Sometimes sharing something with someone is just about that.
Simply sharing your thoughts, and your feelings.
Processing things on your own with a supporting sounding board.
And here is why this is so important on both ends, as the processor, and the listener:
Our highest parts can get muffled by the day to day we dive into mentally. Creating the space and time to truly listen to these higher parts is an amazing act of self-care that fills your cup. A cup you can then savor with its richness, and share with others.
And as a sounding board, you are simply providing an amazing act of generosity.
Accepting who you are and what your heart desires is essential to healthy personal growth. You are on this planet one time, and will best serve it listening to the highest parts of you.
The parts that bring you the things your soul is drawn to; your way, and in your time.
Contact me to discuss how I can support You with
Cultivating a more Empowered path through accessing Your own Points of Peace!
When life gives you lemons
And that is Okay.
Sometimes there is a lesson,
and sometimes things just happen.
It doesn’t always have to make sense, love.
It’s okay not to search for the why.
And it’s okay to sit with the why me for a bit.
It is okay to be pissed off, and sad.
to Feel It.
I like my cocktails,
but when life gives me lemons I can’t turn to them much.
When life gives you lemons
You can toss them.
You don’t have to use them!
Maybe hold them for a moment; give them a feel.
They were given to you.
When life gives you lemons,
Eat your chips with chopsticks.
Are you in beautiful Bay Area? Interested in connecting with other women who believe in the power of self-care, and how to make the most (or nothing) out of life’s lemons?
Join us on Earth Day this year to give yourself some love and support!
There is a young child I am working with right now that perfectly portrayed one night, exactly how I had been handling recent stress at certain points throughout my daily life.
He had a meltdown I could relate to on an almost spiritual level.
You see, I am this kid’s pusher. I am the one who celebrates his abilities while pushing him outside of his comfort zone. I am the one who changes the schedule when he gets too comfortable with routine. I reward him for taking risks, and I keep him going when he melts down with perceived failures. I am the one who plays with him, but also has to tell him it’s time get back to work. I surround him with love. I piss him off.
I make sure he is learning, and growing.
I am to him, what life is to me.
The night this was made clear I had decided to reward him after completing a non-preferred task with using “okay Google” on my phone. He was thrilled! He got to ask one question. He got to see the answer. We got to talk about it.
And then I put the phone away.
With a red-face, and body contortions so extreme I thought we might have to call a priest, this kid proceeded to writhe all over the couch. I stood there calmly, taking loud enough breaths for him to hear. After what seemed like an eternity later he slithered onto the floor and started to breath with me. He wiped his tears, sharply stood up, and with raised up arms he said with a smile,
“OKAY I AM DONE!”
After a big hug were able to transition to the next activity. He was done, but he was not finished. Realistically, his meltdown did not take anything away but a few minutes of awkward observation on my end. It was more of a physical release than anything else.
For most of us, surrendering to an internal struggle is the best thing we can do to release it.
When you are brought down by life it is okay to meltdown for a bit with the intention of repairing so you can get back up stronger than before. Make friends with your breaking point, and even go a bit nuts. If you are thrower-lover find something appropriate to further release the tension, if you enjoy exercise do a bunch of frustrated push-ups, or sprint down the street. Do yoga. Call a trusted friend to word vomit to, or if you are a writer like myself, pick up a pen and without judgement jot down what you are really thinking.
Do something with your body to support your mind.
Because guess what?
We are not robots. Even the most ultra spiritual person can’t possibly have enough sage to smudge away certain stress. Who knows? You might find a vegetarian eating bacon on their worst day. Or the most poised person yelling into their pillow when it all feels like too much.
This is all okay.
We all feel, we process, we absorb, and we carry on.
This is what it means to be human.
“It is surprising how sane you will become when you allow yourself to go a bit nuts.”
I was almost done writing a different blog post for tonight.
I was almost done.
Let me tell you, it’s powerful. It touches on women’s issues. It was written from my heart.
But the couple at the table in front of me started arguing.
