Lemon Self-Care

When life gives you lemons

it Sucks,

And that is Okay.

Sometimes there is a lesson,

and sometimes things just happen.

It doesn’t always have to make sense, love.

It’s okay not to search for the why.

And it’s okay to sit with the why me for a bit.

It is okay to be pissed off, and sad.

to Feel It.

I like my cocktails,

but when life gives me lemons I can’t turn to them much.

When life gives you lemons

You can toss them.

You don’t have to use them!

Maybe hold them for a moment; give them a feel.

They were given to you.

When life gives you lemons,

Eat your chips with chopsticks.

WorstdayEver

Maggie xo

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Butterfly Feels

I was recently chosen to do a video shoot for Callavida. How fortunate am I? How lucky. I was excited!

I was also super nervous-even though  I can do videos on the fly for my Instagram account this was different. I get so much anxiety around planned attention on me. This is my introverted side.

The time came to meet at a beautiful botanical garden, as I had asked to shoot everything outdoors. We met at 7:30 am, and by 11:00-ish a few things started to happen…

I became so freaking hot.

From that I became so freaking sweaty my face started to develop a “sunkicked” glow.

I realized having breakfast would have been a good idea.

Any opportunity a bug had to bite me, it would. Nothing I could do in a knee length dress.

Overall, I was feeling the exhaustion of the work we put in, as he warned me I would.

But shortly after all of this hit we arrived at an area of the garden that had patches of plants specifically grown to attract one of my most cherished creatures on this planet.
Butterflies.

There were mostly monarchs, and a few adorably petite, lightly colored ones. I stood there completely enchanted.

And here is the part where I connected with my POP…my point of peace.

Remember how I felt? Toasty, itchy, shiny in a bad way, and slightly lightheaded from having not eaten. All those feelings were at the forefront of my mind, and my skin. But when I stood there in front of these freaking awesome symbols of growth I suddenly became very present. It felt like when I was kid and would lie on my stomach with a book. There was this touch of magic.

For the next 15 minutes or so, as my friend took video of them I slowly made my way around. I giggled at the ones that flew so suddenly close and away, as if gently jolted by my being an obstacle of flight. I stared as closely as I could with every fiber of my attention at the ones landing on the dusty yellow parts that continuously provided them a sweet feeding. This fed me too.

I talked to them, mostly in my crazy cat lady voice but hey, I think they got it. Even if they didn’t I imagined they did, and that in itself calmed me down.

This was my POP

~

Your point of peace does not have to be anything grand. It can be the weightlessness of floating in the tub for a few moments. The mindlessness of reading that celebrity magazine you splurged on after a stressful day, or diving into to the depths of a good book, if even for a few pages. It can be ice cream satisfaction feels or the “ahhh” sigh with that first sip of coffee.

Or, it can be butterfly feels.

Maggie xo  

 

Dating for Funnies

First dates can be funny for me.

No joke.

When the date is “funny” it means at one point I was doing my uncomfortable laugh, and/or at one point confused by who my date was.

Generally, as a human.

I grab my keys posthaste as we walk to my car, and give the polite pat on the back hug as I say thank you. I immediately want to call a friend so that I can transmute the oddness of my experience with comedy.  Over the years I have had a handful of first dates that when shared with friends inspired the type of laughter that always made me feel like a stand up comedian. And still does.

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Thanks, I try.

What is my point? Well, my point is this…laughter really is the best medicine in the case of first dates. Before to calm nerves, during to connect, and after to decompress. Whether through continued laughter from the date (phew! it went well.), or a fresh new set of laughs to share with a good friend by way of simple story telling.

Single friend over 30, it can easily feel daunting at times. I understand. I empathize. I live it. But I also try not to see it this way. Why think things are daunting when this can end up becoming a belief that things are hopeless? My Beautiful, Hopeful, and Uniquely Spirited single person-feeling hopeless can turn into harsher types of negative thinking. If you are to attract positive you need to be positive and happy about dating. And you (and I) don’t need anyone or anything in our lives to create these feelings.

