Sometimes sharing something with someone is just about that.
Simply sharing your thoughts, and your feelings.
Processing things on your own with a supporting sounding board.
And here is why this is so important on both ends, as the processor, and the listener:
Our highest parts can get muffled by the day to day we dive into mentally. Creating the space and time to truly listen to these higher parts is an amazing act of self-care that fills your cup. A cup you can then savor with its richness, and share with others.
And as a sounding board, you are simply providing an amazing act of generosity.
Accepting who you are and what your heart desires is essential to healthy personal growth. You are on this planet one time, and will best serve it listening to the highest parts of you.
The parts that bring you the things your soul is drawn to; your way, and in your time.
Contact me to discuss how I can support You with
Cultivating a more Empowered path through accessing Your own Points of Peace!
We love hard, we feel bravely, and are so good at creating structure out of chaos.
I was very much reminded of all of this today.
We are beautiful.
I would like to share a piece I wrote recently published by Kim Baker Gomez.
A beautiful friend with a beautiful heart.
I hope that it reminds you, that you are beautiful too.
Las Lineas-the Lines
They tell you I have laughed more often than the average person.
They show you I have cried perhaps just the same.
They reveal the lineage of my brown skin and the resulting adaptability that lineage provides; keeping me looking younger than I actually am.
They do not fully reveal all those unwashed nights on the pillow, the lack of water, and sometimes excessive partying.
With that said, they fully reveal grace.
Las lineas. The lines. They speak for me in ways I can no longer recall for myself.
How can something so special, and unique to each of us, not be embraced?
But I have never viewed them as my enemy, and just as the lines on the palms of my hands have a path to reveal and a story to tell, they do too.
In my mind when I look in the mirror I see las lineas as love specific to the way I express it. Openly, clumsily at times, but never afraid to get up from the fall.
I simply do not see them as outward connectors to the negatives we are bombarded with about aging. I view them as positively beautiful connectors into the windows of my soul.
I look in the mirror and see the lines reaching into the corner of my eyes….so thin, and not quite noticeable at first glance of my face. Yet at the same time, my lines are so very much earned, and so very much filled with the strength of my experiences over the 37 years I have been on this planet.
When life gives you lemons
And that is Okay.
Sometimes there is a lesson,
and sometimes things just happen.
It doesn’t always have to make sense, love.
It’s okay not to search for the why.
And it’s okay to sit with the why me for a bit.
It is okay to be pissed off, and sad.
to Feel It.
I like my cocktails,
but when life gives me lemons I can’t turn to them much.
When life gives you lemons
You can toss them.
You don’t have to use them!
Maybe hold them for a moment; give them a feel.
They were given to you.
When life gives you lemons,
Eat your chips with chopsticks.
Are you in beautiful Bay Area? Interested in connecting with other women who believe in the power of self-care, and how to make the most (or nothing) out of life’s lemons?
Join us on Earth Day this year to give yourself some love and support!
I recently started a new gig hanging out with a young woman who has special needs. She was tough to read when I was interviewed with her, but mom told me that because she didn’t just get up and go to her room, I impressed her. Ahh, got it! From that point I started to visit her once a week for a little fun socializing. We shoot hoops in the backyard, play games, and cook. I am really enjoying it.
Today as we were side by side prepping to cook delicious shrimp quesadillas there was this moment. It was this beautiful quiet that can happen when you are fully present with cooking. If you love to cook, you know this moment well.
We were having it.
A few minutes in I hear a giggle, and feel a light touch on the small of my back:
“I like you.”
Let’s stop for a moment here. Think about this. How often do we tell people we like them when we like them? How often do we say “I love you” when we feel it? Not “love ya,” but the entire thing.
I. Love. You.
I. Like. You.
I think it is because it puts us in a fairly vulnerable state to say these words out loud. We feel so yummy inside, and it’s our feeling, but caused by someone else. We don’t say it much because as simple as these words are, they carry so much meaning. And just as my friend had to let out her giggle right before she touched me, statements such as these almost always bring a visceral reaction, right before we say them.
I have learned in my recent years to step into this type of vulnerability over and over again. I say I like you when I like you. I tell you are awesome if you are awesome. If you amaze me, well, take that to heart because I am not the easiest person to impress, ha! And if you asked any of my family or friends if I love them, they without hesitation, would say yes.
