Adulting: Holding on to Your POP

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?

For me, it is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?

No way.

Here comes that shit again.

Amigos,

Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!

And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.

The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.

It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.

Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.

Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.

You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.

So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

Well,

IT TAKES WORK.

You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!

Here are a few ways to get started:worth

1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.

No matter where you are.

Maggie xo

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Who do I Love More?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? Maybe you’ve had to make a decision that would be great for you but might upset or shift a situation that you are either way too comfortable with, or someone else is?

I used to do this too much. It was like I was always second priority when it came to making choices. Even when the only person that would be affected was me-yes, I would put my “eh” self before my best one. And we know what this generally ties into right?

Our self-worth.

So, I try to ask myself these days:

“Who do I love more?”

Then I compare. For example, something I check in with frequently is the people I choose to keep close and support in my life. Boundaries can be a frequent issue for the givers. So, if I am “helping” someone by constantly giving them advice an ear and my time…but it is sucking up my mental energy, I would (and have) asked: “Who do love I more-that person, and their perhaps unrealized need to feed off my energy or me, and my need to preserve it?”

Does that make sense? Think about how effective this question can be if we really sit with it. It can even be for little things. Like, “Who do I love more-Jack and the Box jalapeño poppers or my body which has to deal with uncomfortably digesting it?”

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Why is that question so hard

So next time you are faced with a decision that you KNOW in your gut could have an excellent healthy solid answer if it not for some external factor or possible outcome that is maybe not so hot, again including your own not so hot feelings to stay comfortable or agreeable…ask yourself this question.

Who do I love more?

Because even when we have the best intentions and considerations for the things outside ourselves, that answer should pretty much always somehow,

Be You.

Maggie xo

Squirrel

Here’s to my people who enjoy doing nothing when you’re supposed to be doing something, or in this instance, end up doing some things that detour you from the everything else you were supposed to do…

I made plans to write my blog post this afternoon. The morning was super productive, sweet sleep in, awesome meditation session, and start of laundry. Before I started to write I decided to watch one quick show while I had some lunch. I sit on my bed, put my food aside and start the show search. This was one of those times where my food and TV time simply had to be paired. You know when your plate is ready, but you wait until that first intro note from a show to start eating…do you know? Is it just me?

single
It can’t be just Me

I don’t have cable so it’s all about streaming.The show would not load from one site. The same show did not have any link sources on the next one. So I tried another, and another. And, another. There were other options, but that Taurus stubborn part of me decided THIS was the show that had to be watched with my lunch. I finally gave up and decided to watch Netflix. After all, I’d already wasted a few minutes and needed to get cracking on this blog post.

Then I looked at the clock.

I had spent almost 10 minutes looking at different stream sources, and waiting for them to load. I was so eerily focused I didn’t even realize how much time had passed.

Can you guess how much attention my writing received after that show? Maybe 10 minutes. Maybe. I had suddenly decided there were all these other things I needed to do before I went into writing mode. I changed the cover photo for my birthday brunch, watched a documentary, plucked my eyebrows…you know, all the important stuff.

Now here I am…almost 10 hours later writing about this to you. So yes, it IS getting done. Writing on my blog is honestly not the most important thing in the world to me, but it is important to me.

I find it funny, and interesting how often we invest in focusing on the doing these little unimportant things when we are in the midst of wanting to do what’s important. How often we direct our energy in thought and action on things that really don’t take us to the next level, or move us forward. They just sort of keep us occupied until we’re ready to do what matters.

And yet, all those little things we do to avoid what is needed to be done can be so fun right? I loved the documentary. It was fun to lay in bed creating a cool chicken and waffles-themed cover photo for the party. My eyebrows desperately needed some TLC and I saved a little money. If I hadn’t gone squirrel on myself today I would not have written such a truly inspired post…right?

Right…

Maggie xo

 

Sunday

2nd_pose1Yoga. Not the studio going lululemon-wearing perfect breathing with pretzel poses yoga…It was messy, I cried, and cursed at Yoga with Adriene.

But I felt so good afterward.

Sweaty Gratitude.

Backyard time. Sun. Cards. Wind. Heat. Something majorly poking my butt when I shifted my sitting position to meditate. Hair in my face and bugs.

Fulfilled.

Dinner with a friend. Bloody mary. Heavy food. Chats of romance and making friends. Beautiful baby painting with ranch dressing on the table. Disappearing waiter. We say thank you at the same time.

Heartfelt Fun.

Bookstore. Intriguing card deck discovered. Dusty smells. Long sunset drive home.

Love.

Home.

Night. Bed. The L Word binge. Comfort. Lots of texts.

This One,

“You don’t know how important you are to me.”

Grateful.

Maggie xo

Of Course I like you. You’re an Asshole

I pulled up the text messages with clearly mundane, disinterested replies. I gave a huge throaty sigh, And as if a mother or great friend were scolding I heard myself say:

“Maggie of course you like him, he’s an asshole.”

~

So I am doing the Internet/Smartphone uhh…”dating” thing. 

Actually don’t really like it, and don’t believe I’m going to meet “the one” this way, but figure I could use the practice, and some of the experiences I’ve had have been these wonderfully weird stories to share. Which IS one of the fun things about dating in my 30s compared to my 20s.

 In a good way, I care less.

20s: Does HE like ME?

30s: Do I like HIM?

20s: He hasn’t called even though I texted him hello, what did I do? Maybe I should text one more time. I’ll add a cute unnaturally-posed selfie so he’ll be reminded of how pretty I am.

30s: Wait, that guy I saw last week hasn’t called. Oh well.

Where’s the beer I ordered?20140908_205413
Ya’ll wanna go home soon
I can’t wait to take off my bra.