That is our job.

So I say why not be a little humorous about it? Bad date? Oh well. It was one date and you knew at one point during it this person was not someone you wanted to invest anymore time with. So you make the best of it, you take your leftover food home, maybe crack open a beer, curl up on the couch, and call a friend. As you share and reflect on the date, placing yourself outside of it you now realize the funny parts. The odd or confusing parts. The parts that made you have a better understanding of not only the type of person you are looking for, but the type of person you are at the core. Nothing about the date can change that, and that is the beauty in it all. You just had this one date that didn’t make you really excited, happy, or yes, laugh.

But one day you will lock eyes with someone and you will feel it as the conversation flows. Where the laughs happen during the date, after the date, via text, the phone calls, and everywhere else; for so much longer Thereafter.

Maggie xo

Anything, But

I mostly feed my soul with this blog, but for today, this post is not for me.

This is for the friend. The friend who wrote me that she is hurting because she feels like she does not know who she is anymore. She says the world took that away from her. She does not like herself when she looks in the mirror. She does not love herself.

“What do you think Maggie?” she asked me.

“What do you say about yourself?”

About myself?

Instantaneously I am compelled to answer that

I am grateful.

Bottom line.

Then I add….

I really like myself. Actually, I love myself. I am keenly aware of the things that make up who I am that I would not change, because then I would be changing the make up of who I am.

Sometimes though…this can be rather annoying…and I think it becomes this way when you REALLY start to like yourself. Love yourself. When you don’t really like or love you-these things can simply hurt. Sometimes…

It seems the world wants you to be anything but the realrawfreewildnonconforming Iamsohappyinmyownpersonalitybubblepleasedonotfreakinpopit-YOU.

So I try to be anything but.

What people that do not have their own best interests at heart, expect me to be.

tried
Maggie xo

Who do I Love More?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? Maybe you’ve had to make a decision that would be great for you but might upset or shift a situation that you are either way too comfortable with, or someone else is?

I used to do this too much. It was like I was always second priority when it came to making choices. Even when the only person that would be affected was me-yes, I would put my “eh” self before my best one. And we know what this generally ties into right?

Our self-worth.

So, I try to ask myself these days:

“Who do I love more?”

Then I compare. For example, something I check in with frequently is the people I choose to keep close and support in my life. Boundaries can be a frequent issue for the givers. So, if I am “helping” someone by constantly giving them advice an ear and my time…but it is sucking up my mental energy, I would (and have) asked: “Who do love I more-that person, and their perhaps unrealized need to feed off my energy or me, and my need to preserve it?”

Does that make sense? Think about how effective this question can be if we really sit with it. It can even be for little things. Like, “Who do I love more-Jack and the Box jalapeño poppers or my body which has to deal with uncomfortably digesting it?”

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Why is that question so hard

So next time you are faced with a decision that you KNOW in your gut could have an excellent healthy solid answer if it not for some external factor or possible outcome that is maybe not so hot, again including your own not so hot feelings to stay comfortable or agreeable…ask yourself this question.

Who do I love more?

Because even when we have the best intentions and considerations for the things outside ourselves, that answer should pretty much always somehow,

Be You.

Maggie xo

Of Course I like you. You’re an Asshole

I pulled up the text messages with clearly mundane, disinterested replies. I gave a huge throaty sigh, And as if a mother or great friend were scolding I heard myself say:

“Maggie of course you like him, he’s an asshole.”

~

So I am doing the Internet/Smartphone uhh…”dating” thing. 

Actually don’t really like it, and don’t believe I’m going to meet “the one” this way, but figure I could use the practice, and some of the experiences I’ve had have been these wonderfully weird stories to share. Which IS one of the fun things about dating in my 30s compared to my 20s.

 In a good way, I care less.

20s: Does HE like ME?

