M.A.S.H.

I have a student at my work who is a little negative Nancy. She never seems entirely happy from moment to moment, nor easily satisfied. For example, one day we were coloring during free time, and she mentioned wanting to have her old teacher back. I asked what did she like about her that made her want be back in her class? She replied “Well she let me draw and color during free time.”

608-03471325
Gotcha…

A few days ago it ended up being just us two girls and a handful of boys in program. For first period they all wanted to play basketball. Normally I play with them (grandma shots and all), but of course, my negative Nancy was unhappy that we all wanted to do something physically active…during physical activity time. She slumped onto a bench nearby and crossed her arms. I decided to see if I could help shift her mood.

“Have you ever played M.A.S.H.?”

I took out some paper from my work binder and gave her first turn. She chose potential jobs, number of children, pets, and “types” of future husbands. When it was time to count off she declared that picking a type of husband was the hardest part.

I might have to agree with her on that one.

When we finished the first round she was appalled at the job she landed. “Whyyyy did I get THAT job?!” Imitating her signature whiny tone I answered.

“Becaaaause, you CHOSE that job!”

Then, it was my turn.

Now this is where it got kind of cool. My girl initially picked some pretty mediocre shit. She had never played the game, and was understandably unfamiliar with how to fully engage it. So as my turns went on, and I had named a horse as one of my pets, “a wild warrior” as a potential husband, and one of my jobs getting paid to travel it started to sink in for her.
There were no limits.

What were her dreams like at this age?

Amazing!

We played back and forth for the entire period. By the time we got to her last turn she was clapping in delight, as she landed an “artistic guy,” a pet dragon, zero kids, and a job as an artist. When I asked if she thought these things could come true she shrugged, but then mentioned with a slight smile, “But it’s what I WANT.”

 Later that night I thought about our time together and how my turns went. The initial ones were more in the area of magical outcomes, more silly to reflect the lightness of the game to my Nancy, but also with a hint of truth to which I would not share with even the closest of friends. Sometimes children keep the best secrets. One turn midway I realized was what I thought I wanted, and the very last turn ended up being most of things I currently, really wanted.

Well, maybe I can’t have a pet wolf.

But perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to pet one.

Maggie xo

Advertisements

Heated Kisses and Jalapeños

Holy Shit it’s been a Long Time.

My apologies.

I wanted to share a dream I had.

About this guy

r the devils double 210611
Just give ya a sec to soak it in

Yes friends, I had a dream relationship with Khal Drogo. He bought me a sweet red leather jacket, and ice cream. He picked me up from my dorm every day to see how I was doing.  At night we would sit barefoot on the grass under the stars, and talk for “hours.” He adored me. I woke up pretty amused! And of course, kind of bummed, but grateful for our day in the sun. Or should I say moon.

Another feeling I experienced when I woke up though, was a twinge of discomfort. I had forgotten what it felt like to hold someone’s affection this way, and to have someone be completely enamored with me. I can only describe it as discomfort because it has been quite a few years in my reality that I have experienced this type of attention from someone. It felt nice in the dream, albeit it only that. You all know how real they can feel.

It is in my nature to be affectionate, loving, and expressive to those who already do, or begin to take up space in my heart. I am aware this is not common of most to outwardly express it with such ease, even if they feel it. Rather than search for reciprocity I consider it my gift, and part of the way I help light up this crazy world. I am guessing the discomfort stemmed from the loss of recognizing how good it fucking feels to be shown love in this way. Excuse the french, but come on…doesn’t it feel fucking fantastic??

Anyway, I shared this dream on Facebook with some of my friends, and as usual, I have my one greatest cheerleader, who is always there to remind me, that I deserve what I dream. Another slight moment of familiar discomfort returns with her comment, but then I override it with what my true nature knows. YES. You are right my friend. You are right.

Although I might have to tweek the dream a tad, seeing that I am not in college anymore, and Jason Momoa might not have the time to see me every day. What with his travels and all…

~

The truth of the matter Is

I am not longing for a relationship. I am hungry for a connection. I am not waiting for “Mr. Right.” I am continuously working on myself to always feel right. But not for anyone else. Just me. I figure, if I am going to treat someone awesome, I need to feel awesome.

