Like it or not, many of the decisions you make matter to others as well.
The choices you make are connected to something outside yourself. Even if it’s as small as grabbing a pair of socks at Target, taking a five-minute break at work, or sending your friend a quick text to confirm plans.
If you ever think what you do and how you treat yourself does not really matter, or
Makes a difference…
It can not only make you apathetic, it can make you
I recently decided to welcome 2015 with open arms and kick it off by developing a healthier relationship with food. I already had the workouts down, but with a diet that often consisted of emotionally ruled choices I decided it was time to focus on what I was eating more than what I was doing.
The following is a true story, and clearly my catalyst for change…
I LOVE jalapeno poppers. Not just any, although I will eat most kinds, but my true addiction is the Jack in the Box ones. The gooey cheese, the seed-filled spiciness, and the fatty ranch to dip them is is the ultimate party for my mouth! There is a drive-through right by my house that I used to go by…a lot more than I would like to share…until one recent night on my reluctant last run for 2014.
I had decided to start off 2015 I would not go anywhere that had a drive-through. Alrighty, no jalapeno poppers from Jack for quite a while. This past week I was coming home from a friend’s house and realized this was the night. I had to drive-through one last time before I took a major break from crappy food.
I drove up and ordered the poppers. As I pulled up to pay the guy he smiled, and shyly made a suggestion on another sauce I could try with the poppers. Instantly I smiled and with foodie enthusiasm and replied “YES! I’ll try that!” Boy did he look happy.
“Well, I see you here so much I thought you might like to try something different with your jalapenos, and maybe if you like it we can try some more new food over dinner sometime?”
Most men who hit on me think I am in my mid-twenties (not bragging here although it IS pretty damn cool). I knew this guy was young so my turn down was an easy “I’m too old for you and no, age is more than just a number give me my poppers so I can go home [and eat these shamefully in bed].”
Not too long ago I took a quick trip to a new beautiful state. On my last day, I decided with the limited time to drop off the rental car, take a nice long sunshine walk back to my hotel, and explore the area.
Later on in the sunshine, as my tiny feet grew tired and I got closer to the end of my little adventure, I noticed a bright green grassy knoll filled with dandelions. Alongside the short wall dividing the green grass and the bright clean sidewalk my boots paved, the perfectly cotton ball-shaped dandelions were lined up, swaying in the breeze.
It was a loud busy street, but I didn’t care. Just like I did as a little girl, wishing to “save the world,” I picked up a dandelion and made a wish. Then I picked up another one, then another, and made a few more.
As a walked away from that quiet moment I realized it left me feeling really good. I knew the wishes made could come true, and I was capable of making them happen. In that moment I also remembered, in order to do that, I had to let go of the SHOULD, and be with the IS. Meaning, if I could accept life in the present, things might go a lot more smoothly. Overall, I often struggle with fighting the now, try to leap over to points anticipated, and end up getting hurt from tripping over myself. Plus, I missed out.
Because the lessons in life are mostly in the in between.
“Put your wishes out there with positive intentions! Share them with someone or write them down. How often do we make wishes with a defeatist attitude-keeping them as just far away dreams that will never come true? Do you really want to live your life never taking any chances to heighten your level of success? And I am not just writing about career or money. Wishes can be about anything…healthier relationships, reconnecting with someone, taking that trip you’ve thought about but never planned for, or starting that meditation routine you know will help with anxiety. Make a wish. Then evolve it into something outside your head and within your grasp. You can do it!”
“She turned her can’ts into cans and dreams into plans…”
It can feel pretty lonely at times going for a dream. Even if you’ve always had a pretty awesome support system, you’ll find as you keep moving forward positively, and begin practicing more focused habits to reach your goals a few things happen with the various people surrounding your life:
1) They ignore what you’re doing. They don’t ask you about it, they hurry the conversation if you bring it up, and if there are easy opportunities to support reaching your goals they ignore that too. If you ever make a big stride they might hop on the bandwagon to send you a congrats, but only because they’d look like a total asshole if they didn’t.
