Las Lineas

Man…Women rock.

We love hard, we feel bravely, and are so good at creating structure out of chaos.

I was very much reminded of all of this today.

We are beautiful.

I would like to share a piece I wrote recently published by Kim Baker Gomez.

A beautiful friend with a beautiful heart.

I hope that it reminds you, that you are beautiful too.

Las Lineas-the Lines

They tell you I have laughed more often than the average person.

They show you I have cried perhaps just the same.

They reveal the lineage of my brown skin and the resulting adaptability that lineage provides; keeping me looking younger than I actually am.

They do not fully reveal all those unwashed nights on the pillow, the lack of water, and sometimes excessive partying.

With that said, they fully reveal grace.

Las lineas. The lines. They speak for me in ways I can no longer recall for myself.

How can something so special, and unique to each of us, not be embraced?

But I have never viewed them as my enemy, and just as the lines on the palms of my hands have a path to reveal and a story to tell, they do too.

In my mind when I look in the mirror I see las lineas as love specific to the way I express it. Openly, clumsily at times, but never afraid to get up from the fall.

I simply do not see them as outward connectors to the negatives we are bombarded with about aging. I view them as positively beautiful connectors into the windows of my soul.

I look in the mirror and see the lines reaching into the corner of my eyes….so thin, and not quite noticeable at first glance of my face. Yet at the same time, my lines are so very much earned, and so very much filled with the strength of my experiences over the 37 years I have been on this planet.

NMM

 Maggie xo

 

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Adulting: Holding on to Your POP

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What we believe about ourselves, and the core of who we are does not change just because our surroundings and life might. How comforting is that?

For me, it is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it can become a mental habit to equate ourselves to where we are externally in life. If we have a job we don’t love or make less than we desire it is easy to think we might not be worth finding something better. If you are in your 30s+ and single, there are people who will always be confused as shit by this, or if you are in a relationship but choose not to get married there are people who will always be uncomfortable as shit by this. Married? Where is the kid? Kid? You just want one?

No way.

Here comes that shit again.

Amigos,

Embrace everything YOUR soul desires. It is not anyone else’s to do so!

And just as you are-you are simply you, and you are just fine.

The major parts of your heart, character, and natural gifts cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation to match, or finding that person who gives you all the butterflies will not change that.

It adds to the you you already are, but it does not change it.

Finding your POP, your point of peace, is all about grounding into this part of yourself that cannot be shaken when life moves you.

Because here is what happens when you do not learn ways to come back to yourself.

You will generally witness yourself in the midst of two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

This is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances, mostly being other people, and allow it to be shaped.

So how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

Well,

IT TAKES WORK.

You need to continuously work on accessing your POP!

Here are a few ways to get started:worth

1) Know Thyself-if you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses you can share your strengths with others while working on your challenges.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic right? So why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what else you do? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” Accepting how you feel is actually a great first step to letting go of feelings and thoughts that are no longer serving you.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it, everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, strong as hell, and true.

No matter where you are.

Maggie xo

M.A.S.H.

I have a student at my work who is a little negative Nancy. She never seems entirely happy from moment to moment, nor easily satisfied. For example, one day we were coloring during free time, and she mentioned wanting to have her old teacher back. I asked what did she like about her that made her want be back in her class? She replied “Well she let me draw and color during free time.”

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Gotcha…

A few days ago it ended up being just us two girls and a handful of boys in program. For first period they all wanted to play basketball. Normally I play with them (grandma shots and all), but of course, my negative Nancy was unhappy that we all wanted to do something physically active…during physical activity time. She slumped onto a bench nearby and crossed her arms. I decided to see if I could help shift her mood.

“Have you ever played M.A.S.H.?”

I took out some paper from my work binder and gave her first turn. She chose potential jobs, number of children, pets, and “types” of future husbands. When it was time to count off she declared that picking a type of husband was the hardest part.

I might have to agree with her on that one.

When we finished the first round she was appalled at the job she landed. “Whyyyy did I get THAT job?!” Imitating her signature whiny tone I answered.

“Becaaaause, you CHOSE that job!”

