister’s, ignored texts, and empty smiles. Late night potato chips and early morning roll overs thinking:

Bleh.

How am feeling like this when truly my life isn’t so bad? Or I guess I should say how am I NOT feeling much at all? New job. Bleh. New people in my life and places to explore. Bleh. A generous friend provides a space for me to live until I figure out my next move. Bleh. Thank you friend, but also, Bleh.

After about a month of the Bleh on my shoulders, and in my mind, I took a job dog sitting. This giant mastiff was unaware of his size and from the way he “talked” to me I’m not sure he even realized he was a dog. I would take him outside and watch him roam around the lush green property. The early morning check-in granted me the chance to see the sun come up. I felt a twinge of something familiar in my gut.

The feeling of content, and of being safe.

Then I started to feel excited about coming to this spot every day for the next week and convening with nature. The excitement turned into hope, and that hope turned into a smile. The Bleh was still there, but I could feel it struggling to stay on my shoulders with every effort I made to really sink into small but meaningful actions of self-care. Over the course of a few weeks the Bleh, still trying to cling but no longer able to hold on as tightly, started to slowly slide off of me, and float away.

I was able to connect with the beauty in my world again. Beauty in the new opportunities that had come up due to the lost ones, and beauty in the relationships that carried me through the Bleh. But also, the beauty of rolling out of bed, down the stairs, into my car, and on to simply being out. Thank god for the sunrise, sunsets, and giant dogs.

Maggie xo

Unclearly 36

They say there is always some truth behind “just kidding,”emotion behind “I don’t care,” and knowledge behind “I don’t know.”

 I made two huge decisions. I  made them based on how I was being treated in both my own home and at a new job. Simply put, I was being treated unfairly. It has taken me a long time to really, like, REALLY stand up for myself. I do it now in a way that when any fear or self-doubt comes to the surface it immediately becomes transmuted, because I have done the inner work to let that shit easily go.

What’s not easy at times however, is what happens after I stand up for myself…

Roommate trying to get me to pay a large bill I had nothing to do with? Never cleaning up the kitchen and always late on rent? Now the utilities are turned off?! I can’t live here, it is not healthy for me. Time to move out, even if I don’t have another home of my own to immediately move into.

New job starts off with the agreement of typical full-time hours, and time to ease into things as it will end up being a demanding position that pulls me in various directions throughout the day….I worked almost 40 hours in 4 days, now you are calling my personal cell all weekend, on my days off, when you just gave me a work phone? I’m exhausted. My chest hurts. I can’t work like this, it is not healthy for me. So let me share with you how I feel. I am overwhelmed. This is too much and I work hard. You don’t care? Go find another job? Deuces.

Remaining in both those situations with no hope for change did not align with the person I represent myself to be and I for damn sure was not “Mastering Self-Care” during this time. As my mom told me, I needed to drink from the same cup I pour out of for my coaching clients. For the women who might not have all the answers but can feel it when things are not right. Who don’t play it safe and stand up for themselves. For herself. For She. For we. Even if the risk might be high, she knows the greater risk of not creating healthy changes for herself will end up costing her more. So I left the two things that  essentially define us as we get older, and am left with just myself.

Eh, not too shabby; I kind of like myself…

I will share though, that right now I am feeling a bit lost. What do I do beyond the basic mundane of finding work and a roof? I am unclear as to what exactly “settling down” looks like for me. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

Just as I did when I was 35 I will keep it moving in forward confusion.

Because the last time I did this-the most amazing things happened, and not only did I create positive change in my own life, it ended up trickling into the lives of others.

Being unclear might be the best thing that is happening to me right now. I just need to keep trying. I am definitely a butterfly mind, and I know what comes next.

Something amazing.  Something better.

Maggie xo

Thirsty Thursday

I would like to share a video I made whilst on a quick Self-Retreat trip earlier this week.

Clearly my skills as a writer surpass my skills as both speaker and video editor however, my thoughts are

Why not? Life isn’t perfect why should my video presentation be?

Just do It.

I think my biggest take away from this trip was that it is important to love and accept myself fully. At my very core I am deserving of this, and AM this.

Love and Acceptance.

In the video I mention that I am “Thinking about the things I don’t like about myself.” Which is my way of going within, and pin pointing the things I am attached to that do not work for my highest good. If don’t like it I can change it, but I have to recognize it first.

I really do hope if anything…you the wonderful reader find yourself toying with the idea of creating your own self-retreat. You do not need a lot of money, or a super lengthy amount of time. You just need to decide that you want to do it.

Then do it.

Maggie xo

Interested in creating your own Self-Retreat but unsure of how to make it happen?

Contact me and I will work with you on planning something within your means, and around your every day life!

callavida@gmail.com

Every Day

I have a good laugh every day.

Every single day.

It’s not something I force myself to do-because honestly I’m naturally pretty damn funny. Just made myself laugh right now from a text I sent someone else. With the intention to make them laugh… but it just happened to be really freaking funny alright?

The following are just a few things that make me laugh:

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Crying children
Awkward Family Photos
Awkward Family Photos
When someone makes fun of me
When someone makes fun of me (I am terrible at math)

The thing is-when you laugh every day certain things start to happen. You find it easier to get through tough stuff. You notice there are more opportunities in your life to have a laugh. There is no longer an honest effort to have a laugh on a daily basis; you just do. You also start to really resonate with how funny YOU are in you’re own funky unique way-and you become so easily entertained by your own humor it creates a better sense of self.

You are okay being alone. Because you’re not lonely.

So laugh.

Every day.

Maggie xo