I have been single for a while now and forgot the part of being with someone you love like crazy who can also drive you like, crazy. I am also generally not an argumentative person, particularly in public, so this kind of suckered me in.
Slightly raised voices, leaning in to get the point through gritted teeth, and side glances at me as I was in closest proximity to them.
I was very much seated in an audience position.
Don’t judge me. I still kept trying to finish my post. Tried to get into the feeling I had only a few moments before she raised her voice, and he raised up his hands in response….
But I couldn’t.
I felt like I was a peering cautiously into an exhibit at the relationship zoo.
More raised voices, her running off to the bathroom, and more side glances. She comes back in tears, and proceeds to ignore him as they look at their menus. Attempt to deflate the tension in the air with a softer, lower tone. Hair flips then silence.
Maybe I can stop chatting online and get back to this heartfelt meaningful pos-
Uh oh. Suddenly with clearly frustrated body language he leaned across the table and did the thing.
And I knew exactly what he was going to tell her, more or less.
It did not end well.
Ah. To be in love. And part of its zoo.
I am writing this on a whim…my Black Fridays entail steering clear of any place that advertises this happening.
I just came across a YouTube video from a man named Ralph Smart. He was quite entertaining to watch, and dives pretty deep while keeping the spirit lifted.
It’s a pleasant combination.
As a single person I found this empowering, and also thought, what a great check-in for those in relationships, who like myself, are always trying to dig just a little bit deeper…
Stay Single until You find Someone:
We need these men to more boldly step forward.
I don’t spend much time looking around for advice about being single because it all tends to be the same, and in my 30s it’s unfortunate that for the most part, advice is based off of trying to help me reach some end point of ultimate happiness. I very much appreciated this video, and just had to share.
To the ones who are happily single-you can continue to be truly happy and still desire to connect with someone! And, to the ones who are not-from personal experience, you won’t be able to genuinely connect with someone, until you can truly be happy.
Who you are and where you are are two different things.
What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?
For me, it is very comforting.
The times I choose to remember that.
You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?
Here comes that shit again.
Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!
And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.
The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.
It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.
Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.
Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.
You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:
In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.
This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.
So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?
IT TAKES WORK.
You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!
Here are a few ways to get started:
1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.
2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?
3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them! Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.
If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.
No matter where you are.
I recently started a new gig hanging out with a young woman who has special needs. She was tough to read when I was interviewed with her, but mom told me that because she didn’t just get up and go to her room, I impressed her. Ahh, got it! From that point I started to visit her once a week for a little fun socializing. We shoot hoops in the backyard, play games, and cook. I am really enjoying it.
Today as we were side by side prepping to cook delicious shrimp quesadillas there was this moment. It was this beautiful quiet that can happen when you are fully present with cooking. If you love to cook, you know this moment well.
We were having it.
A few minutes in I hear a giggle, and feel a light touch on the small of my back:
“I like you.”
Let’s stop for a moment here. Think about this. How often do we tell people we like them when we like them? How often do we say “I love you” when we feel it? Not “love ya,” but the entire thing.
I. Love. You.
I. Like. You.
I think it is because it puts us in a fairly vulnerable state to say these words out loud. We feel so yummy inside, and it’s our feeling, but caused by someone else. We don’t say it much because as simple as these words are, they carry so much meaning. And just as my friend had to let out her giggle right before she touched me, statements such as these almost always bring a visceral reaction, right before we say them.
I have learned in my recent years to step into this type of vulnerability over and over again. I say I like you when I like you. I tell you are awesome if you are awesome. If you amaze me, well, take that to heart because I am not the easiest person to impress, ha! And if you asked any of my family or friends if I love them, they without hesitation, would say yes.
Because as much as I try to show them, I tell them too.
Back to this endearing moment.
“I like you.”
Oh! and awe. This feels nice to hear.
And for that moment, I could see myself through her eyes. She just liked the fact, that I was me. How cool is that.
And how bravely sweet of her, to tell me exactly what she was feeling.