Because as much as I try to show them, I tell them too.
Back to this endearing moment.
“I like you.”
Oh! and awe. This feels nice to hear.
And for that moment, I could see myself through her eyes. She just liked the fact, that I was me. How cool is that.
And how bravely sweet of her, to tell me exactly what she was feeling.
Let’s talk meditation, honestly.
So you already know that sitting in a one-hour guided meditation is the equivalent to sitting through a moment to moment experiment with your utter incapability to focus and clear the mind. Have you ever experienced the monkey brain syndrome while trying to follow a guided meditation with one of those lovely people with breathy, soothing voices? One of my favorite YouTube videos is of a Tibetan Monk describing meditation as a conversation with the monkey: “Hello monkey! Watch breath.” My monkey brain is super smart and clever, always busy, jumping from one tree to another, happily creating havoc and whipping up the energy in my brain.
I used to lie on the floor of my guided meditation class writing mental lists of all the things I needed to get done before I could relax and meditate. It was a very, very productive time in my life during my fancy yoga and meditation classes paid handsomely out of my New York paralegal salary.
So here I am, 20 years later, and my attention span for meditation is much shorter than what it used to be. Yet I still enjoy the health benefits of meditation on a daily basis! How you ask? I call them my Meditation Hacks! It is 5 minutes of meditation while cooking; really focusing on the sensation of the food I am preparing. How the vegetables look, how it feels to chop them, how the rough textures of the vegetables feel as I skin them. I focus on my breath and the sensation of the water, and the way the bubbles swirl down the drain while I wash dishes rhythmically. I sometimes take 5 minutes to focus on my breath when I lie down with my toddler as she falls asleep.
In the car it’s actively meditating while I drive. Yes, it is safe. In fact, we are so distracted when we drive, that actively focusing on our breathing and the visuals of the car in front of us, and the road, is far safer than what most distracted drivers do! I meditate while I drive, cook, put my toddler to bed and clean. It makes sense when you think of meditation as just a practice of mindfulness. Slowing down and noticing. Allowing without judging. Tuning in and grounding in the moment, whatever that moment may contain. As a mom, instructor, entrepreneur, speaker, wife and caregiver, I have few spaces in my day where I can do just “nothing.”
So I find ways to integrate mindfulness into my daily grind.
I also use BINAURAL BEATS. They are what many might consider a “cheat.” It is music that tricks your two cerebral hemispheres into coming into alignment. I am a sucker for the neuroscience behind this method, and this is my new fix. I put on my headphones, and the carefully syncopated, electronically coded beats resonate in each ear differently. The effect is very meditative. I have reached a state of what I assume meditation gurus are describe: very relaxed, yet awake and present. It is magical. We all need different things in life. Why do we think one-size-fits-all meditation will work for us? One size fits all may work for clothes, but not for mindfulness work. Part of succeeding at a practice is to play with different tools, notice our experience, and try something different if its not working for us.
The key is to start anywhere and to do it now , and the benefits will leave you wanting more. So you do it more. And maybe it’s not consistent at first, but bit by bit, it becomes a habit. A good one. You can do this. This is how it became habit forming for me:
Be kind to yourself, and congratulate yourself for each success, no matter how small your strides. Your commitment to care for yourself gently, will pay off in all areas of your life areas where you now find more room to breathe. You will have created more space where energy can flow to your creativity, your health and toward a deep sense of happiness and calm. So start now, and take that first deep breathe. Let it all out, very slowly. You are doing it, you are making progress, and you are succeeding. Congratulate yourself.
I would like to share something written by a woman I admire, and have had the pleasure to work with over the last few months.
She is Big because she is not afraid to dig deep, and uses what she finds to positively move forward! I am proud of this Calla gal.
When I am Big
I am a mindful, centered, positive creator.
I am helpful and giving to others in a way that doesn’t drain me or steal my energy.
I am dynamic and energetic with a thirst for life and change.
I am kind and compassionate from a place of love and not fear or anger.
I am strong and truthful and authentic and able to express my position with words of wisdom.
I am free from the shackles of societal and familial pressures and forge my own path based on the whispers of my Heart.
I am slow moving through each present moment with a quiet mind and an open heart.
I am uplifted because the universe has my back and I put my wholehearted trust in that Divine Power.
