The Green will Make you Grow

callablog

Ahhh good old-fashioned, passive-aggressive acting, in your face confronting, insecurity creating, paranoid thought manifesting, Debbie downing speaking

Jealousy.

Jealousy is pretty taboo among women because we are really not interested in sharing a side of ourselves that exposes such a personal vulnerability. And it is my honest genuine opinion that this is exactly what jealousy equals=vulnerable.

So I brought it up to a group of over 100 women from all walks of life,

 and asked this question…

Ladies, when you feel that twinge of jealousy with other women how do you react to it? What thoughts crossed your mind? 

Leonardo da vinci

I really don’t know. I have recently become the one to be looked at that way. (Just being honest, not vain or rude) I had people tell me they are and its not in a mean way, At least I don’t think it is lol, but its nice to just say it and then let it go. ~Charlene

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Durga PujaIN TO THE

As much as jealousy can sometimes come out in ways we feel kind of “icky” about, it can teach us something if we dig past that first layer of heat. It’s totally okay to shrug it off if we understand our general triggers, but if it becomes something reoccurring, or that really puts a fire under our tush then it IS important to uncover the “WHY.”

~

It’s lessened over time since becoming involved with metaphysics and self awareness practice…when it snuck up on me the other day and I caught it, my thought was “she might not even like that feature of hers, in fact it may be smoke and mirrors, IN FACT she may want what I or someone else has instead of what she does!!” And then it went away and she was an equal again.” ~Ali

Felicia

Although it can be uncomfortable revealing my “WHY” there is some relief in it. After
figuring out why (or simply acknowledging why) I am clinging on to a jealous feeling, or moment there follows growth. Because I
have just tapped into something I can work with. Something more logical, and less reactive. In this way actually, now that I think about it…you can do this with any negative emotions really.

It’s okay to experience jealous feelings. It’s okay to look at the girl with the seemingly perfect body or perfect partner or the perfect career and feel a little green. We ALL have those moments. What is NOT okay is acting upon them, using them as an excuse to put ourselves down, or not dealing with the WHY when it is more intense.

Face your shit ladies, or let it go.

The green will make you grow.

Maggie xo

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Heart Swells and Nausea

Last night my friends threw me a going away party.

It is one of two before I move to Texas,

and as bummed as I am to leave some really amazing people I am also
experiencing a heart swell so big it almost hurts, and makes me want to cryvalentine_face_1

or throw up…

Kind of like being in love?

I am so grateful.

Moving is the trigger for this feeling because it is causing me to reflect on my relationships, and what I would hope for with creating new ones.

You see…

Most of us are lucky to find a handful of people in our lives that we really connect with. We are especially lucky  to find friendships that remain solid over many years.

Most of us are lucky if we end a romantic relationship amicably and find gratitude in the experience. We are especially lucky to keep the friendship solid after that same ending.

So most of us are, and feel lucky if we can have some forms of this remain a constant throughout our lives.

As for me,

I have it all-with more than a handful of people.

And for that,

I am incredibly grateful.

pooh

Heart is swelling again

Maggie xo

30/Somethings

Welcome to the first of my themed-list I call “30/Somethings.” It will be a monthly list dishing out 25 confessions, ideas, or tips that will end with 5 to match from followers of Callavida.

This month’s theme is things I have done to keep a man around, or gain his attention. The list varies from innocent gestures to ones that reflect the self-worth issues I struggled with over the years. Which makes this post all that more of a gem. You will read this and the majority of you will relate to at least one number on the list. You will look back and maybe cringe. Perhaps you’ll chuckle, or even smile. I did all three!

So sit back, please enjoy, reflect, be amused, and be kind.

30 Things of Love and Crushes

1. Waiting for a date to arrive at a restaurant I “posed.” Posed as in “If I look outside like I am deep in thought and not anticipating his arrival he will find me more desirable.”

2. Offered to go to second base because I didn’t want the popular boy to dump me. I had no intention to, and he eventually did.

3. Stayed quiet when I disagreed with a boyfriend because I thought if I spoke up he would either chew me out or like me less. Silence for this reason has backfired on me in more than one relationship.

