Thank You for Your Goodbye

Bear with me on this post…I am feeling a bit salty as I start this.

Thursday marked the closing of a thread of toxic relationships in my life.

At first I was upset-this last friend was someone I had known for a long time, and I expected more from her because of that. I expected to be treated with the consideration that for the first time in our friendship I spoke up for myself. I was kind yet honest, and I was…you know…considerate. But no. Apparently I struck a major cord by communicating that I needed some space so she decided to put permanent space between us.

The Facebook unfriending! When-someone-unfriends-me

When I realized this was the manner of which I was getting the boot I had to chuckle. I guess in this sense, my expectations were met.

But as many of us learn the hard way…it is in general, really not healthy to hold expectations with others. Especially the ones you have seen repeat the same negative patterns in other relationships.

Why would I be any different?

I’m not.

And that is totally okay.

I don’t believe every single thing happens for a reason, but I do believe that the last few people who have exited my life in ways that do not honor all the years we’ve shared with each other is a sign I am experiencing the clearing of emotional clutter. Because clearing means creating space for greater things to come.

I would like to thank these last few people who I have parted ways with.

For your time in the past, however we left things it healthily clears my present, but I do honestly wish you well with your future, and release you with love.

I am going to keep it moving looking forward, and up.

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Maggie xo

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that Thing

calla

I have what I call a “Sex and the City” fantasy where I live in a super swanky apartment in New York with a gray great dane and disposable income whilst not working full-time.
Fantasy indeed.

It’s tweaked now, took it down a notch as I am more of a beach gal and not ready for the responsibility of a such a wonderful (and needy) mammal.
But the great thing is however I tweak it-it’s going to happen.

Because I am just crazy enough to know that whatever things make me feel excited, elated, happy, fulfilled and REAL are always possible to get into my tiny-handed grasp.
Do I have to work for and at it? Yes. Fall sometimes? Yes. Fail sometimes? Yes.
Keep it moving.
My new rule is if it scares me, but I get excited thinking about the other side of that fear…then I do it.
Because most of us who follow what we are really meant for in life, what we not only secretly want to do, but feel almost a sense of duty to do will run into fear.
Passion will always beat the distraction of fear-if you keep it at the forefront of your mind, and use it to jump over all those mental obstacles meant to keep you replaying, and reliving your bullshit. And mine.

Look, it doesn’t even have to be scary, or a game changer for anyone but you! You love knitting and want to show off your stuff? Start an Instagram where you debut all your latest projects. Love to sing but not interested in auditioning for American Idol? Buy a karaoke system and master Bohemian Rhapsody for your own personal satisfaction!

So follow that “thing” that makes you feel crazy passionate…and even a bit vulnerable.
For me it’s jalapeno poppers,
and women fully connecting with their worth,
Cuz it took me too damn long to fully connect with Mine.

Maggie xo

Keeping it Real

I got notification a few days ago from WordPress that it has been one year since I started this blog. Congrats! Dang-it’s been one year? It seems so long ago, and yet the notice arrived in my inbox quicker than I had anticipated.

When you have an anniversary, milestone, birthday…any date that rings change, you get to reflecting if even for a moment, on the year passed.

I remember when I wrote my first post. Where I was, and how I was feeling. At a Starbucks, and I could really feel that it was just me, with me. I observed myself for a bit…if that makes sense. I was a little lost, but open. Sad, but relieved. Grieving unexpected change, but really hopeful. I knew I had the opportunity to dig deeper into the real me, and bring her back to kicking ass again.

So after one year here is what I know about the real me…

The real me is not negative, but can feed off of negativity. It truly wants to be happy, and struggles to bring it back to self so that the happiness can stand still, on its own. It has fought tooth n nail over this past year to get over banking its self-worth with others. I know I have way too much potential to keep investing in doubtful thinking. The real me pauses too much when it doubts, and the real me fights growth, but at the same time loves coming out on the other side. The real me LOVES growing pains. It shines. It is fearless in heart when it moves forward with heart.