BUT

(There’s always a but)…

I have noticed one habit I still haven’t completely shaken off that really needs to get squashed once and for all. And I am glad this has come to my attention NOW…while I…practice…”dating”…

I still go for assholes.

Oh yea, I used to date assholes. Chase assholes. Fall in love with them.

Spent the last year or so addressing this pattern, but hadn’t really dated to put into practice what I’d learned. Then recently I started to notice who I was paying more attention to.

The guys that didn’t have any descriptions on their profiles. The guys that looked like my asshole exes. The guys that didn’t want to actually meet me they just wanted to text a lot. Red flags. Everywhere.

And then I thought about the few exes I couldn’t say were jerks. I met them through friends. They were weird like me. They were dorky in some way like me. They were kind.

Touche my friend.

Touche.

Time to completely swipe left.

Maggie xo

Every Day

I have a good laugh every day.

Every single day.

It’s not something I force myself to do-because honestly I’m naturally pretty damn funny. Just made myself laugh right now from a text I sent someone else. With the intention to make them laugh… but it just happened to be really freaking funny alright?

The following are just a few things that make me laugh:

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Crying children
Awkward Family Photos
Awkward Family Photos
When someone makes fun of me
When someone makes fun of me (I am terrible at math)

The thing is-when you laugh every day certain things start to happen. You find it easier to get through tough stuff. You notice there are more opportunities in your life to have a laugh. There is no longer an honest effort to have a laugh on a daily basis; you just do. You also start to really resonate with how funny YOU are in you’re own funky unique way-and you become so easily entertained by your own humor it creates a better sense of self.

You are okay being alone. Because you’re not lonely.

So laugh.

Every day.

Maggie xo

Be the Change

I am going to keep this short, because I have stuff to do today. I am not giving myself the normal 2-4 hour block of time to go between writing, changing my Spotify playlist, checking Facebook, checking emails, and my phone (which aside from Instagram has the EXACT SAME CONTENT).

Guess what?

I am going to write a book.

Not later, not next spring, and not down the line when I feel I have an “aha” moment on what to write about. This is seriously on my bucket list.

So I’m doing it. Now.

Think I’m bluffing? Well here’s the thing. I had this thought about a week ago.

I am really tired of waiting. hurt-thomas-cooksey-00


I am tired of waiting for a lot of  good shit to happen to me…

So *I*-am going to start to happen to a lot of good shit.

I am going to place myself in good things.

Like the new job I  landed. Just pitched myself to do some marketing for the executive director. Guess what? She’s stoked! Or the many yoga studios in my area. I got a Groupon and decided why not studio hop myself into a great one I can commit to? Or the beautiful (it will NOT be used as kindling after the wedding) bridesmaid dress I ordered one size smaller than I am now because guess what? That’s a GOOD size for me to happen into.

You feel me on this waiting thing?

Back to the book. It WILL be published by June, and it WILL be in the living rooms or bathrooms of 100 people in my local area. Apparently if my book makes it to the bathroom it is a true success; according to my publisher.

I’m gonna go now.

Have some good shit I am happening to today.

Maggie (and Venus) xo

Pet me
She’s tired of waiting for good pets to happen to her…

Heart on My Sleeve…where it will Stay

I like Taylor Swift. She makes me happy and also sits with me on some sadness I have experienced in past relationships. She reminds of my niece and I have fun singing to her in the car. Okay I love her.

I like the movie Enchanted. The song at the end that Carrie Underwood sings about “ever ever afterrrr?” Love. Yea I love this movie.

I sometimes YouTube Jim and Pam’s wedding just for a smile.

I check in with an ex a few times a year just to remind myself that some connections can still warm my heart-even if it didn’t work out.

I get pedicures with another who is now a great friend and still makes me laugh harder than most people I know. (Yup, pedis)

I forgive.

I let go.

Keep smiling.

Hoping;

Believing.

Looking forward, and

Loving.

Knowing

That as much as life has given me reasons to tuck it away (because let’s face it sometimes love just SUCKS right?) my heart will always remain on my sleeve, and that in keeping it there, it is a courageous way of loving myself, too.

Maggie xo

BeYouty

.What makes you beautiful?

The BE YOU part!

So be you!

The real you.

The you that is still. The you that does not feel forced, doubtful, or anxious.

The BE-YOU-tiful part of you is easy, light, certain, and free.

Some parts of you you want to work on?

Go ahead.

Because part of being YOU should be growing YOU.

The older I get the more I settle into myself, and put in the effort to develop the me I want to be. The me I know will connect with the world in a more honest way if I connect with myself in a healthier way.

It also takes much less effort to be yourself in the long run. Now when people ask me how I am I tell them. I used to cringe inside while saying “fi-yeene” in a high-pitched voice, and sometimes I still do, but mostly, if you ask how I am…you’ll get that earful the real me wants to share with you.

So go ahead and be you.

Because this is where the true Be-You-ty lies!

i-am-fabulous-funny-quotes

 http://www.callavida.org/

Maggie xo

Choices

Who you are matters.

What you do matters.

How you treat yourself matters.

How you treat others matters.

The decisions you make matter.

Like it or not, many of the decisions you make matter to others as well.

The choices you make are connected to something outside yourself. Even if it’s as small as grabbing a pair of socks at Target, taking a five-minute break at work, or sending your friend a quick text to confirm plans.

Friends,

If you ever think what you do and how you treat yourself does not really matter, or

Makes a difference…

It can not only make you apathetic, it can make youhurt-thomas-cooksey-00

Idle.

“I’m just one person. I don’t make a difference…”

:Sigh:

That’s not your sigh…it’s mine.

Guess what?

Lack of trying or caring

Can, and will…still

Matter, and make a difference.

To someone, or something.

makes-difference

Maggie xo