30s: Do I like HIM?

20s: He hasn’t called even though I texted him hello, what did I do? Maybe I should text one more time. I’ll add a cute unnaturally-posed selfie so he’ll be reminded of how pretty I am.

30s: Wait, that guy I saw last week hasn’t called. Oh well.

Where’s the beer I ordered?20140908_205413
Ya’ll wanna go home soon
I can’t wait to take off my bra.

BUT

(There’s always a but)…

I have noticed one habit I still haven’t completely shaken off that really needs to get squashed once and for all. And I am glad this has come to my attention NOW…while I…practice…”dating”…

I still go for assholes.

Oh yea, I used to date assholes. Chase assholes. Fall in love with them.

Spent the last year or so addressing this pattern, but hadn’t really dated to put into practice what I’d learned. Then recently I started to notice who I was paying more attention to.

The guys that didn’t have any descriptions on their profiles. The guys that looked like my asshole exes. The guys that didn’t want to actually meet me they just wanted to text a lot. Red flags. Everywhere.

And then I thought about the few exes I couldn’t say were jerks. I met them through friends. They were weird like me. They were dorky in some way like me. They were kind.

Touche my friend.

Touche.

Time to completely swipe left.

Maggie xo

Say It and Spray It

I was thinking about one of the nicest things someone said to me in 2015.

Her name was Ms. Aishu, and she was working the day I substituted at a local preschool. My shift was over during nap time, and I was slowly getting up from my seated station when I saw her walk by. I mouthed I was leaving and waved. Still walking by me she whispered goodbye, but then, back to me, I saw her pause. She slowly turned around, knelt in front of me and said,

“And by the way, you are very beautiful Ms. Maggie.”

valentine_face_1I think I looked like this when She told Me…

I appreciate Ms. Aishu for the moment. She went out of her way to say something nice to me instead of just thinking it. I had only known her a few hours, and resonated with the fact that it was probably a bit weird for her; paying such a pointed compliment to someone she didn’t know. Isn’t it funny how hard that can be for of us? To simply say something kind? The reason this is one of the nicest things said to me in 2015, doesn’t have to do with her using the word beautiful, but rather everything else wrapped up in the approach and intention of her sharing this with me.

With all the little negative things that happen to us every day, and the bigger tragedies happening around the globe right now it can be so easy to close in on our own personal, protective little bubble. Problem is it usually protects all the wrong things…our ego, fears, insecurities, and genuine spirit. We use it to ignore, or over dramatize so we do not have to take responsibility for something we feel is too big or far away to even address.

Back to Ms. Aishu.

I think we should all do what she did, and say nice things to each other we wouldn’t normally go out of our way to say, to people we know might not normally hear the nice things we might be thinking.

Try it. Say some nice things, to some people this week.

Maggie xo

Guilty Gems

“You were not born to be like someone else. You were born to be like you.” ~Rebecca Campbell

So, I’m not really sure where I will go with this post. You might find yourself relating, amused, or some great surprise feeling you didn’t even expect to have from reading this. I don’t know, and with that I thank you for bearing with me!

single
       Soooo…??

A mom that I work for has a TON of trashy magazines in her house. It is a special treat for me when I go over there because I never buy them, but boy do I find them entertaining if they’re lying around.

If you are judging me for this guilty pleasure feel free to stay seated waaaay up there while you read.

We all have our hidden gems though, right?

Anyway, I turn the TV on, make a neat stack of the magazines in my lap, four at a time, and then put them in chronological order. Because I am not afraid to admit the little ceremonial oddities that comfort my wonderfully weird mind.