The real me is freaking weird. This has been confirmed by the loves who know the real me. I own it; it keeps me raw. The real me prefers to be alone a lot, needs to be, but is also very social. Doesn’t really like babies but truly looks forward to experiencing the gift of pregnancy someday. Hates salsa but chows down on pico de gallo. Has to draw boxes next to the list of things to do because of the feedback desired by literally writing “√” in the box upon completion. The real me likes to impress kids more than adults. Sleeps with a heater and fan in the room; on at the same time.

The real me feels too much. Highly sensitive. An empath. Eats her feelings and works out her motivations. Doesn’t like that she can feel what others feel and sometimes gets too great a sense of what others are thinking, but chooses to keep quiet about it most of the time. Loyal, and respectful. People tend to fully reveal what they feel, or think, anyway.

The real me is a little uncomfortable sharing all this over a public blog…but the real me is also aware that in sharing there is helping.

So that is why I’m sharing.

 mandyMaggie xo

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Make a Wish…

Not too long ago I took a quick trip to a new beautiful state. On my last day, I decided with the limited time to drop off the rental car, take a nice long sunshine walk back to my hotel, and explore the area.

Later on in the sunshine, as my tiny feet grew tired and I got closer to the end of my little adventure, I noticed a bright green grassy knoll filled with dandelions. Alongside the short wall dividing the green grass and the bright clean sidewalk my boots paved, the perfectly cotton ball-shaped dandelions were lined up, swaying in the breeze.

It was a loud busy street, but I didn’t care. Just like I did as a little girl, wishing to “save the world,” I picked up a dandelion and made a wish. Then I picked up another one, then another, and made a few more.

As a walked away from that quiet moment I realized it left me feeling really good. I knew the wishes made could come true, and I was capable of making them happen. In that moment I also remembered, in order to do that, I had to let go of the SHOULD, and be with the IS. Meaning, if I could accept life in the present, things might go a lot more smoothly. Overall, I often struggle with fighting the now, try to leap over to points anticipated, and end up getting hurt from tripping over myself. Plus, I missed out.

Because the lessons in life are mostly in the in between.

“Put your wishes out there with positive intentions! Share them with someone or write them down.
How often do we make wishes with a defeatist attitude-keeping them as just far away dreams that will never come true? Do you really want to live your life never taking any chances to heighten your level of success?
And I am not just writing about career or money. Wishes can be about anything…healthier relationships, reconnecting with someone, taking that trip you’ve thought about but never planned for, or starting that meditation routine you know will help with anxiety.
Make a wish. Then evolve it into something outside your head and within your grasp. You can do it!”

~Callavida on Facebook

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Maggie xo

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30/Somethings

30 Things on Womanhood

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.”
― Coco Chanel

1. In the beauty department we have an endless amount of choices-painted nails or not painted, jeans or skirts, or both!

2. Our presence can be of great comfort to anyone because we wear our hearts on our sleeves; at least many of us do.

3. We live longer.

5. Girl-friendships…need I say more?

6. As difficult as it can be to reach that point of fully resonating with our worth and potential once we get there-we are unstoppable!

7. We pay less for car insurance.

8. We say what we mean and we mean what we say.

9.  Becoming single is almost always a guarantee we will to improve ourselves. Both internally and externally.

10. Often we know before we know, and then when we realize we know, we are 100% certain of what we know.

11. We have doors held open for us. A small but  simply sweet gesture we get to experience on hopefully many occasions.

12. We make our loved ones feel safe in a different way that stems from a place of nurture.

13. Cooking is now optional. Wear the apron or order in!

14. If you look up a woman’s love in the dictionary it SHOULD have the word “loyal” somewhere in there…

15. We are considerate, even when we don’t have to be.

From followers via Facebook and Twitter:

1. “I like our nurturing caring nature. Our ability to put our children before us.“~Jennifer

2. “I’m wary of gender stereotyping, BUT in my experience…we seem better at nurturing, putting the well-being of others first (especially family), multi-tasking, plus empathy and finding things! But in terms of nature (vs nurture), I am most grateful for my basic biology. I would have been sad to miss out on pregnancy and breast-feeding my babies.” ~Anjali

3. “I also love our ability to multi-task like a goddess, even when we are running on empty!” ~Helen