And as I’ve shifted my perceptions on what singleness means to me, I experience a different opportunity. Because I do not have the day to day romantic connection with anyone at this time, I open myself to what it feels like to heartily fall in love in other ways. When I first moved to Texas I met a girl in a meetup group who I instantly connected with. I 20160131_152928fell in love with her spirit and beauty within weeks of getting to know her! She lights up my life. I am in love with the first savory bite of a really spicy jalapeño popper. I am in love with my California friends more than ever because I am often reminded they are irreplaceable. I am in love with my bedroom window, and the way the sun hits it later in the afternoon.

I fall completely in love with my Nephew and Niece every single time they call me “Curly Titi.”

Would it be nice to meet a cute guy who could talk books and pull me in for heated kisses while we’re taking a walk? Hell to the Yes. I rest in the knowing this is my future somewhere. So there is no need to wait for something that has already arrived. It’s just not my time, or I guess, it’s just not ours.

So to my 30+ single friends…You’ve asked, and I am answering…

Don’t Wait. Just Be.

Maggie xo

P.s. Disclaimer…I do believe those in romantic partnerships still fall in love in other ways, but my perspective can only represent my current situation =)

30 Somethings: Saying Goodbye

I have been working on this particular blog post for about 3 weeks, and I move in 3 days. I have never relocated this far from my friends and family. I have never relocated indefinitely, and I have never relocated not know what would be in store for me with many *adultish* aspects of my life.

No job, no car, and no home of my own.

Yet.

I guess that’s what makes this incredibly exciting, and scary at the same time…

3o Somethings of Saying Goodbye

1. You have mini “what if” panic attacks.

2. Time flies.

3. You start to think about the loved ones you are leaving behind, and how they can’t be replaced.

4. So you must share with your loved ones how you feel.

5. As it gets closer, each day leading up to your goodbye seems to matter just a little bit more.

6. There are some fantasies going on as the possibilities start to come up with the “hello” part after your goodbye…

7. You experience sporadic overloads of emotion.

8. You think about old friends that you have not talked to in a while,

9. and recall either why you haven’t, or look back fondly.

10. Time flies.

11. Everyone gives their opinion about the changes you are making.

12. You start to tune out opinions about the changes you are making.

13. Packing is very organized in your mind,

14. but executed in a very unorganized fashion.

15. Time. Flies…

It’s okay…608-03471325

16. To experience doubt-it’s normal for our brains to question things that take us outside our comfort zone.

17. To go through weird emotions. Just roll with them-they’ll pass if you let them through.

18. If you throw some things away that make you cringe because they have sentimental value. The sentiment will stay even if the material item does not.

19. To freak out a little.

20. If the next chapter of your life is not fully planned out.

21. That you don’t take much with you.

22. To close the door on relationships you’ve kept simply for keeping’s sake. This is your time to clear any emotional clutter as well.

23. If you need some space to adjust. Grounding yourself into a new environment is your job anyway.

24. To dream bigger than you ever have. Starting a new chapter brings the opportunity to check in with your goals.

From followers via Facebook 

(Ladies you might just be my regulars on 30 Somethings!) 

25. “How family & friends react.” ~Coy

26. “It’s the uncertainty of one’s decision. Did we make the right choice?“~Jodie

27. “I love the excitement of change…being pushed out of my comfort zone gives me a nervous excitement. I love new challenges and making new friends when I move to a new place! I hope to do it again soon!” ~Brigette

28. “The hardest part for me is finding “my people…”My favorite checker at the grocery store or the quirky lady that helps me at CVS, the guy at the bakery that knows my order when I walk int he door. Those are the ones I won’t keep in touch with through Facebook. They are who I truly miss…” ~Marni

29. “Bring the gifts they gave you [friends]…to share with those you meet ahead….there is so much wealth..we are giving to pass on, and so many people crave it…” ~Jayne

Lastly,

30. “In all those years here, you have meet so many people, some that had greatly enriched your life, while others just came and went. For those people who enriched your life, tell them how, what they taught you, maybe like laughing at yourself, or reaching farther than you wanted, what did they teach you, that you will bring to your new home and the people you met?

What was their gift, they passed on to you…..

pooh

Maggie xo

Be the Change

I am going to keep this short, because I have stuff to do today. I am not giving myself the normal 2-4 hour block of time to go between writing, changing my Spotify playlist, checking Facebook, checking emails, and my phone (which aside from Instagram has the EXACT SAME CONTENT).

Guess what?

I am going to write a book.

Not later, not next spring, and not down the line when I feel I have an “aha” moment on what to write about. This is seriously on my bucket list.

