A 1st World Problem

For many of you reading, if not all, we do not know what it truly feels like to be starved. So before you read the following short story please understand, that I understand how this experience pales in comparison to real world issues of hunger.

With that disclaimer, please enjoy and possibly relate to my experience…

Human Moments: Sticky Fingers

9:00am. No breakfast. No time to fully prep but I did make a small sandwich to take to work. 11:00am. Small lunch. Felt more like a snack. Maybe I can run out and grab something else. Nope. No time. I had to go to the store after work. No dinner. Not yet.

6:30pm. First thing I pass is the deli. Okay, let me get 5 pieces of the general chicken and I can eat it while shopping. Then I felt embarrassed. So I quickly walked around the store gathering what I needed while catching a whiff of the spicy sweet chicken teasing me with its smell in the cart. Get out of my way kid. Why is she blocking the exact area I need to get to?! Crap I forgot the apple juice and it’s on the other side of the store. SIGH. I’ll get it right before I check out. Who is calling me?? It’s getting busy. I need to get out of here. Then, excluding my oh so special self with this next thought…

Why does everyone have to shop after work?

7:30pm. As I stick my card in the chip reader (and wait. and wait) I feel someone close by. Okay man behind me in line. Why are you standing so close? SIGH. Just think about the yummy new chocolate cashew milk you bought, Maggie. In about 30 minutes you’ll be seated with a tall glass of it, and dinner.

I hurry my cart towards the store exit, and just as I was about the leave the same man whom I deemed as annoying for standing so close to me tapped my shoulder, and handed me a bag I had left.

It was the chocolate cashew milk.

Wow! I thanked him for essentially chasing me down, and felt a slight surge of excitement knowing my chocolate milk was not forgotten. I threw the groceries in the trunk except for the chicken. The chicken got the passenger’s seat.

Damnit, I still forgot the apple juice.

I rip open the container at a red light and shove a piece of chicken in my mouth. The song on my playlist switches over to a little jazz number, and I feel a wave of calm take over. I thought “This is a nice song, why don’t I listen to it more often?” I suddenly felt more relaxed, and enjoyed being a passive listener versus the usual which entails my belting out any of my songs with reckless abandon.

Having chowed down on my 5 pieces of foul by the time I pulled up to my house, I grabbed the rest of the groceries, sticky fingers and all. Greeted excitedly by my nephew, niece, and a hyper little terrier I felt a familiar shift in my mood….was it them? I feel…less annoyed.

The hanger is real.

Maggie xo

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Of Course I like you. You’re an Asshole

I pulled up the text messages with clearly mundane, disinterested replies. I gave a huge throaty sigh, And as if a mother or great friend were scolding I heard myself say:

“Maggie of course you like him, he’s an asshole.”

~

So I am doing the Internet/Smartphone uhh…”dating” thing. 

Actually don’t really like it, and don’t believe I’m going to meet “the one” this way, but figure I could use the practice, and some of the experiences I’ve had have been these wonderfully weird stories to share. Which IS one of the fun things about dating in my 30s compared to my 20s.

 In a good way, I care less.

20s: Does HE like ME?

30s: Do I like HIM?

20s: He hasn’t called even though I texted him hello, what did I do? Maybe I should text one more time. I’ll add a cute unnaturally-posed selfie so he’ll be reminded of how pretty I am.

30s: Wait, that guy I saw last week hasn’t called. Oh well.

Where’s the beer I ordered?20140908_205413
Ya’ll wanna go home soon
I can’t wait to take off my bra.

BUT

(There’s always a but)…

I have noticed one habit I still haven’t completely shaken off that really needs to get squashed once and for all. And I am glad this has come to my attention NOW…while I…practice…”dating”…

I still go for assholes.

Oh yea, I used to date assholes. Chase assholes. Fall in love with them.

Spent the last year or so addressing this pattern, but hadn’t really dated to put into practice what I’d learned. Then recently I started to notice who I was paying more attention to.

The guys that didn’t have any descriptions on their profiles. The guys that looked like my asshole exes. The guys that didn’t want to actually meet me they just wanted to text a lot. Red flags. Everywhere.

And then I thought about the few exes I couldn’t say were jerks. I met them through friends. They were weird like me. They were dorky in some way like me. They were kind.

Touche my friend.

Touche.

Time to completely swipe left.