4. Drank so much to impress the guy I was visiting in college I ended up in the hospital, and in jail. True story.

5. Placed myself strategically in the line of sight of a crush so he could see my best “assets.” Pun intended. I have a big butt. He never noticed, but other guys did!

6. Told my crush a girl I knew had a crush on him so I could talk to him at school every day and perhaps he would end up liking me . There was no girl, and it worked.

7. Let an ex borrow my car even when I knew he was probably going to another girl’s house. He said he’d be back in an hour and arrived after six. Classic.

8. Spent hours cooking in the kitchen not for myself but so my man would think I was “wife” material, and love me more. It didn’t work.

9. Left a party in a dramatic huff because a girl was flirting with my man and I thought if I left he would chase me. He did not.

10. Chose not to call “bs” on my man when he did not come home one night because I thought he would think I was super easy-going and with that new found appreciation stay home more. I don’t think I have to explain how this turned out..!

11. Told a guy “no” once when he said he thought we should break up. He was a little surprised by that so it took him a few more weeks to officially break up with me.

12. Lied about my relationship status to another guy I really wanted to reconnect with because I thought it would make him jealous. He was just happy for me because his new relationship was going very well too…

13.  Pretended to believe an ex when I found a condom in his trash and he said that he did have girl over but they did not have sex just to avoid arguing with him. Yes, you are reading that correctly.

14. Changed my hair color for a guy who mentioned liking a particular shade.

15. Let a guy bring all his friends over so I could cook for them even though I did not have a lot of money and he did not offer to get the groceries. I thought if his friends liked my cooking they would talk me up to him. They just got really drunk, and one guy threw up on my kitchen floor.

16. Pretended to like a guy’s freestyle rap even though it was terrible and made me feel uncomfortable having him look me dead in the eye as he spit his rhymes. He was really, really attractive.

17. Went to a guy’s house at any hour he called me to come over because I thought working with his schedule would make me look carefree and flexible.

18. Had an ex call me from my own house super pissed because I was not home, so I rushed back because I didn’t want him to be angry with me.

19. Lied to a girl that called me saying she was the girlfriend of the guy I was seeing because I wanted to keep him around. Pretty embarrassed over that one.

20. Dated a guy whose house I never went to, nor he to mine. So we pretty much dated out of his car. Found out he had a fiance, and a kid.

21. Slept on the couch for about 3 months when I would stay with my ex. Because even though I knew our relationship was over, he was not saying anything, and I thought having a boyfriend would be better than being single.

22. First year in college I delivered a cocktail from my own stash almost every weekend to my crush’s dorm room. He would kiss my cheek, thank me, and then keep talking to whomever was in there with him. I felt that sufficed at the time.

23. Went to church with my first love’s friends because I thought if he heard about it he would like me even more. I am not Catholic, or even religious. He never said a thing.

24. Stopped wearing a t-shirt I loved because my man said he did not like that color on me.

25. Wore the favorite t-shirt of that same man the day I knew he was coming over to dump me. When I answered the door he said “Why did you have to wear that t-shirt,” and proceeded with the dumping.

From followers via Facebook and Twitter:

26. “Pretend to be interested in something the guy is interested in, ie. a certain kind of music, sport, once I feigned interest in anime….Yea that lasted like a week, then I couldn’t fake it anymore lol. I’m just not into comics…. Or dressing like them.”

27. “So I just read ur post about things u did to keep a man around….visit him in 3 different prisons over 2 years and married him in on his release date???? In my defense I did it thinking if he saw what a good loving devoted woman I was maybe and hopefully it would want to make him a better man and good to me forever…ha that backfired.”

28. “Spent LOTS of money in order to keep them. Co-signed for a car. Paid all the bills.”

29. “Inviting my son’s father to join us when I picked him up because if we were all together he would know it was right and we belonged together. Uhhh nevermind I picked my son up at the house where he lived with his lady! I was more stuck on the idea of family than what was best for everyone.”

30. “I can’t believe I did this smh I took prenatal vitamins because this guy I liked in high school dated girls with long hair. I like my short hair anyway why did I do that. He didn’t even know my name! Smh.”

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to contribute an idea for this monthly post via email: callavida@gmail.com

Magdelena xo