So I’m doing it. Now.

Think I’m bluffing? Well here’s the thing. I had this thought about a week ago.

I am really tired of waiting. hurt-thomas-cooksey-00


I am tired of waiting for a lot of  good shit to happen to me…

So *I*-am going to start to happen to a lot of good shit.

I am going to place myself in good things.

Like the new job I  landed. Just pitched myself to do some marketing for the executive director. Guess what? She’s stoked! Or the many yoga studios in my area. I got a Groupon and decided why not studio hop myself into a great one I can commit to? Or the beautiful (it will NOT be used as kindling after the wedding) bridesmaid dress I ordered one size smaller than I am now because guess what? That’s a GOOD size for me to happen into.

You feel me on this waiting thing?

Back to the book. It WILL be published by June, and it WILL be in the living rooms or bathrooms of 100 people in my local area. Apparently if my book makes it to the bathroom it is a true success; according to my publisher.

I’m gonna go now.

Have some good shit I am happening to today.

Maggie (and Venus) xo

Pet me
She’s tired of waiting for good pets to happen to her…

Make a Wish…

Not too long ago I took a quick trip to a new beautiful state. On my last day, I decided with the limited time to drop off the rental car, take a nice long sunshine walk back to my hotel, and explore the area.

Later on in the sunshine, as my tiny feet grew tired and I got closer to the end of my little adventure, I noticed a bright green grassy knoll filled with dandelions. Alongside the short wall dividing the green grass and the bright clean sidewalk my boots paved, the perfectly cotton ball-shaped dandelions were lined up, swaying in the breeze.

It was a loud busy street, but I didn’t care. Just like I did as a little girl, wishing to “save the world,” I picked up a dandelion and made a wish. Then I picked up another one, then another, and made a few more.

As a walked away from that quiet moment I realized it left me feeling really good. I knew the wishes made could come true, and I was capable of making them happen. In that moment I also remembered, in order to do that, I had to let go of the SHOULD, and be with the IS. Meaning, if I could accept life in the present, things might go a lot more smoothly. Overall, I often struggle with fighting the now, try to leap over to points anticipated, and end up getting hurt from tripping over myself. Plus, I missed out.

Because the lessons in life are mostly in the in between.

“Put your wishes out there with positive intentions! Share them with someone or write them down.
How often do we make wishes with a defeatist attitude-keeping them as just far away dreams that will never come true? Do you really want to live your life never taking any chances to heighten your level of success?
And I am not just writing about career or money. Wishes can be about anything…healthier relationships, reconnecting with someone, taking that trip you’ve thought about but never planned for, or starting that meditation routine you know will help with anxiety.
Make a wish. Then evolve it into something outside your head and within your grasp. You can do it!”

~Callavida on Facebook

images

Maggie xo

Sign-up for weekly Stress Busters and Inspiration (no inbox flooding)

Know, Show, and Grow

“She turned her can’ts into cans and dreams into plans…”

It can feel pretty lonely at times going for a dream. Even if you’ve always had a pretty awesome support system, you’ll find as you keep moving forward positively, and begin practicing more focused habits to reach your goals a few things happen with the various people surrounding your life:

1) They ignore what you’re doing. They don’t ask you about it, they hurry the conversation if you bring it up, and if there are easy opportunities to support reaching your goals they ignore that too. If you ever make a big stride they might hop on the bandwagon to send you a congrats, but only because they’d look like a total asshole if they didn’t.

2) There are ones who seem to support you, but behind your back and in their mind really don’t believe you’ll make it.. And you know it. So they talk about that with other people when you’re not around, but smile at you when you share what part of the dream you are working on at the present time.

3) The ones that straight up tell you you are wasting your time, and you’re not going to make your dream come true. I kinda feel sorry for these people because it is all too clear they are projecting their fear of failure, or unwillingness to put in the work to make their own dreams come true. Stay far far away from people like this. You don’t need em.

Let’s pick it up now…

4) Then you have the randoms. I love the randoms. The random people who you might keep in touch with lightly-maybe via Facebook , or maybe they are a friend of a friend you run into once in a while. However you know them they suddenly become interested in your dream because they have an area of expertise or extra support they can provide to you. Out of sheer kindness and willingness to help, they reach out to you. Count your blessings with these people-they were specifically placed in your life to make a unique difference in it.