Then, it was my turn.

Now this is where it got kind of cool. My girl initially picked some pretty mediocre shit. She had never played the game, and was understandably unfamiliar with how to fully engage it. So as my turns went on, and I had named a horse as one of my pets, “a wild warrior” as a potential husband, and one of my jobs getting paid to travel it started to sink in for her.
There were no limits.

What were her dreams like at this age?

Amazing!

We played back and forth for the entire period. By the time we got to her last turn she was clapping in delight, as she landed an “artistic guy,” a pet dragon, zero kids, and a job as an artist. When I asked if she thought these things could come true she shrugged, but then mentioned with a slight smile, “But it’s what I WANT.”

 Later that night I thought about our time together and how my turns went. The initial ones were more in the area of magical outcomes, more silly to reflect the lightness of the game to my Nancy, but also with a hint of truth to which I would not share with even the closest of friends. Sometimes children keep the best secrets. One turn midway I realized was what I thought I wanted, and the very last turn ended up being most of things I currently, really wanted.

Well, maybe I can’t have a pet wolf.

But perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to pet one.

Maggie xo

Dating for Funnies

First dates can be funny for me.

No joke.

When the date is “funny” it means at one point I was doing my uncomfortable laugh, and/or at one point confused by who my date was.

Generally, as a human.

I grab my keys posthaste as we walk to my car, and give the polite pat on the back hug as I say thank you. I immediately want to call a friend so that I can transmute the oddness of my experience with comedy.  Over the years I have had a handful of first dates that when shared with friends inspired the type of laughter that always made me feel like a stand up comedian. And still does.

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Thanks, I try.

What is my point? Well, my point is this…laughter really is the best medicine in the case of first dates. Before to calm nerves, during to connect, and after to decompress. Whether through continued laughter from the date (phew! it went well.), or a fresh new set of laughs to share with a good friend by way of simple story telling.

Single friend over 30, it can easily feel daunting at times. I understand. I empathize. I live it. But I also try not to see it this way. Why think things are daunting when this can end up becoming a belief that things are hopeless? My Beautiful, Hopeful, and Uniquely Spirited single person-feeling hopeless can turn into harsher types of negative thinking. If you are to attract positive you need to be positive and happy about dating. And you (and I) don’t need anyone or anything in our lives to create these feelings.

That is our job.

So I say why not be a little humorous about it? Bad date? Oh well. It was one date and you knew at one point during it this person was not someone you wanted to invest anymore time with. So you make the best of it, you take your leftover food home, maybe crack open a beer, curl up on the couch, and call a friend. As you share and reflect on the date, placing yourself outside of it you now realize the funny parts. The odd or confusing parts. The parts that made you have a better understanding of not only the type of person you are looking for, but the type of person you are at the core. Nothing about the date can change that, and that is the beauty in it all. You just had this one date that didn’t make you really excited, happy, or yes, laugh.

But one day you will lock eyes with someone and you will feel it as the conversation flows. Where the laughs happen during the date, after the date, via text, the phone calls, and everywhere else; for so much longer Thereafter.

Maggie xo

when She is Big

I would like to share something written by a woman I admire, and have had the pleasure to work with over the last few months.

She is Big because she is not afraid to dig deep, and uses what she finds to positively move forward! I am proud of this Calla gal.

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When I am Big
I am a mindful, centered, positive creator.
I am helpful and giving to others in a way that doesn’t drain me or steal my energy.
I am dynamic and energetic with a thirst for life and change.
I am kind and compassionate from a place of love and not fear or anger.
I am strong and truthful and authentic and able to express my position with words of wisdom.
I am free from the shackles of societal and familial pressures and forge my own path based on the whispers of my Heart.
I am slow moving through each present moment with a quiet mind and an open heart.
I am uplifted because the universe has my back and I put my wholehearted trust in that Divine Power.
That is who I am when I am Big.

Vanessa, a Callavida Gal

Anything, But

I mostly feed my soul with this blog, but for today, this post is not for me.

This is for the friend. The friend who wrote me that she is hurting because she feels like she does not know who she is anymore. She says the world took that away from her. She does not like herself when she looks in the mirror. She does not love herself.