I fly through the articles that look boring or with the pictures of fashionable items I can neither afford or pull off. I also tend to pause mid-mag and think…

Who am I to judge who wore it best? If they like it does it matter? Who cares? Why am I reading this crap? :Sigh: but I’m kinda really enjoying this.       This is not the time to go deep Maggie. It’s just not. Every moment of my life does not need to be analyzed in this way. I shake my head, keep reading, muttering to myself about who I decided wore it best and how cool it is that Selena Gomez wears jeans just like me.20151003_005032

I think it’s totally okay to indulge in this manner. Just do it. Keep the sessions short and sweet. Savor the mindless activities that relieve you of any pressure to do or be anything than just there.

And don’t compare yourself to famous people. Or anyone for that matter. If you wonder why-go back to the beginning.

Maggie xo

The Green will Make you Grow

callablog

Ahhh good old-fashioned, passive-aggressive acting, in your face confronting, insecurity creating, paranoid thought manifesting, Debbie downing speaking

Jealousy.

Jealousy is pretty taboo among women because we are really not interested in sharing a side of ourselves that exposes such a personal vulnerability. And it is my honest genuine opinion that this is exactly what jealousy equals=vulnerable.

So I brought it up to a group of over 100 women from all walks of life,

 and asked this question…

Ladies, when you feel that twinge of jealousy with other women how do you react to it? What thoughts crossed your mind? 

Leonardo da vinci

I really don’t know. I have recently become the one to be looked at that way. (Just being honest, not vain or rude) I had people tell me they are and its not in a mean way, At least I don’t think it is lol, but its nice to just say it and then let it go. ~Charlene

~

Durga PujaIN TO THE

As much as jealousy can sometimes come out in ways we feel kind of “icky” about, it can teach us something if we dig past that first layer of heat. It’s totally okay to shrug it off if we understand our general triggers, but if it becomes something reoccurring, or that really puts a fire under our tush then it IS important to uncover the “WHY.”

~

It’s lessened over time since becoming involved with metaphysics and self awareness practice…when it snuck up on me the other day and I caught it, my thought was “she might not even like that feature of hers, in fact it may be smoke and mirrors, IN FACT she may want what I or someone else has instead of what she does!!” And then it went away and she was an equal again.” ~Ali

Felicia

Although it can be uncomfortable revealing my “WHY” there is some relief in it. After
figuring out why (or simply acknowledging why) I am clinging on to a jealous feeling, or moment there follows growth. Because I
have just tapped into something I can work with. Something more logical, and less reactive. In this way actually, now that I think about it…you can do this with any negative emotions really.

It’s okay to experience jealous feelings. It’s okay to look at the girl with the seemingly perfect body or perfect partner or the perfect career and feel a little green. We ALL have those moments. What is NOT okay is acting upon them, using them as an excuse to put ourselves down, or not dealing with the WHY when it is more intense.

Face your shit ladies, or let it go.

The green will make you grow.

Maggie xo

Thank You for Your Goodbye

Bear with me on this post…I am feeling a bit salty as I start this.

Thursday marked the closing of a thread of toxic relationships in my life.

At first I was upset-this last friend was someone I had known for a long time, and I expected more from her because of that. I expected to be treated with the consideration that for the first time in our friendship I spoke up for myself. I was kind yet honest, and I was…you know…considerate. But no. Apparently I struck a major cord by communicating that I needed some space so she decided to put permanent space between us.

The Facebook unfriending! When-someone-unfriends-me

When I realized this was the manner of which I was getting the boot I had to chuckle. I guess in this sense, my expectations were met.

But as many of us learn the hard way…it is in general, really not healthy to hold expectations with others. Especially the ones you have seen repeat the same negative patterns in other relationships.

Why would I be any different?

I’m not.

And that is totally okay.

I don’t believe every single thing happens for a reason, but I do believe that the last few people who have exited my life in ways that do not honor all the years we’ve shared with each other is a sign I am experiencing the clearing of emotional clutter. Because clearing means creating space for greater things to come.

I would like to thank these last few people who I have parted ways with.

For your time in the past, however we left things it healthily clears my present, but I do honestly wish you well with your future, and release you with love.

I am going to keep it moving looking forward, and up.

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Maggie xo