5) Real talk people are so fun. I am talking about real talk people who really want
real-talk to help you. If you are highly sensitive like me you have to work to not take things personally with real talk people because they really do have honest intentions to support you, and they provide little nuggets of wisdom you might have not thought about. They also might pin point something that can help you save time and energy. Real talk people cut to the chase and ask great questions.

6) Last one-the loved ones. The ones that cheer you on, believe in you, and when you go through a rut or start to doubt yourself they have a way of bringing you back to positive. Loved ones are your backbone in most cases because they often naturally bring up your gifts or motivations in such a factual way you can’t help but keep going. For yourself, and also because you know you got people out there who already believe you shine, but are waiting for you to shine brighter. They know your potential and are really rooting for your success. If you’re lucky-even one #6 brings value to your work, and to your life.

Loved ones are the cherry on top
Loved ones are the Cherry on Top

So my point in all of this is, make sure that anytime you start working towards a new goal, dream, or hey, even if you just want to work on an overall more positive attitude, check in with your circle. I know I have had to and continue to do that. I in no way am suggesting to sit down and judge all your relationships from a pedestal. Simply reflect on what happens with them when you make changes. It does not mean you have to cut off your #1s or #2s, or put down a #3 should they do that to you; you can just do little reorganizing with the dynamics.

You want to KNOW the 4, 5, and 6 people. You want to go to them for both encouragement, and advice. Even if they don’t have experience with what you are working on an outside perspective from the ones who truly have your back will bring value to what you’re trying to achieve.

Then, you want to SHOW the 1-3s….don’t invest your thought energy with them. Leave them to witness your success.

Lastly, check in with yourself when you work towards goals and dreams!

I realized I was taking certain relationships for granted, with some of my biggest cheerleaders actually, and overly focused on the ones that left me feeling unmotivated or disappointed. I recognize there is the part of me that gets all too comfy staying stagnant-so I find safety with those who stay stagnant as well. The disappointment came from my hunger for growth not being satiated.

Now, when I am a tad uncomfortable, or nervous to see someone who will ask me about what I am working on I see it as a wonderful thing. I look forward to it, because I know it means growth.

Growth is the name of the game, and you can only win if you play with people who want to win too.

Maggie xo

30/Somethings: Flip the Switch


It’s almost October right? This topic came up on a whim, but it is one I feel women in particular need to keep reminding themselves to work on.

That negative self-talk!

This ties in a bit with my gratitude post as it requires mental efforts and pattern interruptions. It is not just a one-time point in your life that all things fall into a positive place in your head…it is consistent, and constant work. Worth it? Yes. Better than taking the easy road of victimizing yourself, limiting yourself, and putting yourself down? Yes. Do better and more positive things happen to you when you flip the switch? Hell yes!

30 Somethings: Flip the Switch

1. Negative self-talk can be pretty powerful. Taper it down by using positive phrases or mantras to practice quieting it down. For example mine is “I am worth the work.” This is for those times my mind tells me I am a failure.

2.  Think it’s silly to use mantras? Well, “I am fat,” or “I can’t ___” ARE mantras. Flip those into words that will actually serve you in a positive way!

3.  Instead of “I wish” say “I can” or “I have.”

4. If someone you love isn’t showing you they feel the same don’t blame them. Don’t equate your self-worth to how they treat you. Flip the switch from “Why is so and so ___” to “What choices can I make within this relationship that will best serve my emotional health?”

5. Along with #4 take responsibility for habits and patterns that keep creating the same negative results. If 5 people you dated have all treated you the same crappy way honey, it’s not them-it’s you. Flip that switch again back onto yourself because it is always healthy to break patterns that are causing you pain, or confusion.

6. images

7. Stop thinking everyone is watching you, cares what you are doing or is judging you. They aren’t, the don’t care, and they are not judging you. The only time anyone does any of these things is usually because YOU bring it up! Stop it. Flip the switch and YOU watch YOU. YOU care about YOU, and YOU…gently reflect on your life choices.

8. If there is something you want instead of thinking why you don’t have it flip it to how can you get it!

9.  Flip “I wish _________” to “I will ________”

10. If you can’t or won’t change it, please stop complaining about it. For loved ones, and anyone else having to hear it. Please just flip that switch to OFF. Thanks.

11. no-negative-thoughts

12. If you think it, is it real? Yikes…think about all those crazy off the wall thoughts you have every day. Nope. You have every right to say to yourself “I will not invest in this thought,” or “It’s just a thought.” Let it go.