Maggie xo

Take 5

blog

This is one of those posts that  gives you AWESOME advice.

I know because I have taken this advice and put it into action most days (not too hard to do so I can’t complain). However, the advice and ideas shared are really geared towards the mothers, the career women, and the women who wear many (many) hats. If you’re a busy woman, Take 5, and keep reading…

Taking 5 or more minutes a day to be with yourself is an essential tool to maintaining a healthy state of mind. Not just when you are stressed, annoyed with the family, or busy at work. It is important to Take 5 when the day runs smoothly, when you’re busy but handling things okay, and when you DO have some down time. Sometimes when we have  a moment to spare we fill it up with something else to do. Which is fine sometimes, but other  times…you need to Take that 5.

To dig a bit deeper-sometimes it’s good to put down the phone and take a break doing something else. Whaaaa?? I know-it’s hard because we play candy crush for 10 minutes or check Instagram as a way to check out. Again, not too shabby of a break, but expanding our ideas beyond the normal things we grab to zone out is healthy for us. So below are a few ideas from yours truly; followed by responses from a few more women walking in your shoes.

Take 5

~Look up an article on something you are interested in or about something you have wanted to try i.e. a new yoga class.

~Stretch. Sit down and set the timer for 5 minutes of stretching. Guess what? If you do this often you’ll become more flexible AND learn how to be more present!

~Make a healthy snack plate. Often we just mindlessly grab from the pantry or fridge without taking a minute to put something together that would be truly satiating. I enjoy a good snack plate with crackers, cheese, and fruit.

From women via Facebook and Twitter

“I use essential oils! There are quite a few proven to help mood, so sometimes if I find myself getting overly frustrated or depressed or anxious, I march into my bathroom and get a drop of one of the oils…It takes less than a minute but helps immensely!” ~Cassandra

“Watch a YouTube video of one of my fav songs.” ~Chari

“Eat something I don’t treat myself too much. I just sit and savor the sweet!” ~Mal

“I do a Zumba dance from youtube.com.” ~Marissa

“I check Facebook. Mindlessly look at other people’s lives then face my own again.” ~Krista

“Or take a shot. Just……kidding?”Pouring Tequila Shot preview image

                                                    CHEERS!

 

“Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself.”~Audrey Giorgi

Maggie xo

Know, Show, and Grow

“She turned her can’ts into cans and dreams into plans…”

It can feel pretty lonely at times going for a dream. Even if you’ve always had a pretty awesome support system, you’ll find as you keep moving forward positively, and begin practicing more focused habits to reach your goals a few things happen with the various people surrounding your life:

1) They ignore what you’re doing. They don’t ask you about it, they hurry the conversation if you bring it up, and if there are easy opportunities to support reaching your goals they ignore that too. If you ever make a big stride they might hop on the bandwagon to send you a congrats, but only because they’d look like a total asshole if they didn’t.

2) There are ones who seem to support you, but behind your back and in their mind really don’t believe you’ll make it.. And you know it. So they talk about that with other people when you’re not around, but smile at you when you share what part of the dream you are working on at the present time.

3) The ones that straight up tell you you are wasting your time, and you’re not going to make your dream come true. I kinda feel sorry for these people because it is all too clear they are projecting their fear of failure, or unwillingness to put in the work to make their own dreams come true. Stay far far away from people like this. You don’t need em.

Let’s pick it up now…

4) Then you have the randoms. I love the randoms. The random people who you might keep in touch with lightly-maybe via Facebook , or maybe they are a friend of a friend you run into once in a while. However you know them they suddenly become interested in your dream because they have an area of expertise or extra support they can provide to you. Out of sheer kindness and willingness to help, they reach out to you. Count your blessings with these people-they were specifically placed in your life to make a unique difference in it.

5) Real talk people are so fun. I am talking about real talk people who really want
real-talk to help you. If you are highly sensitive like me you have to work to not take things personally with real talk people because they really do have honest intentions to support you, and they provide little nuggets of wisdom you might have not thought about. They also might pin point something that can help you save time and energy. Real talk people cut to the chase and ask great questions.

6) Last one-the loved ones. The ones that cheer you on, believe in you, and when you go through a rut or start to doubt yourself they have a way of bringing you back to positive. Loved ones are your backbone in most cases because they often naturally bring up your gifts or motivations in such a factual way you can’t help but keep going. For yourself, and also because you know you got people out there who already believe you shine, but are waiting for you to shine brighter. They know your potential and are really rooting for your success. If you’re lucky-even one #6 brings value to your work, and to your life.