Most of the time I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I plan on certain things happening-eating, sleeping(at some point), work, and bills. Most everything else, I navigate day to day, gut feeling by gut feeling.
I kinda just do as I go, and go as I do.
I love it.
I love it because I used to plan a lot in the past.
I had a plan for every possible negative outcome that could happen when it came to my health, relationships, and any natural talents I possessed.
You see, all the planning I was doing essentially stemmed from fear. Sketched out by my insecurities, outlined by my worries, and essayed by my anxiety.
I didn’t realize how much this way of thinking contributed to my habit of self-sabotage until I saw a therapist.
Which is a whole different blog post I might get to in the future.
Back to the planning thing. Planning is not all negative. Planning can be really great, and imperative for certain situations. The planning I was consistently doing was not healthy. Over the years I learned, and am learning, what kind of planner I am, what kind of planner I want to be, and what kind of planner I don’t want to be.
These are three things I believe we should not hold off on for the perfect plan.
The weather, people, and creative ideas.
Waiting for the perfect sunshine weather to take a walk along that beach you love? First of all, be grateful you live close enough to a beach to do that because I am very jealous right now, and second, put on a hoodie…go for that walk. Waiting for the perfect person to sweep you off your feet? Sweep yourself off your feet, and your vision of this desired person will become less narrow, thus opening your eyes to greater possibilities.
Have an idea that charges up your creative mojo, lights up your mind, and ignites your soul? Don’t wait to talk to someone you think has it all together to help you perfectly lay things out. Don’t wait until you’ve sorted through all your notes, sketches, or recordings. Pluck one thing from the beautiful mess of a potentially amazing idea, and do something with it.
Because if you wait until some perfect sign, person, or plan comes around you are not really doing much more than waiting, are you not?
You gotta do at least one thing with your something in order to figure out if this something, is even…something!
And who knows? This one thing from this something could be the key to discovering if it is even anything.
It could be something.
It could be nothing.
It could be everything.
I have a student at my work who is a little negative Nancy. She never seems entirely happy from moment to moment, nor easily satisfied. For example, one day we were coloring during free time, and she mentioned wanting to have her old teacher back. I asked what did she like about her that made her want be back in her class? She replied “Well she let me draw and color during free time.”
A few days ago it ended up being just us two girls and a handful of boys in program. For first period they all wanted to play basketball. Normally I play with them (grandma shots and all), but of course, my negative Nancy was unhappy that we all wanted to do something physically active…during physical activity time. She slumped onto a bench nearby and crossed her arms. I decided to see if I could help shift her mood.
“Have you ever played M.A.S.H.?”
I took out some paper from my work binder and gave her first turn. She chose potential jobs, number of children, pets, and “types” of future husbands. When it was time to count off she declared that picking a type of husband was the hardest part.
I might have to agree with her on that one.
When we finished the first round she was appalled at the job she landed. “Whyyyy did I get THAT job?!” Imitating her signature whiny tone I answered.
“Becaaaause, you CHOSE that job!”
Then, it was my turn.
Now this is where it got kind of cool. My girl initially picked some pretty mediocre shit. She had never played the game, and was understandably unfamiliar with how to fully engage it. So as my turns went on, and I had named a horse as one of my pets, “a wild warrior” as a potential husband, and one of my jobs getting paid to travel it started to sink in for her.
There were no limits.
What were her dreams like at this age?
We played back and forth for the entire period. By the time we got to her last turn she was clapping in delight, as she landed an “artistic guy,” a pet dragon, zero kids, and a job as an artist. When I asked if she thought these things could come true she shrugged, but then mentioned with a slight smile, “But it’s what I WANT.”
Later that night I thought about our time together and how my turns went. The initial ones were more in the area of magical outcomes, more silly to reflect the lightness of the game to my Nancy, but also with a hint of truth to which I would not share with even the closest of friends. Sometimes children keep the best secrets. One turn midway I realized was what I thought I wanted, and the very last turn ended up being most of things I currently, really wanted.
Well, maybe I can’t have a pet wolf.
But perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to pet one.