That is who I am when I am Big.
Vanessa, a Callavida Gal
They say there is always some truth behind “just kidding,”emotion behind “I don’t care,” and knowledge behind “I don’t know.”
I made two huge decisions. I made them based on how I was being treated in both my own home and at a new job. Simply put, I was being treated unfairly. It has taken me a long time to really, like, REALLY stand up for myself. I do it now in a way that when any fear or self-doubt comes to the surface it immediately becomes transmuted, because I have done the inner work to let that shit easily go.
What’s not easy at times however, is what happens after I stand up for myself…
Roommate trying to get me to pay a large bill I had nothing to do with? Never cleaning up the kitchen and always late on rent? Now the utilities are turned off?! I can’t live here, it is not healthy for me. Time to move out, even if I don’t have another home of my own to immediately move into.
New job starts off with the agreement of typical full-time hours, and time to ease into things as it will end up being a demanding position that pulls me in various directions throughout the day….I worked almost 40 hours in 4 days, now you are calling my personal cell all weekend, on my days off, when you just gave me a work phone? I’m exhausted. My chest hurts. I can’t work like this, it is not healthy for me. So let me share with you how I feel. I am overwhelmed. This is too much and I work hard. You don’t care? Go find another job? Deuces.
Remaining in both those situations with no hope for change did not align with the person I represent myself to be and I for damn sure was not “Mastering Self-Care” during this time. As my mom told me, I needed to drink from the same cup I pour out of for my coaching clients. For the women who might not have all the answers but can feel it when things are not right. Who don’t play it safe and stand up for themselves. For herself. For She. For we. Even if the risk might be high, she knows the greater risk of not creating healthy changes for herself will end up costing her more. So I left the two things that essentially define us as we get older, and am left with just myself.
Eh, not too shabby; I kind of like myself…
I will share though, that right now I am feeling a bit lost. What do I do beyond the basic mundane of finding work and a roof? I am unclear as to what exactly “settling down” looks like for me. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know.
And you know what?
Just as I did when I was 35 I will keep it moving in forward confusion.
Because the last time I did this-the most amazing things happened, and not only did I create positive change in my own life, it ended up trickling into the lives of others.
Being unclear might be the best thing that is happening to me right now. I just need to keep trying. I am definitely a butterfly mind, and I know what comes next.
Something amazing. Something better.
Ladies, you know for most of us we dread the dressing room. It is this dingy horribly-lit private place to look at your body from all angles whilst knowing half the clothes you brought in will probably not fit well, and you foresee at least two more trips back in your shopping future . You held them up at the rack, you chose the sizes you normally wear, yet when you go into that dressing room…
On this occasion I’m standing in the dressing room at Target about to try on jeans. They’re a brand I already have a few pairs of so I’m feeling hopeful. I had the size I usually wear and one size up. I decided to try on the bigger size first because I thought they’d be bigger, and that would feel good.
It didn’t. They were insanely tight! I did the standard squats to see if they’d loosen up a bit but they stayed sticking to my skin. I checked the tag to see if I misread the size, but the bigger number stared back at me.
And then I felt bad.
I peeled the jeans off and frowned over at the smaller-sized pair. I told myself to try them on anyway. Maybe if I could squeeze into them to feel the discomfort of the tightness it would motivate me to change my ways immediately. I could scold myself mentally as well while I stared in the mirror. A kind of punishing act I guess?
They fit perfectly.
I shook my head and chuckled at my reflection.
I was so amused by what happened that I immediately posted to my Facebook women’s group about my experience and the troubles of shopping for clothes. There were comments upon comments with women sharing similar points of view.
It is all those thoughts that go on in our mind when we look into the mirror, and feel confused about what we are trying on. It’s that confusion that makes us doubt, and the doubt that can turn into negative thinking.
I decided it was time to get out of there, and with another light laugh I left my negative thoughts in the dressing room.
I waved goodbye to my insecurities, and doubts. Because I understood that it was ridiculous for me to make sense of how I felt about my body based on clothes that didn’t make any sense when on my body. Made by people who may not generally come down to the dressing room, and make sense of the average female’s experience alone in there.
I decided that in the future, any decisions I came to around where to take my physical appearance would not be made in the dressing room.
And then I felt good.