Loved ones are the cherry on top
Loved ones are the Cherry on Top

So my point in all of this is, make sure that anytime you start working towards a new goal, dream, or hey, even if you just want to work on an overall more positive attitude, check in with your circle. I know I have had to and continue to do that. I in no way am suggesting to sit down and judge all your relationships from a pedestal. Simply reflect on what happens with them when you make changes. It does not mean you have to cut off your #1s or #2s, or put down a #3 should they do that to you; you can just do little reorganizing with the dynamics.

You want to KNOW the 4, 5, and 6 people. You want to go to them for both encouragement, and advice. Even if they don’t have experience with what you are working on an outside perspective from the ones who truly have your back will bring value to what you’re trying to achieve.

Then, you want to SHOW the 1-3s….don’t invest your thought energy with them. Leave them to witness your success.

Lastly, check in with yourself when you work towards goals and dreams!

I realized I was taking certain relationships for granted, with some of my biggest cheerleaders actually, and overly focused on the ones that left me feeling unmotivated or disappointed. I recognize there is the part of me that gets all too comfy staying stagnant-so I find safety with those who stay stagnant as well. The disappointment came from my hunger for growth not being satiated.

Now, when I am a tad uncomfortable, or nervous to see someone who will ask me about what I am working on I see it as a wonderful thing. I look forward to it, because I know it means growth.

Growth is the name of the game, and you can only win if you play with people who want to win too.

Maggie xo

Everything Else…

Good Sunday to you all and happy super moon!

Want to keep it simple today and share something I came across last night that really struck me. It struck me because this is such a simple thought, yet how often do we look to the breaker, hurter, or betrayer when the arrow shoots us?

Always remember it is in your hands to heal from any hurt that comes your way. In fact, you should be your top priority during this time, not the causer.

So if you have the opportunity to look at the big beautiful moon tonight, or even if not why not take a moment out to create the intention to have calmer skies ahead the next time you experience an arrow?

If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart,
it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person.
It would be much better to turn your attention
to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…


calla

Magdelena xo

The Whole Half-Ass Thing

“A Jack of all Trades. Master of none”

“Renaissance Woman”

“Half good at a Whole lot”

I was in a coaching session with a client* the other day going through an exercise that had her addressing two sides of herself. She was asked to give each side a name. After some thought she answered with “The Ultimate” for her driven side, and dubbed her  unfocused fear of being successful side as “Half-Assing.”

(“French” words are not only accepted in sessions but embraced with a smile!)

I have the fortune of also being friends with this client and later that week over 608-03471325dinner we started to talk about that term “Half-Assing.” Does it mean you’re lazy? Does it mean you normally only give around 50% with each
experience you take on? Are you someone that is just so busy with this and that that you never have the time to actually finish…this and that?

Sometimes it can mean those things.

However, upon further discussion we came up with some insights, and this is what we found to be some of the common traits

Of the Whole Half-Assing side…

~It comes up with great ideas. All the time. You might not execute them or the excitement can fizzle so you move on or pass the idea on, but you generally more often than not have something brewing.

~It gives 100% to something until you get bored or something else distracts you.

~It could be on to something good and get scared. Scared you might screw it up, the “what ifs” start to creep in, or like my client, you might become scared of what happens if you were to actually succeed with this something good.

~You start to create excuses (or in my case “reasons”) as to why you can abandon ship with the things that are good for you because of the responsibilities and/or changes that are involved after you cross that finish line.

~It gives 100% with the true intention to see things through, but it is with something that is not good for you. It might be trying to please someone else (as I did with my ever so short stint selling Mary Kay products), or might be trying to manifest a characteristic about yourself you simply do not possess.

Any of these snippets look familiar? They sure do to me!

However…

True to Callavida form there are some positives to consider.

Sometimes it’s not the worst thing in the world to be Half-Assing. It can bring your other side that gets things done new ideas, creativity, and flexibility. It might take risks you never would should you not have that initial burst of energy or excitement towards a new venture. Furthermore, having lots of ideas, dreams, goals, motivations, and interests is one of the wonderful things about being human. We are in constant movement, forward hopefully, and most of us really want WAY more than we ever share with each other.