2) There are ones who seem to support you, but behind your back and in their mind really don’t believe you’ll make it.. And you know it. So they talk about that with other people when you’re not around, but smile at you when you share what part of the dream you are working on at the present time.
3) The ones that straight up tell you you are wasting your time, and you’re not going to make your dream come true. I kinda feel sorry for these people because it is all too clear they are projecting their fear of failure, or unwillingness to put in the work to make their own dreams come true. Stay far far away from people like this. You don’t need em.
Let’s pick it up now…
4) Then you have the randoms. I love the randoms. The random people who you might keep in touch with lightly-maybe via Facebook , or maybe they are a friend of a friend you run into once in a while. However you know them they suddenly become interested in your dream because they have an area of expertise or extra support they can provide to you. Out of sheer kindness and willingness to help, they reach out to you. Count your blessings with these people-they were specifically placed in your life to make a unique difference in it.
5) Real talk people are so fun. I am talking about real talk people who really want
to help you. If you are highly sensitive like me you have to work to not take things personally with real talk people because they really do have honest intentions to support you, and they provide little nuggets of wisdom you might have not thought about. They also might pin point something that can help you save time and energy. Real talk people cut to the chase and ask great questions.
6) Last one-the loved ones. The ones that cheer you on, believe in you, and when you go through a rut or start to doubt yourself they have a way of bringing you back to positive. Loved ones are your backbone in most cases because they often naturally bring up your gifts or motivations in such a factual way you can’t help but keep going. For yourself, and also because you know you got people out there who already believe you shine, but are waiting for you to shine brighter. They know your potential and are really rooting for your success. If you’re lucky-even one #6 brings value to your work, and to your life.
So my point in all of this is, make sure that anytime you start working towards a new goal, dream, or hey, even if you just want to work on an overall more positive attitude, check in with your circle. I know I have had to and continue to do that. I in no way am suggesting to sit down and judge all your relationships from a pedestal. Simply reflect on what happens with them when you make changes. It does not mean you have to cut off your #1s or #2s, or put down a #3 should they do that to you; you can just do little reorganizing with the dynamics.
You want to KNOW the 4, 5, and 6 people. You want to go to them for both encouragement, and advice. Even if they don’t have experience with what you are working on an outside perspective from the ones who truly have your back will bring value to what you’re trying to achieve.
Then, you want to SHOW the 1-3s….don’t invest your thought energy with them. Leave them to witness your success.
Lastly, check in with yourself when you work towards goals and dreams!
I realized I was taking certain relationships for granted, with some of my biggest cheerleaders actually, and overly focused on the ones that left me feeling unmotivated or disappointed. I recognize there is the part of me that gets all too comfy staying stagnant-so I find safety with those who stay stagnant as well. The disappointment came from my hunger for growth not being satiated.
Now, when I am a tad uncomfortable, or nervous to see someone who will ask me about what I am working on I see it as a wonderful thing. I look forward to it, because I know it means growth.
Growth is the name of the game, and you can only win if you play with people who want to win too.
“She said she would always have my back why did she end up stabbing it?”
Ever asked yourself any of these questions? Some of them? All of them? I think at some point we all have been in a place of confusion and/or hurt due to this thing called love.
With certain people in our lives the love comes with expectations, and guarantees. Isn’t it funny how we tend to cut our friends and family a little more slack with the expectations and guarantees?
The guarantee they will never leave. The guarantee they will never truly hurt our feelings. The expectation they will always remain faithful. The guarantee that no matter what they will stick around to work things out. The expectation that they will never tragically let us down.
Most of the time, love has nothing to do with these unfortunate experiences.
It really can not be, about you.
The thing is,
It is not usually the love that betrays you-it is the person or belief in a guarantee made by them, or one you made up in your mind.
The only thing that love guarantees is…an experience.