“What do you think Maggie?” she asked me.

“What do you say about yourself?”

About myself?

Instantaneously I am compelled to answer that

I am grateful.

Bottom line.

Then I add….

I really like myself. Actually, I love myself. I am keenly aware of the things that make up who I am that I would not change, because then I would be changing the make up of who I am.

Sometimes though…this can be rather annoying…and I think it becomes this way when you REALLY start to like yourself. Love yourself. When you don’t really like or love you-these things can simply hurt. Sometimes…

It seems the world wants you to be anything but the realrawfreewildnonconforming Iamsohappyinmyownpersonalitybubblepleasedonotfreakinpopit-YOU.

So I try to be anything but.

What people that do not have their own best interests at heart, expect me to be.

tried
Maggie xo

Who do I Love More?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? Maybe you’ve had to make a decision that would be great for you but might upset or shift a situation that you are either way too comfortable with, or someone else is?

I used to do this too much. It was like I was always second priority when it came to making choices. Even when the only person that would be affected was me-yes, I would put my “eh” self before my best one. And we know what this generally ties into right?

Our self-worth.

So, I try to ask myself these days:

“Who do I love more?”

Then I compare. For example, something I check in with frequently is the people I choose to keep close and support in my life. Boundaries can be a frequent issue for the givers. So, if I am “helping” someone by constantly giving them advice an ear and my time…but it is sucking up my mental energy, I would (and have) asked: “Who do love I more-that person, and their perhaps unrealized need to feed off my energy or me, and my need to preserve it?”

Does that make sense? Think about how effective this question can be if we really sit with it. It can even be for little things. Like, “Who do I love more-Jack and the Box jalapeño poppers or my body which has to deal with uncomfortably digesting it?”

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Why is that question so hard

So next time you are faced with a decision that you KNOW in your gut could have an excellent healthy solid answer if it not for some external factor or possible outcome that is maybe not so hot, again including your own not so hot feelings to stay comfortable or agreeable…ask yourself this question.

Who do I love more?

Because even when we have the best intentions and considerations for the things outside ourselves, that answer should pretty much always somehow,

Be You.

Maggie xo

The Parking Lot

Some of you might recall the blog post I did on self-healing, and one of the suggestions I made to write. If you have not had the chance to read this post, please do. Writing has always been one of the greatest outlets I have used to get through things, move forward, and communicate messages when I could not speak them out clearly.

So I want to write about the time I was scared for my life. I want to write about it because I am aware this is a deeply lodged block that was brought to the surface during a healing session with a dear friend, and when advised to face it I clamped up again. It is not going to be dealt with through excessive tears, reliving every single detail of that moment alone in my head, or sharing the story with someone face to face. I further realize this is not about forgiving the other person because I already have, years ago; it is about forgiving myself. Finally. Time to forgive, in entirety…

~

I forgive myself for allowing someone to treat me in a way I did not deserve to be treated. I did not deserve to be treated this way. I did not deserve to be treated this way.

I did not deserve to be treated this way.

I forgive myself for not getting the hell out when I had those opportunities I stayed. When my friends reached out their hand and I high fived back my being okay instead of letting them hold it and take it and take me away. And I stayed. I forgive myself for dropping out of school and spending every moment I had to spare with him because he declared college wasn’t for me. I forgive myself for keeping my mouth shut and apologizing when I knew he had cheated but yelled at me for knowing he had cheated on me. Yes it appears that I cheated on you, but I didn’t. I did. I forgive myself for not wearing lipstick years after because he said it looked horrible on me. I never liked it, but now the colors are muted, or so bright because with you all I knew was one or the other. You made me quiet with my light. You made me quiet. This one…oh you really got me with this one. I forgive myself. For not singing in the car or shower when you were around because you said I had a terrible voice. No Mariahs here but, fuck you-it was and still is my ultimate outlet. And I rock it.