The whole thing about being constantly Half-Assing is that it can become detrimental when you find yourself getting uncomfortable, and pulling the plug when you start to see that finish line in the distance.

My friends, they don’t call ’em growing pains for nothing!

So if you are a “Jack of Trades,” or self-proclaimed “Renaissance Woman” don’t fight your natural curiosities with all this world has to offer. Just keep in mind that if you start to get distracted, fearful, or uncomfortable it could be because you are doing something good for you! Keep going and whole ass it!

ronswanson

Magdelena xo

*Client gave the okay to share this! Ironically we managed to finish this conversation with certain closure and out of it came this whole blog post.  =)

30÷2/Somethings

Welcome back everyone! As you can see I am in the process of making some big changes on Callavida, and in my own life.

With that said I thought I’d share what it has been like being unemployed for the first time in almost 20 years. I have held down some kind of job since I was 15 years-old and particularly the one I just left I had for ten years. To honor my younger hopeful self I cut the list down to 15 somethings.

Thanks for stopping by!

15 Somethings of Being Unemployed

1. People need answers even if you don’t have them. “Well what EXACTLY are you going to do?” Not sure but I know I am going to look for work. “WHERE??” Out if the Bay Area. “WHY??” and the questions continue…

2. It felt weird at first. Still connected to the old job, but cognitive of the fact I was not returning.

3. My last day was on a Friday. So waking up with nothing to do that first Monday felt…well it felt like this:

kids-boy-004
Weeee!

4. There are no more weekends. Every day is Friday and you start to forget when exactly the real Friday is…

5. I feel guilty going out-even though I have money saved to get by for a bit every time I go out I realize that money is not being replenished.

6. Because of number #1 I sometimes lie about my plans so the incessant questions will cease. It works.

7. After about a week of no work I started to feel super weird. That weirdness turned into panic. Aaaand this is the week I applied for 100 jobs most of which I wouldn’t have applied for had I been in a more sound state of mind. But you settle in a state of panic.

8. There are bursts of excitement-emotional outbursts of joy thinking about the possibilities. The world is my oyster!

9. There are also bursts of The thought of a new person was scary

10. You make big plans to exercise daily and read that book that’s been a part of your bed set for the last 3 months. You are going to hit the beach. Visit a friend who lives far away (but not so far you have to buy a plane ticket).

11. In reality those big plans happen tomorrow. Because until I land a job there’s always tomorrow!

12. I am sad at times and have to just let it sit with me. This one is kind of a head scratcher but I am a big believer in allowing things to sit without question when you don’t have the answer immediately.

13. I eat weird things at weird hours. For example nutella and a Hawaiian king roll at 10:30pm. For dinner.

14. I actually can be very busy most days because I am ambitious and make lists. Furthermore, these days filling out a job application online is pretty much the first interview, and takes…a very, very long time…

Lastly,

15. No matter what somethings come in and out of my daily unemployed life I am generally certain I will be just fine.

moving-forwardMagdelena xo

P.s. Just realized you can do the math on my age…knock yourself out! =)

The Take Away

I am a pretty positive person.

worth

I meditate. I forgive. I move forward. I try to grow from the unfortunate events that pop up in my life. I spend time surrounding myself with the things in life that keep my spirits hopeful. I try to keep away from negative people as much as I can. I read The Oprah Magazine (that’s kind of a joke even though I do!). I enjoy pictures with inspiring quotes, and empowering affirmations.

But I just can’t bite into this phrase…

“Everything happens for a reason.

For those of you who embrace this phrase and find it comforting please bare with me as I am not trying to squash your belief. I just have a tweak to it.

By self-proclamation I have stated I am a very positive person. Part of that is because I know what the pits of negativity feels like. I know that living in a generally negative state of mind not only impedes my personal growth, it affects my relationships, and how far I make it in life. I know that finding the good in people and situations is a healthier way to live. However, I also know sometimes not finding one or the other in life’s occurrences is okay. Because for some things-the experience itself is enough without a reason to solidify it; to get lost in the negative of it, or work to find the positive. For some situations I simply like to have a take away.

When my sister was going through chemo I remained pretty peaceful. I went into work and did my job. I kept in touch with my friends to let them know how things were. No searching for the answer to why this was happening to such a good person or placing blame on my God for her sickness. Life kept going so I adjusted and went with it. During that time my appreciation for my sister was even further solidified. It became clear when I was staying calm, and taking care of myself it also helped make the most of the time I was with her. By simply getting through this time I experienced growth in my way of handling a scary, and potentially devastating situation. This of course was a positive thing, but it was also organic. It came from just being what I needed to be during this time.