With that said my point is, love. Always love. Live love, be love, and be brave in love. Because those times you feel like love let you down are the very times I write of. Remember, it is not usually the love that lets you down, and you miss out on so much when you hold on to things that have nothing to do with the purest form of the way you love others.
So what’s love got to do with it?
Sometimes everything, and other times…nothing at all.
It’s almost October right? This topic came up on a whim, but it is one I feel women in particular need to keep reminding themselves to work on.
That negative self-talk!
This ties in a bit with my gratitude post as it requires mental efforts and pattern interruptions. It is not just a one-time point in your life that all things fall into a positive place in your head…it is consistent, and constant work. Worth it? Yes. Better than taking the easy road of victimizing yourself, limiting yourself, and putting yourself down? Yes. Do better and more positive things happen to you when you flip the switch? Hell yes!
30 Somethings: Flip the Switch
1. Negative self-talk can be pretty powerful. Taper it down by using positive phrases or mantras to practice quieting it down. For example mine is “I am worth the work.” This is for those times my mind tells me I am a failure.
2. Think it’s silly to use mantras? Well, “I am fat,” or “I can’t ___” ARE mantras. Flip those into words that will actually serve you in a positive way!
3. Instead of “I wish” say “I can” or “I have.”
4. If someone you love isn’t showing you they feel the same don’t blame them. Don’t equate your self-worth to how they treat you. Flip the switch from “Why is so and so ___” to “What choices can I make within this relationship that will best serve my emotional health?”
5. Along with #4 take responsibility for habits and patterns that keep creating the same negative results. If 5 people you dated have all treated you the same crappy way honey, it’s not them-it’s you. Flip that switch again back onto yourself because it is always healthy to break patterns that are causing you pain, or confusion.
7. Stop thinking everyone is watching you, cares what you are doing or is judging you. They aren’t, the don’t care, and they are not judging you. The only time anyone does any of these things is usually because YOU bring it up! Stop it. Flip the switch and YOU watch YOU. YOU care about YOU, and YOU…gently reflect on your life choices.
8. If there is something you want instead of thinking why you don’t have it flip it to how can you get it!
9. Flip “I wish _________” to “I will ________”
10. If you can’t or won’t change it, please stop complaining about it. For loved ones, and anyone else having to hear it. Please just flip that switch to OFF. Thanks.
12. If you think it, is it real? Yikes…think about all those crazy off the wall thoughts you have every day. Nope. You have every right to say to yourself “I will not invest in this thought,” or “It’s just a thought.” Let it go.
13. Under anger usually lies hurt. So, if something is pissing you off-go underneath it to move forward.
14. Compete with yourself. Flip to your own goals, efforts, wins, and strides.
16. Instead of criticizing what you don’t like about your body how about you accept what is, and start changing what you can? Flip the switch on to what you appreciate and can change to make yourself into the healthier more outwardly confident you, you deserve and want to be.
17. “I am having a bad day.” Are you? Or did you have a couple of unexpected moments and now you are focused on every little thing that could possibly bug you today? Unexpected isn’t usually ideal, but it happens all the time.
18. With that said-does a bad day mean a bad life? “Today sucks.” Okay, if it does then fine-move forward into “How can tomorrow be different?”
19. Flip your “I can’t” to “How can I?”
20. “I failed.” Did you? Or did you try and it did not work out? “I tried, it did not work out, and that’s okay.”
21. Instead of criticizing someone to make yourself feel better how about flipping that switch and stopping yourself from putting out that negative juju, or finding something about them to compliment?
23. “I don’t have the time.” I have a friend who raised her son solo, worked full-time, went to college full-time, and was still able to hang with me. Revisit that phrase and flip it to “What are my top priorities to make time for?” If you ask yourself this on a daily basis the answers will change, and that is where you will find the time.
24. “I can’t”-excuse my french, is often bullshit. It usually means “I won’t.” Think about all those times you shut down when bumps come along the way. You throw your hands up and declare “I can’t!” Can you really not, or do you not want to put in the effort so you can?