13. Under anger usually lies hurt. So, if something is pissing you off-go underneath it to move forward.

14. Compete with yourself. Flip to your own goals, efforts, wins, and strides.

15. bully

16. Instead of criticizing what you don’t like about your body how about you accept what is, and start changing what you can? Flip the switch on to what you appreciate and can change to make yourself into the healthier more outwardly confident you, you deserve and want to be.

17. “I am having a bad day.” Are you? Or did you have a couple of unexpected moments and now you are focused on every little thing that could possibly bug you today? Unexpected isn’t usually ideal, but it happens all the time.

18. With that said-does a bad day mean a bad life? “Today sucks.” Okay, if it does then fine-move forward into “How can tomorrow be different?”

19. Flip your “I can’t” to “How can I?”

20. “I failed.” Did you? Or did you try and it did not work out? “I tried, it did not work out, and that’s okay.”

21. Instead of criticizing someone to make yourself feel better how about flipping that switch and stopping yourself from putting out that negative juju, or finding something about them to compliment?

confidence
22. People don’t like it when you put yourself down. It makes us feel weird. Stop it.

23. “I don’t have the time.” I have a friend who raised her son solo, worked full-time, went to college full-time, and was still able to hang with me. Revisit that phrase and flip it to “What are my top priorities to make time for?” If you ask yourself this on a daily basis the answers will change, and that is where you will find the time.

24. “I can’t”-excuse my french, is often bullshit. It usually means “I won’t.” Think about all those times you shut down when bumps come along the way. You throw your hands up and declare “I can’t!” Can you really not, or do you not want to put in the effort so you can?

25.nst

From followers via Facebook and Twitter:

26. “I’m 70% muscle instead of 30% fat.” ~Quisha

27. “I catch myself in the moment of negative thought or vibe. Force a smile. And say “no! I have”… and confirm with something good about myself or the situation. I sometimes fail. But I TRY. Not trying is failing.” ~Ana

28. “Sometimes I have 2 tell myself to STOP IT! I use a firm voice lol&even say it outloud. I might look a little nuts but it works! lol.” ~Twitter

29. “My favorite quote is ‘To dream of the woman you wish you were is a waste of the woman you are.’ Thats how I flip it. When I start thinking of what I lack, or jealous of those around me, I try to think of those things I am great at.” ~Marni

Lastly,

30. Go back to #28-Just stop doing it. Just stop. Sometimes, on some occasions, it is that easy, and furthermore, that simple. Flip the switch.

Turn on the light.

Maggie xo

Maggie: Pity Party of One

“Maggie: Pity Party of One” was an emotional event I was trying get out of!

The party theme? “When is it MY turn?” Comparing myself to other people who lead lives where everything is happening in a seemingly “perfect” order. The big job, that trip to another country when you find yourself, the spouse, and the babies.  The invite kept popping up these past few weeks even though I had taken action with my RSVP of “HELL NO.” I was too busy doing positive things to make this event. Trying to connect with more like-minded people, making forward strides with the new coaching business, and even doing a 21-day meditation series with Oprah and Deepak Chopra.

Oprah AND Deepak? Shoulda been some kind of magic happening over here.

meditation

But even Oprah couldn’t save me from this feeling, and Deepak is always talking about growth. Even with my life at a current standstill, overall when I didn’t have a bug up to block my forward thinking it was and still is changing me everyday in really small but profound ways. I had to face it. So I changed my RSVP to “YES.”

When I showed up I allowed myself to become immersed in the party theme. I accepted the thoughts that were there, and in doing so left with a few valuable party favors:

1. Hey…hey there Mag. *You* make your goals and  dreams come true. You.

2. There is no perfect order, just the general expectations of society, and as a woman in my 30s those expectations are starting to trickle into my personal life. That is normal and only means something if I make it mean something.

3. It is essential to have like-minded people in my life. Yes, challenging and unlike minds teach us, but if you find yourself surrounded by mostly these types you run the risk of fizzling out your own positive life force. That’s a self-care job.

and lastly,

4. Choices. Because if I were to have the opportunity to get married right now I would not. I created a goal to become a life coach and less than a year later did.  My imperfect order is leading to some of the best choices I have made to date.

So what am I whining for?

I like my perfect, perfectly imperfect. Uncertain, a little daring, and full of possibilities. I know I’ll still get those feelings sometimes but don’t we all. It’s okay, just keep moving.

Magdelena xo