4. “A woman’s strength knows no boundaries. It is limitless in the time of need. For herself, for her family, for others.” ~Marissa

5. “Curves.” ~FB

6.  “We can carry a whole other life inside of us then feed from our bosom, pretty incredible if you think about it. Maybe one day I’ll know first hand…” ~Nickie

7. “As a woman, we know without being told or understood how strong we are. Look at what we have to endure during childbirth. Even if you haven’t had kids of your own, you are still capable of immortal strength. Also the range of our compassion is boundless because we can be tough as nails or soft and pliable depending on the situation.  Being a woman is the best gift I have ever been given in life because my legs looks damn good in my 4″ heels.” ~Rochelle

8. “Make up play! (being able to hide flaws if we want).” ~Krista

9. “I can wear a bunch of different hats and that is really fun! I  am always me but have options on how that shows.” ~Twitter

10. “Sometimes we are judged for tears but for the most part I can cry whenever I want and it does not make me look like less of a woman!” ~May 

11. “I agree with Nickie . It is pretty freakin awesome that we could grow another human being and be their main food source for 6+ months. We create life and that life depends on us to live.” ~Vanessa

12. “Boobs! Come on who doesn’t like boobs they serve so many purposes lol.” ~Twitter

13. “Women know how to get the party started. They also know how to plan and end the party.” ~Hub Pages

14. “It’s just nice to feel beautiful and we can make that happen in so many different ways.” ~Jas

15. “EVERY WOMAN…SHE IS ME, SHE’S BOLD AND STRONG, AND LOVE CREATES HER DESTINY! I AM SHE, AND SHE IS ME!” ~Christine

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Maggie xo

Work Your Self to Keep Yourself

 Who you are and where you are are two different things.

What I believe about myself, and the core of who I am does not change just because my surroundings and my life do. How comforting is that? It is very comforting.

The times I choose to remember that.

You see, it’s really easy to equate ourselves to where we are. If we have a job we don’t love or don’t make much money from it is easy to think we might not be worth much as well. If we aren’t married by a certain age and people start giving you that confused “but you are so pretty and funny what is wrong?” look it is easy think-

“Yea, what IS wrong with me?”

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Ladies,

There’s nothing wrong with you.

As you are-you just are, and you are just fine.

There is a part of you-your heart, your love and your natural gifts that cannot be shaken when life moves you. In any direction, good or not so good. Even finding that exciting job that makes you happy to get up in the morning, and the compensation that matches what you feel you bring to the table, or finding that person that makes you feel love butterflies will not change that.

It adds to who you are, but it does not change it.

It personally sucks my energy when women don’t realize this because I can always witness them in the midst of  two moods:

In an extremely positive mood, or in an extremely negative one.

There IS something wrong with that.

That is not a healthy way to live, but many of us do it because we have not learned to gently hold and care for our core. We give it to our circumstances and allow it to be shaped. We give it to others and allow them to shape it as well. So it makes sense when you hear someone say “So and so made me feel _____.”

Of course they did. Because they were allowed to.

With all this said how do we exercise this form of self-preservation?

My #1 thought for this coming from experience is:

IT TAKES WORK.

Yes ladies,

You have to WORK on yourself to KEEP yourself

Here are 3 quick tips for starting AND keeping the work up:

1) “Know Thyself“-if you know your strengths and weaknesses you will not be surprised when there are successes AND struggles. Share your strengths with others, and work on your weaknesses.

2) Compete with yourself-stop comparing yourself to other people in your life and set goals that reflect where you are and where you want to be. You are your own worst critic so why not be your own best cheerleader too?

3) Accept your feelings-what? I always accept my feelings! You might, but guess what you do on top of that? You run with them, parade them around and magnify them!  Stop taking one moment of frustration and turning it into a “bad day.” When you feel happy be happy, but don’t crash when later on you find yourself in that place that can often feel so unsettling…neutral. Just because you are not happy OR sad does not mean you have to pick a team.

Just be.

If you hold on to the core of who you are, and care for it everything that stems from it will be authentic, organic, foundational, and true. It will keep you sane, calm, and generally positive.

No matter where you are.

Magdelena xo