Not too long ago I took a quick trip to a new beautiful state. On my last day, I decided with the limited time to drop off the rental car, take a nice long sunshine walk back to my hotel, and explore the area.
Later on in the sunshine, as my tiny feet grew tired and I got closer to the end of my little adventure, I noticed a bright green grassy knoll filled with dandelions. Alongside the short wall dividing the green grass and the bright clean sidewalk my boots paved, the perfectly cotton ball-shaped dandelions were lined up, swaying in the breeze.
It was a loud busy street, but I didn’t care. Just like I did as a little girl, wishing to “save the world,” I picked up a dandelion and made a wish. Then I picked up another one, then another, and made a few more.
As a walked away from that quiet moment I realized it left me feeling really good. I knew the wishes made could come true, and I was capable of making them happen. In that moment I also remembered, in order to do that, I had to let go of the SHOULD, and be with the IS. Meaning, if I could accept life in the present, things might go a lot more smoothly. Overall, I often struggle with fighting the now, try to leap over to points anticipated, and end up getting hurt from tripping over myself. Plus, I missed out.
Because the lessons in life are mostly in the in between.
“Put your wishes out there with positive intentions! Share them with someone or write them down. How often do we make wishes with a defeatist attitude-keeping them as just far away dreams that will never come true? Do you really want to live your life never taking any chances to heighten your level of success? And I am not just writing about career or money. Wishes can be about anything…healthier relationships, reconnecting with someone, taking that trip you’ve thought about but never planned for, or starting that meditation routine you know will help with anxiety. Make a wish. Then evolve it into something outside your head and within your grasp. You can do it!”
“She turned her can’ts into cans and dreams into plans…”
It can feel pretty lonely at times going for a dream. Even if you’ve always had a pretty awesome support system, you’ll find as you keep moving forward positively, and begin practicing more focused habits to reach your goals a few things happen with the various people surrounding your life:
1) They ignore what you’re doing. They don’t ask you about it, they hurry the conversation if you bring it up, and if there are easy opportunities to support reaching your goals they ignore that too. If you ever make a big stride they might hop on the bandwagon to send you a congrats, but only because they’d look like a total asshole if they didn’t.
2) There are ones who seem to support you, but behind your back and in their mind really don’t believe you’ll make it.. And you know it. So they talk about that with other people when you’re not around, but smile at you when you share what part of the dream you are working on at the present time.
3) The ones that straight up tell you you are wasting your time, and you’re not going to make your dream come true. I kinda feel sorry for these people because it is all too clear they are projecting their fear of failure, or unwillingness to put in the work to make their own dreams come true. Stay far far away from people like this. You don’t need em.
Let’s pick it up now…
4) Then you have the randoms. I love the randoms. The random people who you might keep in touch with lightly-maybe via Facebook , or maybe they are a friend of a friend you run into once in a while. However you know them they suddenly become interested in your dream because they have an area of expertise or extra support they can provide to you. Out of sheer kindness and willingness to help, they reach out to you. Count your blessings with these people-they were specifically placed in your life to make a unique difference in it.
5) Real talk people are so fun. I am talking about real talk people who really want
to help you. If you are highly sensitive like me you have to work to not take things personally with real talk people because they really do have honest intentions to support you, and they provide little nuggets of wisdom you might have not thought about. They also might pin point something that can help you save time and energy. Real talk people cut to the chase and ask great questions.
6) Last one-the loved ones. The ones that cheer you on, believe in you, and when you go through a rut or start to doubt yourself they have a way of bringing you back to positive. Loved ones are your backbone in most cases because they often naturally bring up your gifts or motivations in such a factual way you can’t help but keep going. For yourself, and also because you know you got people out there who already believe you shine, but are waiting for you to shine brighter. They know your potential and are really rooting for your success. If you’re lucky-even one #6 brings value to your work, and to your life.
So my point in all of this is, make sure that anytime you start working towards a new goal, dream, or hey, even if you just want to work on an overall more positive attitude, check in with your circle. I know I have had to and continue to do that. I in no way am suggesting to sit down and judge all your relationships from a pedestal. Simply reflect on what happens with them when you make changes. It does not mean you have to cut off your #1s or #2s, or put down a #3 should they do that to you; you can just do little reorganizing with the dynamics.
You want to KNOW the 4, 5, and 6 people. You want to go to them for both encouragement, and advice. Even if they don’t have experience with what you are working on an outside perspective from the ones who truly have your back will bring value to what you’re trying to achieve.
Then, you want to SHOW the 1-3s….don’t invest your thought energy with them. Leave them to witness your success.
Lastly, check in with yourself when you work towards goals and dreams!
I realized I was taking certain relationships for granted, with some of my biggest cheerleaders actually, and overly focused on the ones that left me feeling unmotivated or disappointed. I recognize there is the part of me that gets all too comfy staying stagnant-so I find safety with those who stay stagnant as well. The disappointment came from my hunger for growth not being satiated.
Now, when I am a tad uncomfortable, or nervous to see someone who will ask me about what I am working on I see it as a wonderful thing. I look forward to it, because I know it means growth.
Growth is the name of the game, and you can only win if you play with people who want to win too.
“Maggie: Pity Party of One” was an emotional event I was trying get out of!
The party theme? “When is it MY turn?” Comparing myself to other people who lead lives where everything is happening in a seemingly “perfect” order. The big job, that trip to another country when you find yourself, the spouse, and the babies. The invite kept popping up these past few weeks even though I had taken action with my RSVP of “HELL NO.” I was too busy doing positive things to make this event. Trying to connect with more like-minded people, making forward strides with the new coaching business, and even doing a 21-day meditation series with Oprah and Deepak Chopra.
Oprah AND Deepak? Shoulda been some kind of magic happening over here.
But even Oprah couldn’t save me from this feeling, and Deepak is always talking about growth. Even with my life at a current standstill, overall when I didn’t have a bug up to block my forward thinking it was and still is changing me everyday in really small but profound ways. I had to face it. So I changed my RSVP to “YES.”
When I showed up I allowed myself to become immersed in the party theme. I accepted the thoughts that were there, and in doing so left with a few valuable party favors:
1. Hey…hey there Mag. *You* make your goals and dreams come true. You.
2. There is no perfect order, just the general expectations of society, and as a woman in my 30s those expectations are starting to trickle into my personal life. That is normal and only means something if I make it mean something.
3. It is essential to have like-minded people in my life. Yes, challenging and unlike minds teach us, but if you find yourself surrounded by mostly these types you run the risk of fizzling out your own positive life force. That’s a self-care job.
4. Choices. Because if I were to have the opportunity to get married right now I would not. I created a goal to become a life coach and less than a year later did. My imperfect order is leading to some of the best choices I have made to date.
So what am I whining for?
I like my perfect, perfectly imperfect. Uncertain, a little daring, and full of possibilities. I know I’ll still get those feelings sometimes but don’t we all. It’s okay, just keep moving.