From followers via Facebook and Twitter:
26. “I’m 70% muscle instead of 30% fat.” ~Quisha
27. “I catch myself in the moment of negative thought or vibe. Force a smile. And say “no! I have”… and confirm with something good about myself or the situation. I sometimes fail. But I TRY. Not trying is failing.” ~Ana
28. “Sometimes I have 2 tell myself to STOP IT! I use a firm voice lol&even say it outloud. I might look a little nuts but it works! lol.” ~Twitter
29. “My favorite quote is ‘To dream of the woman you wish you were is a waste of the woman you are.’ Thats how I flip it. When I start thinking of what I lack, or jealous of those around me, I try to think of those things I am great at.” ~Marni
30. Go back to #28-Just stop doing it. Just stop. Sometimes, on some occasions, it is that easy, and furthermore, that simple. Flip the switch.
(My apologies for the 2am publish-still getting the hang of scheduling!)
My life sucks-a red light. Really? This red light is the last straw to my bad mood and all the other crappy things going on my life. Burnt out from my job, heart is broken, I live with my parents, and have gained about ten lovely stress pounds.
This red light just validates that my whole life is in shambles, and I have nothing good going on-even in the streets.
A little dramatic, don’t you think?
Ever notice how much negative crap comes your way when all your focus is on the extra little crappy things…and that’s on top of the crap that already exists? It’s like we manifest it, almost wish it, magnifying every little hiccup on the road just to make things worse. Well I gotta tell ya, that kind of mindset landed me in the ER thinking I was having heart attack at a perfectly healthy age of 33.
Stop trying to pinpoint and wallow in the extra bumps along the way when there is already enough crap going on your life.
This is my gratitude, or happy journal. I got it at Target for $2.75. I started it on 7/30 thinking I would *try* to write down at least five things on most days. Fast forward to now and I have written in it every single day since then. I am fortunate to have plenty of time to do this, but what I also observed was that after a week or so it became something I could document a lot more quickly than when I first started it.
This tells me that the more you look for things to be grateful for the easier it will be to spot them. Some days it is something so small! Like oh yea I had jalapenos with dinner tonight, they were awesome, and I like my new nail polish. Other days it is deeper like the friendship of an awesome gal in my life, or recognizing how healthy I am both internally and externally.
It doesn’t have to look like a Pinterest project, a clothed mason jar with pretty ribbon tied around it, be a bullet point list of ten things written in a journal, or a tagged post on Facebook for everyone to see. (But if any of that works for you then you should definitely do it). It does not even have to be documented! Just take note every day, and pay attention to the not so negative, non-crap going on in your life. Imagine what that might do to your mindset.
Have a gratitude something, designed by you, for you, and open yourself up to the possibilities of noticing more POSITIVE into your life!
P.s. It just came to my attention that it is World Gratitude Day-how fitting; I will be writing the word synchronicity in my journal today 🙂
Want to keep it simple today and share something I came across last night that really struck me. It struck me because this is such a simple thought, yet how often do we look to the breaker, hurter, or betrayer when the arrow shoots us?
Always remember it is in your hands to heal from any hurt that comes your way. In fact, you should be your top priority during this time, not the causer.
So if you have the opportunity to look at the big beautiful moon tonight, or even if not why not take a moment out to create the intention to have calmer skies ahead the next time you experience an arrow?
If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…
Welcome back everyone! As you can see I am in the process of making some big changes on Callavida, and in my own life.
With that said I thought I’d share what it has been like being unemployed for the first time in almost 20 years. I have held down some kind of job since I was 15 years-old and particularly the one I just left I had for ten years. To honor my younger hopeful self I cut the list down to 15 somethings.
Thanks for stopping by!