Most of all I forgive myself for believing I was so unworthy that I stayed with someone who made me scared for my life one night. Around my neck tight. Yelling at me, laughing at the same time I was grabbing hands and trying to pull them away. What if I scratched him. But then he might get more mad. So this is what it feels like to lose more than my voice. I hope I don’t have a mark on my neck. Another excuse, like the bump on my forehead. He let me go. When we walked into that Safeway and I had mascara running down my face, my hair disheveled. I looked in the mirror at that dirty Midtown Safeway bathroom and could not recognize myself.

I didn’t know what had just happened, but I knew he was waiting.

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Be Well

Maggie xo

Say It and Spray It

I was thinking about one of the nicest things someone said to me in 2015.

Her name was Ms. Aishu, and she was working the day I substituted at a local preschool. My shift was over during nap time, and I was slowly getting up from my seated station when I saw her walk by. I mouthed I was leaving and waved. Still walking by me she whispered goodbye, but then, back to me, I saw her pause. She slowly turned around, knelt in front of me and said,

“And by the way, you are very beautiful Ms. Maggie.”

valentine_face_1I think I looked like this when She told Me…

I appreciate Ms. Aishu for the moment. She went out of her way to say something nice to me instead of just thinking it. I had only known her a few hours, and resonated with the fact that it was probably a bit weird for her; paying such a pointed compliment to someone she didn’t know. Isn’t it funny how hard that can be for of us? To simply say something kind? The reason this is one of the nicest things said to me in 2015, doesn’t have to do with her using the word beautiful, but rather everything else wrapped up in the approach and intention of her sharing this with me.

With all the little negative things that happen to us every day, and the bigger tragedies happening around the globe right now it can be so easy to close in on our own personal, protective little bubble. Problem is it usually protects all the wrong things…our ego, fears, insecurities, and genuine spirit. We use it to ignore, or over dramatize so we do not have to take responsibility for something we feel is too big or far away to even address.

Back to Ms. Aishu.

I think we should all do what she did, and say nice things to each other we wouldn’t normally go out of our way to say, to people we know might not normally hear the nice things we might be thinking.

Try it. Say some nice things, to some people this week.

Maggie xo

The Green will Make you Grow

callablog

Ahhh good old-fashioned, passive-aggressive acting, in your face confronting, insecurity creating, paranoid thought manifesting, Debbie downing speaking

Jealousy.

Jealousy is pretty taboo among women because we are really not interested in sharing a side of ourselves that exposes such a personal vulnerability. And it is my honest genuine opinion that this is exactly what jealousy equals=vulnerable.

So I brought it up to a group of over 100 women from all walks of life,

 and asked this question…

Ladies, when you feel that twinge of jealousy with other women how do you react to it? What thoughts crossed your mind? 

Leonardo da vinci

I really don’t know. I have recently become the one to be looked at that way. (Just being honest, not vain or rude) I had people tell me they are and its not in a mean way, At least I don’t think it is lol, but its nice to just say it and then let it go. ~Charlene

~

Durga PujaIN TO THE

As much as jealousy can sometimes come out in ways we feel kind of “icky” about, it can teach us something if we dig past that first layer of heat. It’s totally okay to shrug it off if we understand our general triggers, but if it becomes something reoccurring, or that really puts a fire under our tush then it IS important to uncover the “WHY.”

~

It’s lessened over time since becoming involved with metaphysics and self awareness practice…when it snuck up on me the other day and I caught it, my thought was “she might not even like that feature of hers, in fact it may be smoke and mirrors, IN FACT she may want what I or someone else has instead of what she does!!” And then it went away and she was an equal again.” ~Ali

Felicia

Although it can be uncomfortable revealing my “WHY” there is some relief in it. After
figuring out why (or simply acknowledging why) I am clinging on to a jealous feeling, or moment there follows growth. Because I
have just tapped into something I can work with. Something more logical, and less reactive. In this way actually, now that I think about it…you can do this with any negative emotions really.

It’s okay to experience jealous feelings. It’s okay to look at the girl with the seemingly perfect body or perfect partner or the perfect career and feel a little green. We ALL have those moments. What is NOT okay is acting upon them, using them as an excuse to put ourselves down, or not dealing with the WHY when it is more intense.

Face your shit ladies, or let it go.

The green will make you grow.

Maggie xo