A take away is something you can learn or face from a situation without the added search for a reason. Sometimes the growth isn’t in finding the reason-it is in simply getting through the situation in a way that serves you in the healthiest manner. Sometimes, abandoning reason leaves more space to learn, to grow, and to take away something helpful that contributes to your personal growth.

Instead of why, try asking, what.

“My point is, shit happens. Randomly. But here’s an amazing human capacity: We can use virtually any experience as a catalyst for hopelessness or growth…Each of these positions in equally untestable. So we get to choose.”

                ~Martha Beck: “Reversal of Bad Fortune”

Magdelena xo

Questions

Short one today, but with some meat. Hope you’ll enjoy these quick bites!

Maybe you can help me out and comment with some answers or similar ponderings you share with me.

Questions

Why do the instructions sometimes make things MORE complicated?

608-03471325

How come children ask you questions like “Are we playing tag?” When you just said something like “We are going to play tag.” Right in front of them. And they suggested it.

Does everything really happen for a reason?

Why do men like to hit on me at the gas station?

If every cloud has a silver lining how come I haven’t struck it rich yet when it rains?

Why does my hair look the most fabulous when I am home watching Netflix?

Speaking of beauty matters… 

  Why is it even when I follow the EXACT directions on YouTube..?                 

Nailed-It-Laura-Eye

Magdelena xo

Saturday

My first thought when I woke up this morning was “I haven’t thought about anything to write for the Sunday blog post!” My brain has been a little mushed because this was my last week of work. No “See you in August,” or “Is this your last year?” This was it, and with that goodbyes were in order all week long. My mind has been consumed with memories over the last ten years with both my coworkers, and the students that have come through. I thought to myself to be kind, and if nothing came to me just skip this week and something epic will certainly come up for the following Sunday.

As I lay in bed-relieved from that thought, I finally gave myself a moment to really pause. I let it sink in that I was no longer an employee with a place that I linked a major part of my identity to. Reflecting on what exactly I would miss nothing momentous came to mind, but after a few minutes I realized why. I jumped out of bed straight to the computer, and wrote this in one sitting. It actually goes back to the very first post I made when I started this blog. Which I find compelling; because once again I have no idea what I am doing, but am continuing to move forward.

It was all the small things.

 It was the quick interactions and brief encounters. Like being able to run to my coworker’s house on break after one quick text because my pants had ripped in the back and I was unknowingly flashing our students. It was the five extra minutes another aide would give me to go down and grab a coffee in the staff room before they ran out. Being able to pee during lunch duty because another coworker was watching her students and would gladly keep an eye on mine. Given space first thing by the teacher to decompress because she knew I was going through a rough time, and crying every morning on the way to work.

It was the words of encouragement in passing from one of our speech pathologists when I was trying to lose a bunch of weight. The students who screamed, “HI MS. M!!!” waving in excitement from afar. The teacher who offered to let me lead her class in a lesson and she would watch my student because she knew I needed a break. The parent who replied “Ahhh of course, always helping others Ms. M,” when I told him I wanted to be a life coach.

Sometimes in life, all the small things add up to being one enormous, important, positive, and necessary big thing. It is the combination of being yourself, and going the extra something. Going the extra moment to compliment the cashier’s hairstyle when it’s all she has because she wears a uniform, the extra mile to drive your friend home who had one too many, extending a smile to a stranger in passing without expectation, or that oh so important extra minute of coverage for a coworker so they can pee.

I would like to leave you with this thought. As much as we might embrace the small things others do for us, and as much as we might do little things for the ones we love…what about you? What if you did small things for yourself? What if you looked in the mirror for a moment and smiled? Took a walk around the block because the sun was shining and you wanted to feel it on your face? Or took out a few minutes while the kids played to call a friend that always makes you laugh, and leaves you in a better mood?

What if everyday you did just one, small positive thing, for you?

Imagine what that might add up to.

I woke up this Saturday morning thinking I had nothing for Callavida this week, and while lying in bed I paused to tell myself that was okay. Look what came out of that one small, comforting thought.

smallthings

Magdelena xo

*Dedicated to my Foothill Family. All the small memories will keep our hearts connected.