15 Somethings of Being Unemployed
1. People need answers even if you don’t have them. “Well what EXACTLY are you going to do?” Not sure but I know I am going to look for work. “WHERE??” Out if the Bay Area. “WHY??” and the questions continue…
2. It felt weird at first. Still connected to the old job, but cognitive of the fact I was not returning.
3. My last day was on a Friday. So waking up with nothing to do that first Monday felt…well it felt like this:
4. There are no more weekends. Every day is Friday and you start to forget when exactly the real Friday is…
5. I feel guilty going out-even though I have money saved to get by for a bit every time I go out I realize that money is not being replenished.
6. Because of number #1 I sometimes lie about my plans so the incessant questions will cease. It works.
7. After about a week of no work I started to feel super weird. That weirdness turned into panic. Aaaand this is the week I applied for 100 jobs most of which I wouldn’t have applied for had I been in a more sound state of mind. But you settle in a state of panic.
8. There are bursts of excitement-emotional outbursts of joy thinking about the possibilities. The world is my oyster!
9. There are also bursts of …
10. You make big plans to exercise daily and read that book that’s been a part of your bed set for the last 3 months. You are going to hit the beach. Visit a friend who lives far away (but not so far you have to buy a plane ticket).
11. In reality those big plans happen tomorrow. Because until I land a job there’s always tomorrow!
12. I am sad at times and have to just let it sit with me. This one is kind of a head scratcher but I am a big believer in allowing things to sit without question when you don’t have the answer immediately.
13. I eat weird things at weird hours. For example nutella and a Hawaiian king roll at 10:30pm. For dinner.
14. I actually can be very busy most days because I am ambitious and make lists. Furthermore, these days filling out a job application online is pretty much the first interview, and takes…a very, very long time…
15. No matter what somethings come in and out of my daily unemployed life I am generally certain I will be just fine.
P.s. Just realized you can do the math on my age…knock yourself out! =)
Back with another great list to share! This month is for May/June and are some things in life that make us smile. If you like visual reminders make a list of your own things that make you smile. Can’t think of too many? Borrow from this list!
30 Things that Make Us Smile =)
1. When you hear a song you love in the car. And it just started.
2. Pictures of cute animals. Especially when there is more than one species mixed in.
3. When someone you adore says “I love you.”
4. When you’re in the fitting room and something you try on fits…the first time.
5. Waking up and remembering you don’t have anything pressing that day. Go ahead and stay in your pj’s for a while.
6. When you realize you finally let go of something or someone that was not good for you.
7. Giving someone a gift they were not expecting.
8. Receiving a gift you were not expecting.
9. When someone tells you you look nice and prior to that, you didn’t feel like you did.
10. “Nailed it”-you knitted a scarf and it looks like one. You baked a cake and it didn’t fall apart. You went in for an interview and rocked it.
11. When someone says out loud what you are thinking. Mind melting!
12. Sweet messy kisses and hugs from children.
13. Cheese and Chocolate. Pick one, or have both!
14. When someone says thank you in a genuine way, and you can truly feel their gratitude.
From followers via Facebook and Twitter:
15. “Seeing my friends or family smile (smiles are contagious!).”
16. “Macaroni and cheese burritos.”
17. “Beach and corona light!!”
18. “Getting your butt smacked lol”
19. “Seeing my kids copy exactly what I do.”
20. “The smell on the earth after it rains.”
21. “That first sip of coffee in the morning.”
22. “With my honey drinking a rita on the rocks watching old Eddie Murphy stand up.”
23. “PAY DAY.”
24. “Before anyone else is up, I go outside with my dog and listen to the quiet of the city and the birds chirping.”
25. “Hanging with my family.”
26. “Seeing my son smile/laugh. I can’t not smile back!”
27. “When I get to the cash register and something I am buying is on sale!”
28. “This morning, I was overhearing a conversation between two 3 yr-old girls. Girl 1: “Wanna play with me?!” Girl:”Of course!” Imagine that convo with as much enthusiasm as possible!”
Reply to #29
30. “I change ALL my answers to food. I love food!”